fandomhighdorms | Outside 239/240

OOC: Just got a phone call; back soon.

OOC: Gotcha. I'm actually not about to fall asleep tonight - yay! *g*

OOC: *feeds you caffeine*
*goes to get popcorn to watch*

OOC: *happily accepts caffeine*

Janet opens the door. She's wearing jeans and a Sesame Street t-shirt that says 'Oscar the Grouch' on it. "Hi," she says, shifting awkwardly, then stepping aside and holding the door open. "Come on in."

*brings large bag of M&Ms and hands it around*

"Hi."

He steps in, feeling really awkward. Idiot, you should have brought her flowers

Janet walks over to her bed and sits down cross-legged on it. "Have a seat," she tells Daniel, gesturing halfheartedly at the room. She froze momentarily, then braced her arms on her elbows and leaned forward to rest her chin on her cupped hands. I just sat. On my bed. With Daniel Jackson in the room. Whom I've slept with. Oh, God. Well, she'd look stupid if she moved, so best just to brazen it out.

*takes M&Ms and munches while providing entertainment*

He looks around the room, before grabbing the desk chair and perching on it uncomfortably.

"Nice room," he says.

"Glad you could finally make it," says Janet dryly. "What the hell, Daniel? You avoid me, and then when I come to see you, you say the most hurtful things, and then every time after that, I'm the one who has to find you, I'm the one who has to chase you down and pursue this--this ~~relationship~~ thing that we had for all of one day before you invited me out to hang out with you and another girl before you took her to a movie!"

"Janet, please just look at this from my point of view," he pleads. "I come to this school to get away from the Stargate, and everything to do with it. And I find you, only you're younger and I'm confused, because whilst you don't look like yourself... you're still... you're still." His voice drops. "You're still the woman I fell in love with. The woman I grieved for."

He pushes himself up off the chair, and starts to pace the room. "I was scared, damnit. Still am. You... this... I've wanted you for so long, and I never thought I'd be able to be with you, and then it happened, and I backed away."

ooc: Geez. No idea he'd been that big a putz.

As she listens to him, Janet pulls her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. "We've been through some of this. I thought--" She sighs. "Never mind what I thought. Yes, I'm sixteen now. I look in the mirror, and I could swear I'm living at my parents' house and that one of my brothers is about to burst in the door. Nothing looks right, nothing moves right. Dear God, sometimes it is hell living in this body. You think you're confused? Try being me. Try being any one of the rest of us!"

"Do you think you're the only one who grieved?" asks Janet. "You ascended. For a year. For God's sake, Daniel, I watched you dying for three days of ratiation poisoning, and just when we'd found a way to save you, you chose to up and leave us!" She blinked back tears. "Do you think I didn't grieve for you?"

"Why did you get scared? Why did you back away? What happened to the man who believed that you had to talk to find a solution to anything?"

OOC: I'm trying to find helpful links that I don't know if you've seen yet or not. Also, looks like this is going to be lengthy and painful and deal with show issues as well as game issues. Cool, no?

He looks slightly confused. "We did? God, Janet, I'm sorry... some things are a bit hazy at the moment," he raises his hand to his head.

"I get that you're confused... really I do. I don't know how you deal with it, and I don't know how I can help you."

"I saw you," he whispers softly. "It killed me, not being able to comfort you. Yes, I did chose to leave... but I would never have been whole again. I never would have been the man I had been before."

"I'm scared because I don't want to lose you again. I'm scared because I've not had the best track record with women. I'm scared that I don't have the right words to tell you just how much you mean to me."

ooc: You're a star! And I'm very cool with that *pets poor emo Daniel and Janet*

OOC: Oh, yeah, old!Daniel was a huge ass. Huge. Explains the extremely high levels of emo angst a bit better, huh? :) And now Janet's going to put him through the wringer for it. Thank God new!Daniel rocks so much.

OOC: Oh yeah. Yow. Plus, Daniel hasn't dealt with Sam or Jack yet, either. Should be...interesting. *pats Daniel-mun/Liz-mun, whom Sam-mun adores*

[ooc: *snuggles Sam-mun who Daniel-mun/Liz-mun adores back*]

She looks at him more closely, finally noticing the bruise. "Daniel, what happened?" she asks, concerned. "Are you all right?"

"Daniel, it's still me. I'm still Dr. Janet Fraiser, and inside, I'm still the same woman that you knew. You can stop avoiding me. You can stop avoiding all of us. It's like you've been pretending we don't exist."

"You saw me?" she asked. "You saw me and you didn't let me know you were there?" This time she couldn't blink back the tears collecting in her eyes. "God damn it, Daniel, you show up for Jack and Teal'c and you couldn't be bothered to come and say hi to me and Sam? I didn't care that you would have been physically weaker, Daniel, you would have been there. That was all I cared about!"

She swipes the tears away from her eyes with the back of her hand. "I fell in love with you so long ago I can barely remember how it happened." She's whispering now. "And I've lost you before. Don't tell me with other people's words, Daniel. Tell me how you feel. Tell me again that you love me."

OOC: Oh, yeah, and Janet totally supports Sam and Jack in their crankiness at him. In fact, before you took over Sam, I know Jack and Janet had talked about it too. So there's at least a trio of people who are mad at Daniel. Oooh! Maybe with Liz-mun as Daniel now we can do what we'd planned to before and have everyone confront Daniel in his office about why he's been avoiding them! We were going to do it with old!Daniel, but, shock, got flaked out on.

OOC: Oh, yay, much mutual admiration!

OOC: I think the most difficult problem with that plan is the logistics because of the time zones. Plus, Sam knows that Daniel knew about Hathor!Janet and the plan to save Janet, because she told him (over the phone--check voicemail). So Sam's even more pissed than she was before--but she'll still take the major cue from Janet on this one.

*hands out tissues to peanut gallery*

"Ah, this one? I, uh, sorta walked into a tree on my way home last night," he winces, blushing slightly.

"I know you exist, and logically I do know that you're the same. It's just hard to make that connection when I see you, and I feel like a dirty old man for having these lustful thoughts about a teenager."

"I couldn't. I couldn't come to you, because I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to leave. Janet, I loved you so much that I didn't want to give you any less than you deserved." Tears are starting to form in his own eyes.

He crosses the room, and without thinking, takes her hands in his. "Janet, I love you. Je t'aime. Jeg Elsker Deg. Ya tebya liubliu. I love you so much that it hurts at times. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

ooc: *has much admiration for so many muns in the game*

He's probably not concussed, but this is Daniel. The man's a magnet for injuries. "Did you have someone check it out?" asks Janet. For just this moment, she's all concerned doctor.

"Daniel. I'm not a teenager," says Janet. "Not really, not inside, where it counts. And you're not a dirty old man." He has lustful thoughts about me? Wow. She rests her head on her knees for just a few seconds, then pulls her head back up to look at Daniel. No hiding from the world for you, Janet. "I thought maybe it was me. That you wanted--" She pauses. "I don't know what. But not me."

"Why did you do that, Daniel?" She shakes her head. "Why did you decide for me? I wanted to know that you were still somewhere, that you were all right. I wanted to know that you were safe, finally, and happy, and instead I had nothing." The tears spill over before she can wipe them away, and Janet swallows a sob. "All I had of you for a year was a pair of glasses sitting on my desk."

"The best thing that's ever happened to you?" Janet pulls her hands gently free from his. "I know you believe that. I just--" She drops back into sitting cross-legged, laces her fingers together, and lets them fall into her lap. "I'm so hurt. We slept together and-- God, it was awkward. And it hurt, and then you just sort of went to sleep." She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't.

OOC: Yes, time zones suck. :( Liz was in EST for a while, but moved back to the UK. *pouting* And Janet assumed Sam told Daniel about the plan and the Hathor thing because, well, this is Sam. Of course she'd tell him. And Janet's going to make Daniel suffer. See the post I just made for an example. And, wow, so going to sleep now.

"Ah, no. I've sort of been sleeping off a hangover, then I changed and came to see you."

He sighs, turning away and rubbing his face with his hand. "I do know that, really. But sometimes I can't help but think it." He turns back to look at her, his eyes seeking out hers. "You're all I want. All I ever want."

"Do you think that I could be truly happy without you? Janet, my ascension... it made me see things in a different way. At first I thought I was doing the right thing, but then I realized just how lonely it was. I was lonely without you. Yes, I helped Jack and I helped Teal'c, when I shouldn't have. But I knew you were stronger than that. But, for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

He lets his hand drop to his side. "I do believe that... it's true." He half smiles. "I always felt like you were my guardian angel, watching over me."

He closes his eyes. "I... I can't excuse that. I was tired, but I still can't excuse that. I never meant to hurt you, I just," he bites his lip and turns away

OOC: ...and dragging this conversation back out to the left, as well as dragging out the angst.

"Daniel," says Janet, then she sighs. She just doesn't have the energy tonight. "Fine. Go to the clinic later or something."

"Then get over it," she says firmly. "I can't change being stuck in this stupid body. You can't change it. The only thing that can is time." She sighs at him. "No matter how I feel, no matter how you feel, I am not going to be with someone who believes, even a little, that it's wrong for us to be together, or that it's wrong for him to feel the way he does about me." The expression in her eyes is sad. "If you believe that on any level, nothing we do, nothing we say, is going to mean a damn thing, because we're doomed from the start." She doesn't add what she's thinking. Maybe we always were. Nothing ever goes right for us.

"Stronger than Jack and Teal'c?" asks Janet dryly. "Daniel, what alternate universe were you living in? What stick did you have shoved up your glowing ascended ass? Not to mention that it wasn't a matter of who was stronger." Her head is pounding from stress by now, and her eyes are burning with unshed tears. "Thank you for apologizing."

"Guardian-- What?" she asks. "Daniel, I'm a person who has--who had an extraordinary job. I have wonderful friends. You're the one who was a card-carrying member of the noncorporeal beings club for a year." Janet doesn't even know what to say. "I'm...flattered that you think so highly of me, but don't put me on a pedestal. I don't deserve it."

"You never meant to hurt me, Daniel," she says gently. "But you did. You just what?"

"Yeah, I will," Daniel says, a little distractedly.

"I know," he sighs. "But being without you physically hurts, and even though you're not in the body I fell in love with, I still love you and just being with you now reminds me of that."

"The times I saw Jack and Teal'c were... they were... it was an extreme case, and I shouldn't have done it... I wasn't allowed to, but if I hadn't, then they would have died and I couldn't have let that happen."

"You were the one who kept me sane... kept me safe. You deserve so much more than what I can give you," his voice is soft, and he turns away from her.

"I just never expected to be able to love you like that. Never expected that I would ever have you in my bed."

"Oh, Daniel." Janet sighs. This would be less difficult if she didn't love him so much. "It doesn't physically hurt you to be without me, and I was hoping you didn't fall in love with just that body, but the person inhabiting it."

"Of course you couldn't let that happen," says Janet. "I know. If you had, you wouldn't have been the man I fell in love with."

Janet stands up and goes over to face Daniel. She looks at him with compassion, but her voice is firm. "Why don't you let me decide who and what I deserve. Daniel, I--" She stops and looks at him appraisingly. "I don't know what's going to happen between us. Not after the past month. Not after ~~Hathor~~ that bitch stole my body and made you think--"

For just a minute, Janet let herself wish that their first time together had been romantic, and enjoyable, and not sort-of-enjoyable, really awkward, and the cause of a few surreptitious tears when she'd snuck out and gone back to the dorms after. Then she dismissed the thought. Time to live in the real world, Janet Fraiser. "Life never gives us what we expect," she says. "Especially not us. Why can't you just accept that this is the way things are now?"

"I did this because I was without you," Daniel says, indicating his eye. "And I do love the whole you... mind, body and soul."

"Made me think what?" he asks, panic creeping into his voice.

"Because normally what I don't expect to happen is something amazing like you," he says quietly. "That sort of unexpected I like."

"You got drunk and started quoting Shakespeare while I was passed out under several layers of blankets and pillows." Janet snickers. "You might have wanted to make sure I was awake first. I think there's a videotape."

"You do?" asks Janet. "Then why can't you believe it's right for us like this? With me in this body? It's not what we expected. It's not what either of us wanted."

"Oh, God." Janet takes a step back and crosses her arms. "Hathor--" She takes a deep breath to steady herself. "The second time we were--together." Janet meets Daniel's eyes and tries not to react to the panic she sees buried in them. "That wasn't really me. That was her making you think it was me."

"But you can't accept that it's real?" she asks. "That I'm alive? That we actually-- Daniel, we actually had a chance at something and you just--" She sits back down on the edge of her bed. "Turn into an ass and blow me off. That's not like you."

"There's videotape?" Daniel asks in horror, before shaking his head. "That's not important now."

"I do. If you believe nothing else I ever say, believe me when I say that I love you," he says softly. "And with you in that body, I see you when I look past the social stigmas of growing up in a society that condem men for looking at pretty... no, beautiful young girls."

He gulps. "That was Hathor? Janet, I... I..." He sits down heavily on the desk chair again. "How did I not realize? How could I have been so stupid?"

"I have to accept that it's real," he says, his voice still low. "I can't seem to explain my actions. It's like... God... it's like I was a different person or something, and all of a sudden my eyes are open and all I can see is you."

"No, it's not important now," says Janet, smiling at his reaction. "But it's going to be funny later."

"I believe you, Daniel. I just don't know what to do right now." She blushed. "Beautiful, huh? That's--nice. I like hearing that."

"She wanted you to think it was me. It was some twisted, petty kind of revenge." Janet shakes her head and sighs. "I was aware the whole time. I was-- Never mind. You don't need to hear it."

"Oh," says Janet quietly. "That's-- It's nice to hear. But I don't know what to do next. I was hurt very deeply by your actions, Daniel."

OOC: Wow, we should so wrap this up.

He groaned, shaking his head.

"You are beautiful... stunning even," he said, softly. "On the inside and the out."

He looked at her, concerned. "Do you want to talk about it? No... I guess you don't."

He looked away. "I know, and all I can say is sorry. All I seem to be able to say is sorry. Do you want me to go?"

ooc: That might be a good idea! *g*

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