http://valentine-tart.livejournal.com/ ([identity profile] valentine-tart.livejournal.com) wrote in [community profile] fandomhighdorms2005-09-29 03:40 pm
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Beka and Inara on the Maru - [privacy locked]

Beka paces the confines of the Maru. The flowers from Jack, several days old now, still sit in the alcove above her rack. Fresh flowers, from CJ, decorate the impromptu table and chairs she's pulled together out of crates and covered with scrap fabrics from Terazed. Fingering the cloth, Beka thinks of Rhade, the young Nietzschean Alpha who'd made love to her on that trip. It's harder to hate Nietzscheans now. And everything is so confusing.
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[identity profile] serra-inara.livejournal.com 2005-09-30 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
Inara sips her water and considers what she remembers.

"You were interested in him and you thought he was interested back. I heard other rumours from around the place, but nothing concrete."

[identity profile] valentine-tart.livejournal.com 2005-09-30 12:47 am (UTC)(link)
Beka nods. "It went further than that. Let's say we got to the boyfriend-girlfriend stage, but some things happened and it exploded messily. There was a prank that went wrong, I was involved mostly to protect him, but he didn't believe it, and... well, it went badly.

It's over now. We're speaking, even friends again. I tease him sometimes, because girls go a little crazy over him. One girl just punched another one for kissing him." She grins. "Kinda made me feel a bit better. About falling so hard for him."

[identity profile] serra-inara.livejournal.com 2005-09-30 12:50 am (UTC)(link)
Inara grins back. "I've seen some of the young men from the school when they come out to the town. They are attractive young men.

"So this isn't about him?"

[identity profile] valentine-tart.livejournal.com 2005-09-30 01:00 am (UTC)(link)
Beka sips at her coffee again, tries to organize her thoughts. "No. It's not about Cameron. It's not even really about men or women or sex, exactly...

Though, that's gotten strange too.

Maybe it sort of is.

I don't know really."

She sighs. "All right. Quick fill, in case it matters. After Cam and I exploded, I did a very typically me thing. I picked a fight with a very dangerous guy and got the hell beat out of me. I also almost had sex with him while we were doing that. Neither of these things bother me.

"I know why I did them. I don't do well with emotional pain. Physical pain, violence, sex...I understand these and can heal from them.

"After that, I went away for awhile. Sort of. My universe's time runs faster than this one. So I was away about ... three weeks and got some distance." She doesn't meet Inara's gaze now, because she's not sure she wants to know what Inara thinks about that. But she pauses to see if she does have something to say. Since that's why she's here, according to Parker, is to get unfrelled up.

[identity profile] serra-inara.livejournal.com 2005-09-30 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
Inara takes all this in. "I'm guessing that the distance didn't entirely help since you're here wanting counselling."

[identity profile] valentine-tart.livejournal.com 2005-09-30 01:50 am (UTC)(link)
Beka shakes her head. "No. The distance helped fine. I've met another guy, Jack, who is really terrific. We're taking things at an appropriate speed and all is good there. I also met this incredibly sexy very dangerous bad boy with whom I'm having a marvellous time just...you know. And Jack is fine with that. I've got a stable relationship with two other close friends that sometimes includes sex. Really, my love life is, well, it's complicated, I suppose, but it's not a problem."

Aftera long sip of coffee, she looks up again. "The real problem, as Parker puts it, is that I'm broken. I've got all these things that I know about my future that are very bad. And all these things about my world and my history that are not as bad but not good. I need to sort out all the stuff that I've already done and that I'm supposed to do and figure out how to stop feeling so...broken's the best word."

[identity profile] serra-inara.livejournal.com 2005-09-30 02:07 am (UTC)(link)
Inara considers this. She's willing to dismiss the sexual or romantic aspects of Beka's relationships, although she knows that sex - like everything else in life - is integral to the being of an individual.

"We're all broken, you know," she says at last. "The 'verse - whatever variation we come from - takes us apart and puts us back together. And even if we hide the cracks, there are weaknesses there that may give under pressure."

She looks at the girl, considering her age. "Is it that you don't know where you are in time and what you've already done and are yet to do? From the sound of it, your 'verse is flexible in time comparative to this one."

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