Third Floor Common Room, Monday Evening

[raspberryturk]

Ron was sitting in the living room of the third floor common room, abusing the remote control and trying to find something... anything to watch. However nothing seemed to really fit the bill.

Reno was bored. Bored bored bored. And there was a common room to be bored in, which was an awesome change of pace from being bored in his dorm room. Except for how Ron was there. Abusing the remote control. That could be problematic for the curing of his boredom.

"Yo, Ron, how 'bout you just stop hittin' the buttons and settle on somethin'," he suggested, leaning over the edge of the couch with a raised eyebrow.

"Shut your trap or I'll turn you back into an action figure," Ron snarked as he continued to change the channels with his patented keysmash technique.

"Yeah? You an' what toy manufacturer?" Reno scowled and made an angry snatch at the remote. He could justify it with the knock on his pride, there. Yes, indeed. Very good. "Gimmie that, Princess."

"Hey!" Ron shouted as he started a tug of war with the remote. "Leggo!"

"I ain't lettin' go. You're gonna wear out the battery usin' it like you are!" Batteries were a big deal. Reno wasn't in the mood to run off to replace them if Ron here killed them.

The remote slipped from Ron's hand which did not help matters. "Give that back!"

"Hell no," came Reno's smooth reply. "There are hot werewolf stalkers on channel one, yo. I'm plannin' on watchin' that, dammit."

Ron pulled out his wand and aimed it at Reno. "Give me the remote. Now."

Reno quirked an eyebrow. "You gotta deathwish, don't you? You know, I keep status items in my pockets just for when you're there actin' all like an idiot, an' shit." He flipped the channel. Oh, yeah. Perky werewolf stalkers. THAT was the way to watch television, right there.

Ron waved his wand in a particular gesture and a burst of energy shot out that hit the remote, bounced off in a myriad of directions and ricocheted around the room before then hitting Reno and then Ron and zapping them into the television set...

[Preplayed with isourking, OCD is up, feel free to come on in!]

Comments

On channel one....

[raspberryturk]

For the flipping through the channels, like channel-flipping things!

I'll post all of Ron and Reno's unfortunate televised scenes up under this thread, and you can feel free to react to them with your characters. If you'd like to be the one to grab the remote and hit the button, feel free, otherwise, we can handwave that someone (A squirrel? A Gremlin?) did so, like a handwavey thing.

Wendy the Werewolf Stalker!

[raspberryturk]

There they were. In the middle of a graveyard. In front of them two people were arguing.

Reno blinked. Reno stared at Ron. Reno narrowed his eyes.

"I hate you so freakin' much right now. You got no idea."

"Well if you had just let go of the bloody re-" Ron stopped and stared at the two people as it suddenly registered where they were.

Wendy stood in front of Seraph, her heart pounding as she tried to pull away from him.

"Look," Seraph growled. "Don't you understand? This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up."

Wendy looked directly into Seraph's eyes, weak with passion. "When you kiss me I want to die."

"Bloody hell," Ron groaned. "We're in the television. ... And I can't believe you watch this crap."

"You kiddin' me?" Reno rolled his eyes. "There's this hard sex scene in season... five, I think? Between Wendy and this bleach-blond werewolf. They bring the building down, yo."

Clearly, Reno had far different television tastes than Ron.

It was then that growling noises were heard and a pack of werewolves began to circle them.

Ron readied his wand and glared at Reno. "I so hate you for this. All of it."

"This was your spell," Reno pointed out, his hand twitching for his stun baton. Of course it wasn't there. Stupid no-weapons on campus rule. "I'm blamin' you." Maybe the old kickpunch would do him some good, here. It helped to be a fighter by trade, sometimes. Hopefully.

The first werewolf dove toward them. Reno helpfully kicked it in the face.

Apparently, werewolves did not like being kicked in the face.

"This is insane," Ron grumbled and pointed his wand at the charging werewolves. "Stupefy! Stupefy!"

Ron turned and looked around. "If someone out there is watching this? NOW WOULD BE A BLOODY GOOD TIME TO CHANGE THE CHANNEL!"

Wendy the Werewolf Stalker!

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Dōjima had been heading back to her room, taking the stairs when she could hear something...weird? from the third floor.

Sticking her head in the common room, somehow she was not surprised to see someone left the television running.

What was surprising was seeing Red and Wesley-kid in the television and yelling at each other. Well, not the yelling, but the being in the television part was unusual.

Going over to the fridge, Dōjima grabbed a soda before flopping down on the couch and picking up the remote. "Fine fine fine. God, Witch-boy, quit whining."

Re: Wendy the Werewolf Stalker!

[ella-obeys.livejournal.com]

Ella barely understood TV, and she looked confused as she came into the common room. "Reno and Ron are on this show!" she said in surprise, then, as the fight started, "...can't they get out?"

Paula Deen!

[raspberryturk]

And suddenly there was a kitchen and chubby woman with poofy hair stirring a pot. "Now I know y'all are wondering what the secret to this dish is," Paula Deen drawled, grinning at the camera. "Well I'll tell ya. It's a pound of butter."

"Good lord woman," Ron said looking over her shoulder. "A pound? That's obscene!"

"But it's food," Reno offered. Oh so helpfully. And then paused for further consideration. "Uh. I think?"

"Why look everyone! We have guests!" Paula declared with a loud braying laugh. "And look at this guy's hair. Believe it or not I used to have this color when I accidentally mixed a bunch of hair dye together? And then added a pound of butter."

"Always wondered how you got that hair color mate," Ron snarked.

"It's natural," Reno protested, balling his hands into fists. Either he was going to punch the cook, or he was going to punch the guy he was stuck in the television set with, so now would be an awesome time for a channel swap...

Re: Paula Deen!

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

Dōjima might have had her phone out. In theory, so she could make a telephone call (http://the-merriest.livejournal.com/722.html?thread=1778642#t1778642) quickly.

She might also be using it to take video of all this.

Still, she opted to change the channel before Reno opted to take that pound of butter and shove it down Ron's throat.

Re: Paula Deen!

[ella-obeys.livejournal.com]

Ella was getting even more confused.

She also was thinking a snack sounded good.

Jerry Springer!

[raspberryturk]

... A channel swap into Jerry Springer. Where there were chairs flying and a great deal of censor beeps resounding through the set.

Reno considered this change of scenery for a moment, and then delivered a punch to the face of the nearest person who was holding a chair too close for comfort.

"Okay. I feel better," he decided.

"You would!" Ron shouted as he ducked to avoid being hit from a flying chair.

"If you're just joining us," Jerry Springer shouted above all the racket, "Our topic today is "I lost my lover due to the internet roleplaying games". For a bunch of geeks they seem to have some decent upper body strength."

"What the bloody hell is the internet?" Ron shouted to Reno as he stupefied a body guard coming at him and narrowly avoiding getting smacked by a smelly person with a pocket protector.

"I use it for porn," Reno supplied helpfully, dodging a chair and making his way across the room to kick the unbathed geek who had tried to smack Ron. As much as he hated to admit it, they were stuck in the television together, and Ron and that stupid stick of his might be their only way out.

"I really didn't need that visual image," Ron snarked before he was interrupted by another geek dressed in a robe, a fake beard, and pointing a rubber sword at Ron head.

"YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" the geek yelled, waving the sword.

"Pertrificus Totalus!" Ron shouted, casting the spell in annoyed tone and the geek fell to the ground completely stiff and petrified.

Reno pinched the bridge of his nose and winced. "I think that one was pretty harmless, Princess. Stupid, yes. But harmless, yo." He deftly smacked an angry girlfriend over the head as she tried to bash the fake-wizard who was petrified on the floor with his own keyboard.

"I'll pass anywhere I bloody well please," Ron grunted. "Now if there's anyone out there right now, CHANGE THE BLOODY CHANNEL!"

Re: Jerry Springer!

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

This was fantastic. Dōjima decided that clearly, popcorn was needed, and got up to make some as the boys fought the geeks.

She wasn't quite sure which side was winning.

It was with a disappointed whine that she changed the channel, although perhaps not as quickly as she could have.

<s>Meta For</s> Land of the Lost!

[raspberryturk]

The dinosaur roared at the pair as it raced toward them in all its miniature scale glory.

"You've got to kidding me," Ron said as he stared at the lizard in shock.

A small furry child seemed to be having a fit at Ron and Reno. "Run! Chaka Chuka say Run! Run!"

Reno was making that 'oh poopie' face of his. The one where he stared upward and made an 'o' with his mouth before turning and running like hell. He thought it very fortunate that he was a fast runner.

"Weapons! I could use some weapons, here, yo!!" A stun baton, a gun, a pointy stick, anything!

Just then a bunch of green skinned humanoids with giant black eyes came out of the woods in front of them hissing like crazy.

"Chuka say run other way!" The hairy boy shouted. "Run! Run! Run!"

"Channel!" Ron yelled running after the boy. "Channel! Channel! Channel! Channel!"

Re: <s>Meta For</s> Land of the Lost!

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

"If you get eaten, I am not explaining it to the principal," Dōjima snarked, shaking the remote before changing the channel. "How the heck did you guys get in there, anyway?"

"Can you even hear me??"

Re: <s>Meta For</s> Land of the Lost!

[ella-obeys.livejournal.com]

Nope, Ella still didn't quite understand what was going on. "RUN!" she shouted at the TV.

Iron Chef!

[raspberryturk]

A hush fell over the crowd as the lights all focussed on the table in front of the chairman. The one who was holding a yellow pepper rather imperially.

He spoke something, in Japanese.

Fortunately, there were subtitles.

"Today's ingredient on Iron Chef will be..." And then, the big reveal! "The Nametake Mushroom!"

Reno stared at the heap of -erm- slightly phallic mushrooms, and then raised an eyebrow at Ron.

"And you thought that the butter was obscene, yo."

Ron stared at mushrooms. "Those things look like giant-"

"Allez Cuisine!"

And then Ron had to dive out of the way to avoid being trampled by a bunch of Japanese chefs.

"What kind of TV Show is this?" Ron grumbled as he pulled himself off the floor.

Reno made a somewhat startled yelp of surprise as one of the cooks grabbed his arm and attempted to slap a hairnet onto him.

"Looks like some kinda hardcore Wutai battle cookin' show to me," he replied, eying heaps of squid and bowls of rice and row upon row of cooking surfaces. "We should be happy we ain't in one of their gameshows, yo. They're freakin' cruel." He was then instructed to chop onions. In English. Because the subtitles were now traded in for a bad dub. "Though, at the moment, I think I'd take that kinda humiliation over this, zoto. I still blame you."

"What? Me?" Ron shouted indignantly as one of the chefs tried to force a smock on him and told him to trim a pork tenderloin. "You're the one who tried to take the remote away."

"You pulled out the freakin' wand," Reno snarled, and the tears coming to his eyes were from the onions and he'd kill anyone who suggested otherwise. Freaking onions. "Damn thing's a weapon when you use it that way, dumbass. You don't see me throwin' punches at you every time you do somethin' I don't like."

Ron would have a lot of bruises if that was the case. Possibly, he would not be moving anymore.

Ron's response was to chuck the pork tenderloin at Reno's head. This was not going to end well. "Bite me!"

After receiving a solid, meaty clonk to the head, Reno's response was, of course, to hurl the entire onion right back. "I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna wait until we're in some kinda war documentary, and I'm gonna hunt down a freakin' tank, and I'm gonna tie you up and run you over..."

One of the cooks set down a raw squid on the counter by Reno. His response was, of course, to hurl that at Ron as well.

And that would be when the Chairman started swearing in Japanese and grabbing one of the prop swords to chase the two new sous chefs off the stage.

"Channel!" Ron screamed. "Change the bloody channel!"

Re: Iron Chef!

[dojima-hime.livejournal.com]

"Ooooo...I like this show!" she squealed, settling in to watch happily. "Don't screw it up."

Right.

About the time Ron started throwing meat, Dōjima was already swearing quietly in Japanese, coming up with a number of ways to kill both of them for managing to ruin Iron Chef.

"Good," she snarled, punching the button. "Get out of there and quit ruining the food. Heathens."

Re: Iron Chef!

[intraspective]

Ino had, really, just been heading upstairs when she heard the noise and had to investigate.

"...they're in the TV," she said blankly, eyeing the screen with wide eyes.

Re: Iron Chef!

[the_merriest]

"I don't want to know," Rikku announced. "I don't even care whose fault it was. You two freaking deserve each other. Look at all the food you're ruining. What the --"

Who Turned it to THAT channel?!

[raspberryturk]

And now Ron was in bed. Naked under the covers. "What the bloody hell is this?"

Reno was also in bed. Naked under the covers. He narrowed his eyes, listening for a moment. Listening to the bad music.

....

"Gay porn, zoto."

....

"CHANGE THE CHANNEL! CHANGE THE CHANNEL!"

Sesame Street!

[raspberryturk]

There was no nudity. There was no horrid porn soundtrack and there were no bedsheets.

There was, however, a very large, yellow bird, who was attempting to mash the entire alphabet into one word via a catchy children's song.

"Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz! It's the most remarkable word I've ever seeeen!"

"Please tell me that the chocobo is singing? Because if you're seein' this, too, then I ain't goin' nuts," Reno decided.

Ron wasn't listening to Reno. He was too busy having an argument with... something green.

"How would you like it if I threw trash into your bedroom," The green thing growled.

"It's a bloody trash can!" Ron snapped back. "How was I supposed to know you lived there?!"

"Everyone knows I live here!"

"Well I didn't!" Ron flailed.

Reno glanced over at Ron and the... fuzzy green trash thing. It reminded him oddly of that weird green felt frogchild that had been at the school back in the spring. Only... bitchy.

"He threw it in there on purpose," Reno said, grinning smugly. "Tryin' to see if he could hit you with it. You oughta throw it back at 'im, yo. That'll show him right for invadin' your private space."

Ron scowled at Reno. "If we ever get back I'm going to-"

Ron was interrupted by a tin can bouncing off his head. "Now cut that out!"

Reno grinned and picked up the tin can, weighing it in his hand for a moment before lobbing it at Ron's head as well.

"Check it out. Teamwork, yo."

A passing group of fuzzy, multicolored monsters noticed the action. Apparently, 'Teamwork' was the magic word, because in a chorus of "Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay," they all joined in on the action.

Tin cans everywhere.

The green thing in the trash can seemed clearly pleased.

"Channel!" Ron yelped as he was pelted with cans. "Turn the channel!"

Galaxy Quest!

[raspberryturk]

Ron looked around at the new setting, a might bit confused. "What the heck is this place?"

"We made it sir!" a small African American boy said at what appeared to be a flight console.

"By Grabthar's hammer, we live to tell the tale," a man with a strange looking head said.

A voice coming from the speakers came online. "All systems register functional."

A blonde woman with a lot of cleavage smiled happily. "All systems are working, Commander."

Reno grinned and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Yes they are," he agreed. The blonde's cleavage seemed to be very functional, indeed.

Ron attempted to smack Reno's head. "Don't you have a girlfriend?"

The commander watched the viewscreen with suspicion. "I don't like it. It was too easy... Look for ambient energy fields."

"All normal sir... The entire spectrum. Wait... Oh no!"

"That doesn't sound good," Ron muttered.

"They're everywhere," the kid at the controls shouted. "There are time knots opening everywhere!"

"IMPACT NOW Commander!" said the man with the funny looking head.

There was an explosion, which shook the whole ship. Reno staggered a few steps, and then turned to look at the ... screen. Thingy.

"A trap," the busty blonde announced.

"No shit!" Reno agreed. "So blow 'em up or somethin'!" Blowing things up was an excellent way of offsetting traps, Reno had always figured.

Words started getting tossed around the bridge. Words like "Plasma Armor", "Structural Failure", "Core Meltdown inevitable" and then "Surrender may be our only option..."

"No!" The commander said launching himself to his feet. "Never give up! Never surrender!"

"That doesn't sound good," Ron said feebly. "Not at all."

"I would like," Reno groaned, "for someone to wait for the freakin' season boxed set to see how this turns out, because core meltdown IS NEVER A GOOD FREAKIN' THING TO GET STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF!!!"

He was very adamant on this point.

The Commander didn't seem to pay any attention to Reno and gazed at his crewmembers in a dramatic fashion. "Activate the Omega 13."

"Somebody activate the bloody remote!" Ron shouted.

Adolescent Genetically-Modified Samurai Swamp Rats

[raspberryturk]

They were in a sewer. They were in a nasty, sludge-dripping sewer with four large, humanoid animals kicking ass and taking names nearby.

In the background, the opening theme song was playing merrily.

"Adolescent Genetically-Modified Samurai Swamp Rats~"

Reno was pinching the bridge of his nose and gritting his teeth. Being up to his knees in sewage made the fact that there were mutant swamp rats into a bit of a moot point, really.

"I blame you more, Ron."

"Not. My. Fault." Ron growled. "Oh... hey they got pizza."

Reno stared at Ron as though, perhaps, he'd gone out of his mind.

"We're in a disgustin' freakin' sewer up to our knees in human shit," he stated, "and you actually want some of that pizza?" ... This required a moment of consideration. "Snag me a slice of pepperoni while you're at it, man."

Ron reached for the box and opened the lid. "Watch out. Flying ninja type person."

Reno ducked. The samurai rat-thing sailed harmlessly overhead. Except for that moment where he thumped Reno in the shoulder. The duck turned into more of a swan-dive, really.

Into the sewage.

Sputtering and very, very cranky, Reno turned to look at the Audience At Home. Now was as good a time as any to break the fourth wall.

"Change. The. Damn. Channel."

Dirty Jobs!

[raspberryturk]

"Hi there," said the tall man wearing a ball cap and a hazmat suit. "My name is Mike Rowe and today we're going to take a look at what it takes to work at a fat rendering plant. Today with us is... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."

Ron glared at the man. "It's Ron. And I have no bloody idea what you're talking about."

Fat rendering was only a slight improvement on raw sewage. Slightly.

"Name's Reno. And don't mind Ron here. He was tellin' me before we got here how much he was lookin' forward to doin' this." Reno's grin was an evil grin.

"I'm not doing anything that involves rendering," Ron grunted. "I'm not looking forward to doing anything here."

"Well as you can see this job is so disgusting," Mike said looking at the camera. "Not even the employees want to do it."

"I don't bloody work here!"

"He's been here for years," Reno lied. Reno was good at lying when it meant someone was going to wind up buried to the elbows in lard. "I mean, he doesn't do much work, lazy [[Censor Beep!]], but he knows what he's doin'. Ain't that right, Ron?"

Yes. Yes, Reno was still irked about Ron getting them into this mess in the first place.

"Well it's my understanding that the slightly man-sized valve that removes the impurities from the animal fat is clogged and needs cleaning," Mike said in a mixture of joy and impending doom. "So congratulations Ron! You get to help me out!"

Ron gave Mike a look of horror and went for his wand and pointed it a Reno. "You're the one going into that vat you little menace!"

Reno just stuck out his tongue.

"I'm biggern' you. In you go, yo!" And if ever there was a time when Reno's smile could be described as 'acidic,' this was that very time. "And Ron, don't forget to roll up your sleeves."

What happened next was string of curses so foul that it was long one censor beep with the only words being left out were "Merlin's", "Saggy Left" and a word starting with the letter "T".

This was then followed by Ron attempting to leap on top of Reno to pummel him.

"Well it seems that our friends are currently fighting over who gets to work with me," Mike said addressing the camera. "I'm not sure whether I should be flattered or scared."

...

"Probably scared."

Definitely scared.

If Reno was at all upset by the attempt on his life, he certainly wasn't showing it. Hell, he was laughing. It had been too damn long since he'd been in a good fight. Even if... Well. If it had to be Ron that he was going to beat up, then so be it. He wound up, hands balled into fists, and-

And really, now would be an awesome time for someone to just hit eject before someone winds up hurt.

[We've already got someone in mind for hitting the eject button, so please let her do her thing, but feel free to react to the insane in the meantime, if you wish.]

The Aftermath!

[raspberryturk]

Oh, look! No longer in the television set! Reno wasn't going to allow this fact to deter him from plotting Ron's untimely demise, however.

So far, his master plan involved pain. Lots of pain. And possibly a ferret. he hadn't decided yet.

For those of you who want to wander in after the televised insanity and just hang out. Or for those of you who caught it all and want to give Ron and Reno a hard time.

Re: The Aftermath!

[isourking.livejournal.com]

Ron glared at Reno and grunted. "It's not like I planned this!"

OOC!

[raspberryturk]

I really, really hope someone thought to record all of that. Blackmail is a beautiful thing.

Also, kudos to the sparkly magic of Fandom for keeping the TV working despite the jump back through time. :D

Re: OOC!

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

*ded*