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Monday Evening: WHSG and Room 403

Lana leaves a note on the door of the classroom where they normally hold the WHSG club, saying she figures everyone will be at Molly's party, but if people would like to meet she will be in her room this evening and anyone's free to stop by.

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Come on in and chat.

Come on in.

"Hi, Lana," Kiki smiled as she entered. "I came by to see how you were doing."

"Hi Kiki." Lana shrugs. "I'm doing okay, I guess. How are you?"

"Not too bad. Classes, and such. Same old, same old!"

"Yeah. Which is kind of a blessing, really. Means I don't have to actually think."

Lana let out a deep breath. "Everyone's really worried about me. Like they think I might... do something really stupid."

"Well, your friends are concerned - we feel for you, and you've been put in a rough spot," Kiki answered. "But I don't think you'll do anything stupid," she gave Lana a smile.

"I'm glad to hear that," Lana says. "Which is not to say I don't want to just crawl into bed and never come out again, but..."

"Oh, I don't blame you for that!" Kiki nodded. "That mess of mine with Harry and John? If there had been a rock I could have hidden under until I turned 18, I would have used it. But then... that was all my own fault to begin with, and this? Isn't your fault at all. Or anybody's, for that matter."

"Nope, not anyone's fault," Lana repeated. "Nothing either of us could do."

She sighed and shook her head. "You'd think it would get easier. I've lost so many people now, but sometimes each time feels like the first."

"It doesn't," Kiki agreed. "Probably because each loss is unique."

"I almost begged him to take me with him," Lana said quietly. "Now... I'm kind of regretting that I didn't. I... I really loved him. I didn't want to let myself fall in love with him, but I did anyway."

"Lana? Don't say that as if it were a bad thing. Loving Shep, and what you shared with him, will never be something you should feel guilty or ashamed about. I know, I know - I'm the worst person to give advice or anything like it about relationships or love, but I think I know a good thing when I see it. Love is one of those good things, even when it can hurt so much."

"I don't feel guilty or ashamed about it. I just... I wish I'd said more to him. I kind of danced around it. And he - we - didn't want to go there. I think a part of both of us knew this would happen."

Lana looks out the window at the star cluster that holds Atlantis somewhere deep within it. "It doesn't hurt any less because I didn't say it. And that's what I regret. Not saying it."

"Ah..." Kiki answered, uncertain what to say further. "I think," she said slowly, after a moment, "that he might know. Even without your saying it...I'm not sure that helps."

"I think he did too," Lana said. "We used to joke about my being pretty much an open book. And I know he cared about me. But I don't know if he loved me."

She shrugged, "Not that it matters now, I guess."

"I guess," nodded Kiki. "I don't know of knowing would make it better or worse, really."

"Better," Lana said quietly. "Either way. But it's okay. Or.. it *will* be okay. Eventually. In the meantime, I guess I just get to be Angst Girl for a while."

Kiki grinned at her friend. "Nothing wrong with a little frolic with angst," she said. "You're entitled to it right now."

"Thanks, Kiki. I appreciate your understanding. Really I do."

Lana reached over and hugged her friend.

Kiki, hugging her back, said, "You're welcome! Actually, thanks for letting me hang out here a bit tonight. I kind of needed the company."

"I'm sorry!" Lana looked chagrined. "I've just been a terrible friend lately. How are you? What's going on?"

"Nonsense, you haven't! And to tell the truth, it's a bit of a relief to try to help a friend with their own problems than to sulk over my own!" Kiki shook her head. "You're going to think me completely stupid and selfish - I do - but...I'm starting to get tired of all these big school-wide birthday parties people keep throwing."

Kiki shook her head and laughed at herself. "And that's my dumb reason for sulking!"

"I know. I haven't been to any of them. I don't really know the people and it just feels a little pretentious for me to show up and try to fit in with the "in" crowd, which clearly doesn't include me. And you know if people tried to throw a party like that for me, the only people who would come would probably be you, Phoebe, Cole, and maybe Maia. It would be very humiliating."

"Exactly! I know if I showed up I'd just feel out of place and stupid and as if I were trying to make a point out of how certain people get all the attention, and then you and Phoebe and I just get ignored when our birthdays roll around. I wish I had known Phoebe better back in October; we could have thrown a big party for her birthday." Kiki put her head to one side. "You know, Lana, I don't know when your birthday is! I hope I haven't missed it!"

"~~Gosh, that's a really good question and one the Mun hasn't been able to find out the answer to, except that it's probably in November, so...~~ November," Lana said with a shrug. "I didn't say anything to anyone. My birthdays never turn out well ~~canonically speaking~~, so I figured I'd just ignore it."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I wish we hadn't missed it; Phoebe and I could have put something together to give you a good one, for once," Kiki answered sincerely.

"That's sweet of you," Lana said with a smile. "I appreciate the sentiment!"

Just 'cause I like the icon.

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Monday Evening: WHSG and Room 403

For any WHSG people who want to stop by

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OOC