Third floor common room, Friday after classes

[notmyownage]

"HELLO!" Claudia greeted her non-existent internet audience. "Today on my drunk kitchen, we're going to make . . . meatballs." She nodded seriously, pouring herself a finger of apple cider.

It was nonalcoholic cider, but she wasn't about to let that stop her.

"The firsht thing you need to know about makin' meatballs is that they're made of meat." She nodded firmly, gesturing with her glass of cider. "The second thing is . . . what was . . . they're ball-shaped. I conshidered making salad, but thass not -- it doesn't take any kitcheninginginging. Ing."

Oh, this would go well.

[ooc: Open! Starring Claudia as Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen fame. Only sans icon because I didn't think of this until after I got to work. Come watch her antics! And maybe keep her from burning anything down!]

Comments

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Hey Claudia," Jack called out cheerfully as he walked into the room and grabbed the remote. "What's the good word for today?"

[notmyownage]

"The word of the day!" Claudia said, lifting her glass in greeting. "The word of the --" she turned back to her nonexistent web audience. "Do we have words of the day? I don't think we do."

This bit was so going on her little outtake opening thing.

"Jack!" she said, a bit belatedly. "We're makin' meatballs!"

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Jack paused a minute to look back at Claudia with a baffled expression. "We're making meatballs? As in you and me or are you just referring to yourself in the third person for giggles?"

[notmyownage]

"It's a collective we," Claudia completely failed to explain. "Me an' my audience." She gestured to the imaginary internet audience. "You can help though!" She turned back to the imaginary audience. "This is Jack! He's going to get us our first ingredient, which is meat."

In her mind's eye, this was the point where the video would briefly pause and white text would appear above her head reading "1. Meat."

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Jack looked over to the collective and imaginary audience and then back at Claudia.

"Maybe someone from your studio audience can get it for you?" he suggested.

Mostly to see how far this delusion was going.

[notmyownage]

Claudia snickered, managing to slosh some of her cider out of her cup as she swayed. "We don't have a studio, silly. This is the internet."

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"... Are you drunk?" Jack asked looking amused. "Because WOW. There is so not any internet here."

[notmyownage]

"Am I drunk." Claudia shot her internet audience a can you believe this guy? kind of face and finished off her glass of cider, then poured another. "Step two in makin' meatballsss," she said. "Find a better assisstant."

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Hey!" Jack protested "I'm a-"

...

"Why am I even arguing with her?" Jack said mostly to himself. "Fine, Claudia. Where's the meat you want to ball up?"

...

"That sounded dirtier than I intended."

[notmyownage]

"Nah, that's totally cool," Claudia told him. "The innnernet likes it dirty."

She scratched her head with the hand holding the glass. "I think maybe there's some in th' fridge?" She turned back to her audience. "Step three in making meatballs is remembering to make sure you have ingredients."

And yes, the video would totally then pause to show the following text:

"1. Meat.
2. Get a better assistant.
3. Make sure you have ingredients."

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Should you really be drinking right now while cooking?" Jack asked.

[notmyownage]

"The question is," Claudia corrected, "should I be cooking while I'm drinking?"

That was why she needed an assistant, really.

"Relaaaaaaaax, I do this alla time. And I barely never burn anything that isn't food."

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Which is really making me look forward to the meatballs," Jack commented as he pulled out a package of ground beef from the fridge. "This good?"

[notmyownage]

"Yay!" Claudia cheered. She reached out to pet the package of ground beef.

Don't ask.

Jack might notice the bite mark on her hand when she did that. Or he might not. Either way.

"Meat! It's very important in meatballs. An' it has the -- it's the -- the little, niggly, squiggly meats. Ground beef."

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

Actually Jack was boggling at the petting of the meat to notice the bite mark.

"Did you just pet the ground beef?" Jack asked.

Yes. He was ignoring that narrative bit.

[notmyownage]

"It keeps it happy," Claudia said. She turned back to the audience, still petting the beef. "Some people like to use ground turkey in their meatballs. They're called 'losers'." She made a face. "Ew, it's slimy!"

Or rather, it was covered in plastic.

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Why do you want happy meat?" Jack asked and then immediately added: "Again, more dirtier than I intended."

[notmyownage]

"'Cause then it's pleased." Mmm, tautology. "Okay, we need meat. We need herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbs. We need . . . don't they have eggs or something in 'em?"

A new ingredients list:

1. Meat
2. Herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbs
3. Eggs or something

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Okay! Sure. Eggs," Jack said going into the refrigerator. "They only have the kind in the carton and I'm not seeing any herbs."

[notmyownage]

"Damn you, refrigerator!" Claudia shook her fist at it and sipped her drink.

"H'okay. So. Is there any hot sauce?"

1. Meat.
2. Herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbs Hot sauce!
3. Eggs or something

"¡Caliente!"

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Maaaybe you should be not drinking so much," Jack suggested as he pulled a bottle of hot sauce out. Jack wasn't so sure that hot sauce and meatballs was a good idea.

Alien/human hybrids from Roswell might disagree.

[notmyownage]

Oh just wait. "And grape jelly," she said. "I'm not kidding."

1. Meat.
2. Herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbs Hot sauce!
3. Eggs or something
4. Grape jelly. Not kidding.

Claudia found a bowl in one of the cabinets. "Now we're gonna throw it all in a bowl and smoosh it together!"

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Is smooshing the technical term?" Jack asked with a grin.

[notmyownage]

"Don't you sass me, Assistant." Claudia picked up a spatula and turned back to her imaginary audience. "So you get smoosher, and then you do the -- the smooshing." She looked down into her bowl. "You have to put the ingredients in, first."

[exactlyaverage.livejournal.com]

"Are you telling me to get the smoosher and do the smooshing or are you talking to your hallucinatory audience again?"