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fandomhighdorms2006-06-30 11:30 pm
lovelylana.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhighdorms2006-06-30 11:30 pm
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Room 403: Friday afternoon
Lana went straight back to her room after work. She'd intended to go to the go-kart races, but she felt there was something she needed to do first.
Once there she locked her door and closed her shades, not wanting any distractions from what she planned. She sat herself comfortably on her bed, trying to breathe deeply and relax as much as possible. Then she waited for Whitney.
It didn't take him long to arrive. He hadn't left her for any real length of time since he'd arrived on Monday. He opened his mouth to start in on her, but she put up her hand to stop him. "Please. I think it's time for you to listen to me."
He raised his eyebrows, but took a seat in the chair by the window and gestured for her to go ahead.
"I loved you, Whitney. Loved you for a very long time. And I've grieved your loss and what I felt was my part in it since you died. It's not surprising that you can't forgive me, because I've never been able to forgive myself." She looked down, trying to stay calm and focused. "But I can't let you do this to me anymore. It has to stop here. And you have to leave."
He smirked at her. "It isn't that easy, Lana."
She made a little face. "I think maybe it is. Maybe that's really all I have to do - decide that I won't let you torment me any more."
He stood up, coming closer to her. "I loved you, Lana, and you sent me to my death believing that you didn't care. I was careless because all I could think about was that I'd lost you. That's why I died."
She nodded, tears filling her eyes. "I know. But there's nothing I can do about it now except say that I'm sorry for whatever part I played in that and move on with my life. And I am sorry. I... should have found a way to handle it differently."
He switched tactics, sensing that he was losing ground. "It's not too late for us, Lana. You could still come with me. We could be together forever. You could be with your parents. Everything would be good again. The way it's supposed to be."
She shook her head. "No," she said simply. "My parents would never want me to do that. You would never have asked me to do this - not if you were really you. The Whitney who loved me wouldn't have wanted to follow him into death. Never. So whether you're not really him or him twisted or some other thing entirely, I don't know. But I do know that you have to leave now and go back to wherever you came from."
"They'll all leave you," he said desperately. "Don't think that anything will change. Everyone you love will die or leave you."
"Maybe they will," she said, her voice shaking. "And I'll have to keep finding a way to deal with the loss. But I'm going to deal with it through my life. Not through my death."
"You'll be alone forever," he warned, but he already looked almost transparent, as if he was fading away in front of her.
"Then I'll be alone forever." She put up a hand to push futilely at the tears that wouldn't stop falling. "Maybe I'll never have anyone who stays in my life, but I'm not going to give up on everything just because I'm afraid you're right. No matter how hard you push me, I won't give in. So, I think you need to go. If you are my Whitney, know that I loved you very much, that a part of me will always love you. And I'm sorry."
She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to look at the grief she saw in his. "Please. It's time for you to go back to where you came from."
There was silence in the room for a long time before Lana dared open her eyes again. When she did, Whitney was gone and something deep inside her knew he wouldn't be back. She let herself collapse then, crying tears of mixed loss and relief until she tired herself out and fell into the first real sleep she'd had since Sunday night.
Once there she locked her door and closed her shades, not wanting any distractions from what she planned. She sat herself comfortably on her bed, trying to breathe deeply and relax as much as possible. Then she waited for Whitney.
It didn't take him long to arrive. He hadn't left her for any real length of time since he'd arrived on Monday. He opened his mouth to start in on her, but she put up her hand to stop him. "Please. I think it's time for you to listen to me."
He raised his eyebrows, but took a seat in the chair by the window and gestured for her to go ahead.
"I loved you, Whitney. Loved you for a very long time. And I've grieved your loss and what I felt was my part in it since you died. It's not surprising that you can't forgive me, because I've never been able to forgive myself." She looked down, trying to stay calm and focused. "But I can't let you do this to me anymore. It has to stop here. And you have to leave."
He smirked at her. "It isn't that easy, Lana."
She made a little face. "I think maybe it is. Maybe that's really all I have to do - decide that I won't let you torment me any more."
He stood up, coming closer to her. "I loved you, Lana, and you sent me to my death believing that you didn't care. I was careless because all I could think about was that I'd lost you. That's why I died."
She nodded, tears filling her eyes. "I know. But there's nothing I can do about it now except say that I'm sorry for whatever part I played in that and move on with my life. And I am sorry. I... should have found a way to handle it differently."
He switched tactics, sensing that he was losing ground. "It's not too late for us, Lana. You could still come with me. We could be together forever. You could be with your parents. Everything would be good again. The way it's supposed to be."
She shook her head. "No," she said simply. "My parents would never want me to do that. You would never have asked me to do this - not if you were really you. The Whitney who loved me wouldn't have wanted to follow him into death. Never. So whether you're not really him or him twisted or some other thing entirely, I don't know. But I do know that you have to leave now and go back to wherever you came from."
"They'll all leave you," he said desperately. "Don't think that anything will change. Everyone you love will die or leave you."
"Maybe they will," she said, her voice shaking. "And I'll have to keep finding a way to deal with the loss. But I'm going to deal with it through my life. Not through my death."
"You'll be alone forever," he warned, but he already looked almost transparent, as if he was fading away in front of her.
"Then I'll be alone forever." She put up a hand to push futilely at the tears that wouldn't stop falling. "Maybe I'll never have anyone who stays in my life, but I'm not going to give up on everything just because I'm afraid you're right. No matter how hard you push me, I won't give in. So, I think you need to go. If you are my Whitney, know that I loved you very much, that a part of me will always love you. And I'm sorry."
She closed her eyes tightly, not wanting to look at the grief she saw in his. "Please. It's time for you to go back to where you came from."
There was silence in the room for a long time before Lana dared open her eyes again. When she did, Whitney was gone and something deep inside her knew he wouldn't be back. She let herself collapse then, crying tears of mixed loss and relief until she tired herself out and fell into the first real sleep she'd had since Sunday night.