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Emo Roof, Emo Sunday Afternoon

Squall stood on the roof.

Ayup.

For once, he actually wasn't thinking anything. His mind was completely empty as he stared down at the sidewalk in front of the dorms. He breathed deeply, watching intently the movement of the birds, the people walking below, the waving of the leaves. He listened to every sound, especially ones coming from the door behind him that he was definitely not looking at.

He was in full-on stakeout mode, examining every possible input from his senses for signs of a threat. Because if he did that, he didn't have to think about the stupid onions from yesterday. Or how comforting it had been for Rinoa to hug him afterwards.

Beneath him, things carried on with their day.

[Open like a roof.]

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And behind him, they did too! Ino had realized that, really, she hadn't come up for a fly on Staffy in a while and that was kinda sad even if Liir leaving still bothered her and that did tie into Staffy and anyway she wanted to go for a fly.

Which would be why Ino could be found opening the door to the roof, Staffy in one hand, and taking a moment to blink at Squall.

"What're you doin'?" she asked, after a moment.

Squall's head had turned as soon as the door opened, but he barely acknowledged Ino's presence. "Nothing," he grunted. If she wanted to do nothing with him, he wouldn't make her go away. If she was hoping he'd do something fun and exciting, though, she was SOL. He was being all emo, dammit!

"You're still breathin'," she said brightly, because she had to be bright in response to something like that. "That's something. And you were staring and you moved your head. Somethin' is goin' on. You in a bad mood or somethin'?"

"People always think I'm in a bad mood," Squall pointed out. Obviously, he disagreed, but he'd found that it was pretty pointless to argue about it. And even if he were in a bad mood, it's not like he'd want to talk about it with anyone.

"Stupid onions," he muttered.

"Mmm," Ino said, wandering over to perch on the edge of the roof. "I don't."

More standoffish, really, due the absence of killing intent directed in her general direction.

"They weren't fun at all," she agreed, resting Staffy on her knees. "The island is mean sometimes."

Honestly, Squall didn't usually care enough about people to want to kill them.

He shrugged. "It is what it is, and it's not going to change. It's pointless to be upset at it. All we can control are our own reactions to it." Deep. Philosophical. And maybe saying it out loud would help him control how upset he felt.

"That don't really work though," Ino said, glancing up at the sky. "None of us are rocks to ignore everything, and none of us are the sky to be so vast that nothing can trouble us, you know? Gettin' upset makes us human. Keeps us on the ground."

"Getting upset is stupid," Squall grumbled.

Which was why he didn't ever do it. For realz. Honest.

"It makes you vulnerable."

And that was something that he just couldn't stand.

"It's awful," Ino agreed, sighing a bit. "And some people use it against you, and some people use it to think you can't deal with other things, and some use it as an excuse to treat you like you'll break at every little bump, yeah?"

"I don't break!" Squall growled at her.

(What does she think I am?)

"And I don't get upset!" That was a lie, and he didn't like lying. "At least, not often."

No, Ariel didn't have a reason to be up on the roof; did she need one? Maybe she just wanted to take in the nice view or get the fresh air and think about how incredible it was that there was even more up there as there was down in the ocean, but she had a feeling maybe the real reason she went up was because Squall was up there.

"Mmmm," she said, stretching out. "Nice night. Think it'll rain?"

"You're not a ray of sunshine right now," she pointed out, keeping her voice deliberately mild. "And I weren't talkin' 'bout you in specific with the breaking, though everyone has a breaking point somewhere."

Squall shrugged. "Dunno. Does it matter?" If it rained, he'd just go inside and ~~mope~~ think in his room.

He shot Ariel a grumpy sort of glare. "I don't need to talk to anyone." Did he want to? Yeah, kind of. Was he going to admit that? No.

"Haven't found mine yet," Squall told her. He was strong. He was strong because everyone else was just going to hurt him in the end, so he HAD to be strong. And he WOULD NOT BREAK.

"I didn't say you did," Ariel pointed out, meeting Squall's death glare with a soft smile. "And I hope it does rain. I like when it rains; it makes everything seem so fresh in the morning, don't you think?"

"It makes everything wet," Squall countered. Annoyingly wet.

Rain itself was soothing, though.

"Honestly?" Ino glanced at him. "Ain't found mine yet either. Don't mean other things can't hurt me though."

"That's another reason to like it!" Ariel informed him. "I like it when it's wet; reminds me more of home. It gets pretty wet there."

"So don't let them," Squall ordered her.

As if it were just that easy.

"And how would you expect me to do that?" Ino asked, honestly curious about the answer.

"I don't like it wet," Squall explained. But, then again, he didn't like much of anything.

"And I don't like onions."

"Oooh, like those onions yesterday?" asked Ariel. "I never liked onions that much, anyway, but those ones were just annoying. And a little mean, too. I threw mine out the window."

Squall shrugged. "I dunno." He didn't really HAVE an answer. "You just don't let them."

"They were more than a LITTLE mean," Squall told her with a grimace.

He could have said a lot more about how they hurt his feeling until he lost control and lashed out in anguish, and about how much what they'd said was still eating at him. Instead, he just grumbled that "They sucked."

Ariel's face turned sympathetic. "Yeah," she said. "I'm just glad no one was around to hear mine. Pretty bad, huh?"

She knew there was probably a good chance Squall wouldn't want to talk about it. But there was also a slight chance he might, so she figured it was worth a try.

"If you ever find that out," Ino replied, "it'd be a mighty useful thing to know. So many things can hurt."

"There were a lot of them," Squall answered. That should tell her everything she needed to know.

"I didn't like them," he added. Not because she needed that clarified, but because he wanted to say it again.

"And unfortunately, Potions don't always work." Squall frowned and stared at the floor. "It sucks. I hate it."

"What'd you wind up doing to them?" asked Ariel.

Squall raised an eyebrow at her. What did she think he did to them?

"I'm a soldier," he explained.

"I don't know," Ariel admitted with an apologetic look, "if that's meant to mean that you got 'em pretty good, or that you're trained well enough that you could ignore them."

"I got 'em pretty well," Squall corrected.

It was better than saying "I slaughtered them in a fit of rage."

"Potions are pretty sucky tasting too," she noted, having to say that. "Though I'd take 'em if they fixed all the problems that hurt for people."

Because, really...

Did...Squall just correct her grammar?

What a nerd.

"Well, good. That probably got them to shut up, didn't it?"

Squall shrugged. "Whatever," he replied blankly.

Sure, the dead onions had shut up, but their words still haunted him. Which they shouldn't, since he was a big tough guy who could shrug off that sort of thing. He hated feeling weak.

"That," Ariel said, shaking her head, "is your response to everything...They're just stupid onions, you know, what do they know about anything?"

"They're better than a trip to the doctor," Squall pointed out.

He'd kind of forgotten how nasty they tasted -- he was just that used to them. Besides, when the choice was to drink a Potion or die, the taste didn't really matter.

"I know," she admitted, "and I got the good luck of bein' my own doctor in a lot of cases. Still nothing gets rid of a thought that lurks in the back of your head that hurts, no?"

Squall hung his head and gritted his teeth. "Too much," he muttered, although not really to Ariel.

Stupid onions.

That didn't mean she didn't hear it, and she quirked her eyebrow a little, wondering where to take it after that.

She decided to go with, "It could have been worse. They could have been rotten tomatoes."

"Some things do," Squall answered, a bit ominously. Things like the Guardian Forces lurking inside his head. They never seemed to take the thoughts he wanted them to, though. And the pain remained, even when the memories didn't.

And that was all he had to say about that.

Her lips twitched.

"Well, yeah," Ino had to admit. "Knew that one too. Just ain't so common."

And it was awfully impossible to wipe your own memories.

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Emo Roof, Emo Sunday Afternoon

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