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fandomhighdorms2005-09-17 11:27 pm
valentine-tart.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhighdorms2005-09-17 11:27 pm
South Attic
Beka, half-dragged by Janet, arrives back in her room.
"Make it quick, Janet? Please?"
She desperately needs to be alone again.
"Make it quick, Janet? Please?"
She desperately needs to be alone again.
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[OOC: If you're reading this, then it's probably a good idea to know that there was a fight with Camulus (http://www.livejournal.com/community/fandomhighdorms/66753.html) before this, and a different sort of fight with Cameron before it. There was also a bit of a run-in with Aeryn (http://www.livejournal.com/community/fandomhighdorms/68267.html), though of a surprisingly more pleasant sort.]
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What was she thinking when she agreed to Parker's plot? Why hadn't she said 'no' and told Cam and Lee from the beginning? It's what she should have done. But it never occurred to her.
Parker was one of her girls. Or she was one of Parker's, or whatever.
But Cam
iswas her boyfriend. And, no matter how weird that looked to anyone on the outside, she loved him. Maybe because it was the first time anyone had ever been kind to her. Or maybe because he was Cameron.She should've protected him first.
Her mind skidded away from anymore thoughts of him. It didn't matter. Aeryn was right. It wasn't over until he'd had his say.
And then that thought too was gone.
The other Cam. Camulus. Snake-boy. Maybe it had been stupid to call him. Aeryn and Janet definitely thought so.
But the truth was, she felt better. Getting in a fight, even one she'd lost that badly, it brought the pain to the surface. She'd learned that before she learned to fly.
Grateful as she was to Janet for coming to her rescue, a part of her wished she hadn't. Sex with Camulus might've helped too. Brutal, raw, nothing kind or good about it.
Still... Seeing Aeryn made her glad Janet came when she did. Maybe if Crichton and Aeryn... no. They had a history. She and Cam... nothing. And gods, had she really told him she loved him?
She wouldn't think about it. Tomorrow would bring whatever it would bring. Illyana would heal her, or not. Or Alanna might. Either way, whatever happened, she'd survive.
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Beka.
*Her tone is cold, flat and utterly devoid of feeling*
Y'know, you didn't strike me as the type to be so mind-numbingly stupid and lacking in spine.
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(Anonymous) 2005-09-18 07:49 am (UTC)(link)no subject
*Beka is drugged and slurry*
It hurt on the inside. Now it doesn't.
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*calls Lee*
*calls Crichton*
.... *starts to call Cameron and can't, not because she's not sorry, but because she's so sorry there are no words*
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It hurt inside.
Next time it hurts inside would you like to borrow one of my daggers to slit your own throat with? Because that would make it stop hurting.
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Maybe.
*with insight of the drugged or maybe the goddess-inspired*
You'd have done the same damned thing. Except you'd probably have won.
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Would have done the same damned thing.
*sits across from Beka*
You think how you felt today was hurt?
Hurt is watching everyone you ever knew get slaughtered like helpless animals, while your entire universe burns around you.
Hurt is scrabbling, starving through the ruins of your home, trying to find scraps to survive on, with your mother's blackened corpse lying mere feet away.
Hurt is not one night in over six years where you don't hear your sister's death screams as you sleep.
Hurt is when the only godsdamned thing that keeps you breathing is rage and the desire to see the life drain from the eyes of the one responsible for your angiush.
Hurt is when you realise all you have is the pain and emptiness.
Beka, it's not a case of "would've have done the same damned thing". I have done the "same damned thing", and other, worse, things besides. More times that you can count.
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There are a lot of things I'd say to you if I could make my mind work.
Tonight I'll just tell you I love you. I'm very sorry. You're not alone. And I'm sorry that I hurt you.
Come. Sit with me. You'll feel better. And maybe so will I.
(OOC: *pats* Poor Callisto. Beka didn't mean to break her. She feels really guilty.)
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Beka, you didn't hurt me.
Sure, I'm royally pissed off that you felt more secure getting beat up by an evil, kilt-wearing teacher with a god complex than asking Illyana or myself for help, and I want you to promise that in the future, if you feel the need to get beat up you come to me first. I won't break any bones, and that blasted pirate is less likely to broadcast it around the school.
*sits by Beka and attempts comforting hair-stroking*
But. You. Didn't. Hurt. Me. Got that?
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