fandomhighdorms | South Attic: Illyana's very protected room

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South Attic: Illyana's very protected room - NFB

Beka walked into Illyana's room without knocking. She hoped, firefights and narrow escapes did she hope, that Illyana hadn't yet heard about Kitty. If she had...

If she had, Illyana would have to go back to Limbo and Darkchylde for good.

"Illyana. Wake up. We need to talk."

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Illyana sat up and pulled her knees up under her chin.

"Yes?" She asked softly, not looking up.

Beka settled on the bed, near enough that Yana could lean against her or rest her head in Beka's lap if she wanted, but not so near that they had to touch if Yana preferred it otherwise.

"Can you do a spell that blocks your telepathy? If so, can it be selective? I need to know. Now." Her tone wasn't sharp, but it was urgent.

Needing the contact, and maybe taking this as a sign that Beka didn't hate her, Illyana laid her head in Beka's lap.

"I can do a selective spell to block certain things from my mind," she whispered. "That was the first thing Belasco taught me."

Breathing a sigh of relief, Beka stroked Yana's hair, willing her to understand that no matter their relationship, she still loved her.

"Love, I need you to do that spell now. I need you to block your mind from...anything having to do with people you knew from your old life - whether they're the actual same people or from a different timesteam. You can keep your memories, if you like, but nothing since arriving here."

She sighed. "But before you do, I would like for you to tell me about Kitty and your brother. So I'll know."

Illyana is confused as to why Beka is asking this of her, but she doesn't question it at the moment.

"Piotr and Kitty? They were killed in my time...in Limbo. I watched them die...I killed Cat. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/darkchylde_/2114.html)"

Beka bent down and kissed Illyana's head. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it for a few minutes before you do the spell? Or would you rather forget now?"

Beka's stomach knotted and flipped. She hated this. She hated it. But it was for Illyana's own safety and sanity. It had to be done. She could throw up later or call someone...Bel...Veronica...Piper...later. Angelus would've been her first choice. He always understood best when it came to this. Damn him for being gone now of all times.

A thought struck her. "Yana, is there some way I can trigger this spell to stop? Or tell you to stop the spell someday?"

Illyana shook her head. "No, I don't want to talk about it right now," she said softly. "Besides, there is a Kitty here, in this time."

She thought for a moment. "Yes, I can fix it where you can stop the spell."

Beka stroked her hair again. "Yes, love. There is. But you won't know her when you do the spell, right?" Please, if there is a god... but I don't want her to lose everything...

"Was there something special you shared with them? Something little that you could keep without knowing exactly what it meant that would still feel like home?"

Illyana frowned. "No, I guess I won't." She thought for a moment.

"Snowflake."

Beka nodded and bit the inside of her lip, hard, to keep from running away and not doing this thing. "Do the spell, Yana. Do the whole spell and don't try to hold anything back. Trust me, it'll help you stop hurting." And keep it from starting again.

Illyana closed her eyes and went stiff and then still for a few minutes. She started breathing again and then opened her eyes with a yawn.

Beka watched, worriedly stroking Illyana's shoulders until she breathed again. "Is it done, then, Snowflake?"

Illyana looked up at Beka, concentrating. "I think so."

Beka drew Illyana up and hugged her tightly. I love you.

"Good. Now, about that talk we need to have. We've got some ground rules to establish. The first, and most important? Anything you do that isn't going to class, studying, taking care of your physical needs or making friends, you discuss with me first. That means, if you think it'd be a good idea to make it sunny outside on a rainy day - if you can even do that - you ask me first. It means if you think someone needs help but they're not going to die right that instant, you ask me first. Clear?"

"I love you, too."

Illyana dropped her eyes so Beka didn't see the conflict and anger she was fighting down. "Yes, I can change the weather if I think it would be a good idea...but only in selected areas."

"Illyana, please. Try not to fight me. I don't want you to have to go back there. Do you understand that you have to ask me before you do anything with your magic?"

Illyana tries to speak, but her voice catches, so instead, she just nods.

Beka longed to curl her hand around Illyana's head and draw her into an embrace. She didn't do it. "Next rule: You stay away from Phoebe. You don't go near her unless I'm with you. If you get assigned to work with her in class, you tell me immediately and I'll make arrangements with you that won't humiliate you." She sighed. "I don't want you to be unhappy. Just safe for you and everyone else."

Illyana nods again, not looking up. There's so much in her head, so much she wants to say, but she bites her tongue, tasting blood.

"You can speak, Illyana. I'm not cruel, and we're still friends... I hope. You're one of my best friends. I... know that's going to change. I wish it didn't have to." A spasm of grief for what she was losing passed over her before she hardened herself again to the task ahead of her. "I've made sure that no one will interfere. Not Belthazor and not Angelus. It's just between us."

"Everytime I talk, I cause you to be upset, Beka," she said softly. "But, what you mean to me isn't going to change, it never will. I love you and you will always be my best friend. I'm just sorry that I let you down."

Beka hugged Illyana tightly. "Shh. It's not like that. You don't upset me, and you didn't 'let me down'. You put us all in a bad spot, yes. But..." Pushing Illyana out to arm's length, she caught and met her gaze. "I understand what you thought you were doing. And truthfully, it's not so different from what I would do. It's just that I'd have understood that Phoebe would be afraid, and I wouldn't have done it. You don't understand that, and that's why you need my help. OK?"

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South Attic: Illyana's very protected room - NFB

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