Up on the Roof: Monday Night [10-1-07]

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana still couldn't stand to spend more than a few minutes at a time in her room - the room she and Jim had shared. So tonight she was up on the roof staring at the moon and the stars and wondering how the hell she was supposed to get over him and whether she should just give up this whole love thing as a bad deal.

She wished Jack were still here, even though he'd told her she gave her heart too easily and wouldn't be surprised about all this. At least he'd have found a way to make her smile. And at the moment she couldn't even imagine that as a possibility.

But for now she'd just sit here avoiding everyone and everything. Maybe she'd sleep up here.


[Open]

Comments

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

Eventually Cassandra simply needed to get out of her room. She had found the roof mostly quiet and rarely occupied, so she headed up there. Discovering someone else up there was a bit surprising, and she almost turned and left. Instead she decided to simply lean against the door frame. Watching, and trying not to pay attention to the voice suggesting that it wouldn't be hard to push the other girl off the roof.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana was oblivious to anyone's presence, still lost in her own misery. She might not even have struggled had someone tried to push her off the roof.

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

Seeing that attitude in the way Lana was standing only made it more difficult for Cassandra to ignore the it'd be so easy whispers. So she decided to try conversation. Maybe that would help her focus a bit.

"Um... hello?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana spun around, startled to hear another voice. "Oh, hi," she said, feeling abit fooolish.

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Bad weekend?" Cassandra had one, and so did her roommate, it wasn't unlikely that other people had too.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"The worst," Lana said quietly. "I'm sorry. I don't think we've met before. I'm Lana."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Cassandra," she offered back equally quietly. "I'm new," she added.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Nice to meet you," Lana said. "I'm afraid I'm pretty bad company right now."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"That's okay. Me too... all the time." She tried to smile to make it a joke, but it probably wasn't very convincing.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana smiled a little wanly. "Sounds like we're a fine pair then."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"I guess so," Cassandra shook her head wryly. "So... why did you come up here?" Even after only a few weeks, Cassandra already tended to think of the roof as "hers" in a lot of ways.

She didn't know it had already been claimed.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Can't stand to be in my room," Lana said simply. "And I tried the drinking/sleeping in the common room thing the past two nights, so I figured I should try somethong different."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Oh," Cassandra considered that. "Sometimes that happens to me. The room thing, not the drinking thing."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Really?" Lana said curiously. "Why do you have room issues."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"I'm not very good around people." Meg was actually a great roommate. But still a person.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana nodded. "Yeah. I'm good around them, but sometimes I just need to be alone."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Should I... leave you alone, then?" Cassandra certainly didn't want to intrude, and Lana was here first.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"No, of course not," Lana said. "It's a big roof and it certainly doesn't belong to me."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, but..." Cassandra grinned just a bit, "I'm a person. So you're not alone."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana shrugged. "Doesn't matter," she said. "I can leave if you'd rather be alone. I don't much care where I am as long as I'm not in my room."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"It's fine. Just... be careful? I'm... sort of... dangerous, I guess."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana looked at her curiously. "What do you mean, dangerous?"

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"I... I'm not a very nice person sometimes? And... when I forgot who I was this weekend, some of my... I guess old self, came back. It's very not nice."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry," Lana said kindly. "That must be very difficult."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"I'm sort of scared," she admitted. "That I might hurt someone." Or kill them.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Wow," Lana said quietly. "That must be a terribly way to feel all the time. Anything I can do to help?"

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Um... be careful?" Cassandra didn't have a lot of ideas on that front.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana shrugged. "At the moment my own personal safety doesn't mean a lot, but yeah, I will."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

At that statement a serious frown spread across Cassandra's face, "It means something to me. People's lives... matter. Are important."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry," Lana said, very softly. "Right now, though..."

She shook her head. "Lives are very important. Just... not mine. Not to me right now."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Everyone's." Cassandra didn't doubt that at all.

She frowned, "I'm... not very good at it massive understatement, but... want to talk?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"My boyfriend's gone," Lana said. "Which I know sounds really stupid, but... Everyone I love dies or is taken away. He's the only one who ever came back to me and I thought maybe this time I'd be able to keep someone in my life."

She made a face. "And now he's gone. For good."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Oh," Cassandra frowned again. "At least he's not dead?"

No, that wasn't really comforting, but Cassandra's always looked on the bright side. That, and for her that would be a big deal, considering her life.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana nodded, tears starting to fall, and wrapped her arms around her knees. "He is. And I made him promise he'd find someone else. That he'd be happy."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

Cassandra took a half step forward, then stopped. She'd never been very good at the comfort thing. "But... if it made you sad, why did you do it?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Because I love him and more than anything else in the world, I want him to be happy," Lana said through her tears. "I don't want him spending the rest of his life being miserable."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

After a moment to think about that, Cassandra asked, "Was he?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Miserable? Yeah. He didn't want to go, but he didn't have a choice."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Why?" Cassandra didn't understand, but that wasn't new. There were a lot of things she didn't understand.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"His dad pulled him out of the school and he's still a minor. He gets no say in his life." Lana made a face. "I really hate his dad."

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"His dad doesn't sound very nice."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Not nice at all," Lana admitted.

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"And there's nothing you can do about it?" That wasn't something Cassandra was used to. She did things about her problems. Usually violent things.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"No. He's not even from the same time as I am," Lana said sadly.

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

"Oh." Cassandra stood silently for a bit.

"Sorry," she said lamely.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Thanks," Lana said and rested her chin on her knees to go back to staring at the sky.

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

Cassandra simply stood where she was. Offering human presence, but not really able to think of anything else to do to help.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana managed a small thankful smile up at her, but just didn't have the energy to give anything else.

[iseewhatyoumean.livejournal.com]

She got a small smile back for her trouble. Then Cassandra simply leaned her head back against the doorframe. Nothing more was needed. They could just sit here, alone with their thoughts.