The Salle, Wednesday Afternoon

[raspberryturk]

Chuck Norris did not need exercise, but Chuck Norris had commandeered the Salle today in order to go through the motions. Mostly, this served as a reminder to the planet itself that he was Chuck Norris, and as such it ought to be quivering in fear.

Really, it was Reno in a cowboy hat and matching boots, but the attitude was there, and nobody but nobody questioned the fashion sense of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris invented fashion. He willed it into being.

Fashion was allowed to exist simply because Chuck Norris allowed it to be so.

And that was why he looked damn fine in that hat, punching the air and teaching it who was boss.

[The Salle is open for all your Salle or Chuck Norris needs.]

Comments

[fabulous-secret.livejournal.com]

It didn't matter that last week had been excellent practice for She-Ra's fighting skills, Adora still needed to keep herself up on her sword skills.

"Good afternoon," she greeted the strange boy in the hat with a smile before moving to set up a dummy for training. Someone had not been informed who Chuck Norris was.

[notthehulk.livejournal.com]

Did Chuck Norris know about all the money he could save by using Geico? The money was there to watch him. And see if he did.

[raspberryturk]

Oh. She would learn.

"Good afternoon," Chuck Norris replied, nodding his head in recognition of the lady with a sword. There was a slight Texan drawl to his voice as he replied, and his tone said very much that he wasn't wishing she would have a good afternoon, he was telling her that was how it was gonna be.

He would have been more interested in the sword, if not for the fact that the only thing that could cut Chuck Norris was Chuck Norris.

As it stood, he was going to simply roundhouse kick the head off of his own dummy so hard that it flew around the world to hit the dummy in the shoulder on the other side.

... Or it bounced across the room and smacked into the wall. But Chuck Norris had no need for such details.

[raspberryturk]

Chuck Norris did not need to save money by switching to Geico. Chuck Norris did not need car insurance.

Car insurance companies paid Chuck Norris to bless them with the time of day to offer him insurance. Would the little bundle of money do that?

[notthehulk.livejournal.com]

The little bundle of money was saddened as it realized just who it was dealing with. It was simply lucky that Chuck Norris took mercy on it and didn't decide to roundhouse kick Geico into bankruptcy.

[fabulous-secret.livejournal.com]

Adora stopped setting up because that was almost cool.

"Good thing that was just a dummy. Do you ever find wearing a hat to be a problem in a fight?" No one wore hats where she was from, helmets maybe.

[raspberryturk]

And Chuck Norris could. In fact, Chuck Norris could roundhouse kick Geico into bankruptcy and right back out again all at the same time.

Because he was Chuck Norris.

[raspberryturk]

It was not almost cool. Cool was merely a step in the ladder on the way to the subzero freezing that Chuck Norris was. Chuck Norris was so cool, he gave lava frostbite.

"I never have a problem in a fight, ma'am," Chuck Norris replied.

He did not have problems in fights. Fights had problems with him.

[notthehulk.livejournal.com]

The money tried to appease him by offering up yet more money in order to have him make certain no one ever got into a car accident on Geico's dime. By threat of roundhouse kick.

[raspberryturk]

Chuck Norris considered this suggestion for all of a moment, and then decided that he would, indeed, make such an arrangement.

Why? Because he was Chuck Norris. He did not threaten to roundhouse kick. He merely did roundhouse kick, once, and all cars obeyed his every whim.

[fabulous-secret.livejournal.com]

"Never is a very broad period of time," Adora replied. "Surely your first fight didn't go perfectly." How would it be possible?

[raspberryturk]

"I've been fighting perfectly since the day I was born."

It was true.

Actually, technically, Chuck Norris hadn't been born. Chuck Norris simply punched his way out of his mother's womb.

[fabulous-secret.livejournal.com]

"Now that is strong statement. Or are you just trying to impress me, boy whose name I didn't catch?" She wondered why this boy in the strange hat would want to impress people he'd just met.

[raspberryturk]

"I'm Chuck Norris," Chuck Norris replied in a way that insinuated that this was simply How It Was. "I do not need to impress anyone."

If people were not impressed by Chuck Norris, it was likely that they were well beyond dead. Because even the dead were afraid of Chuck Norris, it was true. Why? Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

[fabulous-secret.livejournal.com]

"Well, Chuck Norris. I am Adora and you can consider me unimpressed." Really, she was just having that kind of week because Chuck Norris was just impressive.

[raspberryturk]

It was not that Chuck Norris did not know what to do in the face of somebody who was unimpressed. It was simply that nobody had ever been unimpressed in the face of Chuck Norris before.

In the face of this fact and this fact alone, Chuck Norris did the only thing he could do.

He roundhouse kicked the disembodied head of the dummy so hard that not only did it rest upon the shoulders of the dummy it had come from once again, but it was also firmly attached and the dummy it belonged to was thanking him for his mercy.

In actuality, the head really was sitting on the dummy's shoulders again, but the thanking part was all in Reno's head. But it was still kinda cool.

[notthehulk.livejournal.com]

It was true. And all shall fear his beardy wrath. Yes, even the money with a pair of googly eyes was afraid of Chuck Norris.