fandomhighdorms | Third floor common room, Friday morning

Jan was hungry. Yes, there was grass downstairs, but what he really wanted was some more of those delicious, delicious oats.

He could get the cupboards open with his teeth, but his horn made it difficult to poke through them. This was how he managed to knock a bag of flour, which bounced off his head and onto his withers, even as he tried to duck out of the way.

It didn't do a lot of damage, but it did leave him with a white stripe from his ears to the base of his tail. Normally, this wouldn't be anything but irritating. Today...

"Bewdiful," came the slurred voice. Jan looked down to see a striped rat with a puffy tail staring up at him out of unfocussed eyes. "Loves you. Niscehst, nischest girl I've ever seen."

It grabbed Jan's hoof and started kissing it while Jan stared in utter horror. "Kindly let go of me," he muttered, knowing it would be wrong to kick the thing out a window when it could talk, and not sure how to extricate himself without hurting it.

"Nah, nah, nah I loves you." It was slobbering on his foot and it stunk (like a brewery, not that Jan knew it). "You 'n me, gonna make bewdiful music together."

"Help?" Jan ventured, entirely at a loss.

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Friday was really over this 'getting up before noon' thing, but he had class again this morning and he suspected it was going to involve running and jumping and exercising until he threw up. Breakfast was probably a good idea. Something involving eggs and juice and healthy things that wouldn't be so terrible if they happened to come back up in a few hours if Professor Dex was feeling cruel today.

He hadn't been expecting to run into Jan again. Or a, what was that? "That's a skunk." Mornings were good for stating the obvious.

"Friday!" Jan was truly happy to see him, and his voice held a certain amount of desperation. "It won't let go." As if to prove Jan's point, the skunk wrapped its furry forepaws around Jan's leg, and started slobbering sweet nothings into his fetlock. "And it talks."

"Did you talk back and ask nicely?"

"I asked it to let go." Jan bent his head right down low so he was nose to ear with the skunk. "I don't wish to hurt you, but I will if you do not release me." He wouldn't, not if it could be avoided, but the skunk didn't know that.

The skunk's resopnse was to lunge at Jan's nose and try and smooch him, proclaiming its love

Horrified, he quickly pulled his head away. "It will not listen!"

"I think it likes you." Friday walked closer and tried to get a better look. He shrugged. "Hey you. Yeah, skunk. What's all this?"

"Mine." The skunk glared at him and raised its tail threateningly. "Ish my girl."

Jan's ears drooped and he tried to shake it off, but it only clung tighter.

Friday managed to keep himself composed as he kept a reasonable distance from the skunk (hello, skunk) and tried not to laugh at Jan's situation. He crouched down to talk to the skunk. "Hate to break it to you," he said, trying to feign sympathy, "but Jan isn't a girl. You're hugging a boy."

The skunk slid onto its side with the grace of the deeply drunk and kissed Jan's hoof some more. "Nah nah nah ish a girl with a bewdiful stripe."

Jan's ears went flat to his head. "I am not a girl," he said, grinding his teeth and wondering if it would really be wrong to kick the obnoxious thing across the room.

He stood back up. "I think he's drunk. Like really, really drunk. Or he has a natural slurring problem. Either way, it doesn't look good."

"I loves you," the skunk proclaimed, and started to giggle. "I loves you all." At no time did he loosen his hold on Jan's foot.

"Is it hopeless, then?" Jan asked. "Will it cling to me forever?"

"You could kick it. Watch out for the smell though. If it decides to stink up the place, I'm out of here."

"But it is talking, and so small, it seems wrong to kick it." Not that he sounded all that convinced of that any more. His nose wrinkled, showing very large teeth. "There is a smell?"

"Skunks let off a really bad smell when they're threatened or scared or really annoyed."

The skunk was babbling its love to Jan's fetlock and curling up around his hoof. And drooling.

Jan's ears flicked, back and forth. "How bad is the smell?" he asked, eyeing the door, the window, and Friday, wondering how far and how fast he could kick it.

Friday shrugged and took a few big steps back with a look on his face that really said 'bad bad bad, so bad I don't want any part of it'.

Jan saw the look, and his tail drooped. "I will wait. Surely it must fall asleep soon." He didn't want to be responsible for making one of the common places uninhabitable.

The skunk belched. Loudly.

"Okay," Friday said, unsure that that would work. "You wait, I'm going to get breakfast." He went to the fridge and opened it, then looked back. "Maybe if you rock it a little, the rhythm will make it fall to sleep."

Wendy was in search of food. Food and coffee.

She didn't expect the tableau that greeted her as she entered the common room though. "Jan?"

And now Jan was eyeing Friday suspiciously. "I should rock it?"

The skunk struggled to its feet, weaving as it flopped against Jan's leg. "Ish my girl," it warned her.

Jan sighed and looked at her forlornly. "It is a skunk. I cannot move or it will make a bad smell, and it will not let go."

Friday shrugged. "I don't know! He looks really, really sloshed. It shouldn't be too hard to put him to sleep. Maybe sing him a lullaby or something."

He'd suggested that last one just to see if Jan would do it.

"He's not a girl," Wendy addressed the skunk, trying not to laugh for Jan's sake. "He's a unicorn."

She looked up at Jan. "I hear tomato juice will get rid of the smell, at least?"

He snorted, making the skunk look up at him, all bleary-eyed and kissy-faced, and Jan decided it was worth a try. "Sleep, little foal, while the moon is high, no wolves will creep, or wingcats fly," he sang, not sure where he was getting it from, but he knew he'd heard it before. "No pards will strike, no eagles swoop, your eyes can close, your ears can droop."

This was humiliating. And it had no appreciable effect on the skunk's wakefulness. It did, however, cause it to cuddle closer and wrap its tail around Jan's other leg while it drunkenly tried to sing along.

Jan glared at Friday.

The skunk belched at her. "Ish a stripey girl. Ish my stripey girl."

"I am trying to avoid the smell," Jan muttered, "by waiting for it to fall asleep."

"You'd be surprised how long it can take some drunkies to fall asleep," Wendy replied sympathetically. "Do girls have horns where you come from? Because he does."

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Third floor common room, Friday morning

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