the roof - tuesday evening - 10/6

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

Usually, Liir made a point of doing this sort of thing in private.

For one, he wasn't much for spreading around how he felt or making others tolerate him when he was in a less than cheerful mood. For another, Makejoy was usually a rather good cure for any unpleasant emotions; it was nearly impossible to feel melancholy for any length of time when you were constantly being pounced to the bed and licked all about the face. Lastly, there was the sky, which was one of the few places where he could really be alone unless someone else happened to be flying.

Today, however, he was on the roof. And, to be utterly frank, he was doing something that looked very much like moping even if he'd insist he wasn't. After all, hadn't he done this already? He'd done it twice, in fact, which was more mourning than Elphaba Thropp really needed, if you asked Liir.

That didn't mean that he wasn't on the roof, fingers ticking through the brush and flowers of his broom, staring out at nothing at all. It just meant that he'd probably blush furiously when and if he was interrupted in doing so.

[open to the sky and to pinging!]

Comments

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan actually headed up to the roof looking for Raven to check in with her. But considering Liir was next on her list, she was glad enough to find him instead.

"Hey," she said. "How's it going?"

She could have talked to him in class, sure, but he seemed very intent on his activities and she suspected it might be a subject best not discussed in such a public place.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

Some people did yoga. Some people went to Fight Club. Liir... cooked.

For the moment, he covered his pain in a strangely cathartic way, blushed a little, and smiled at Joan. It was about as genuine as the theory that the moon is made of green cheese, but he was trying.

"I'm well enough. Yourself? I'm sorry I've been a bit absent."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"You don't need to apologize," she said. "You had a, uh, stressful weekend."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"No more or less stressful than anything else that happens on this island," he said briskly, standing up. Mostly to do something quick and physical.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan gave him an incredulous look. "You don't have to act like it didn't affect you."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"It shouldn't," he said shortly, "and now I just have to convince myself of that."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Are you kidding me?" she asked. "Why shouldn't it?"

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"Because nothing is different," he said, just a touch harshly. As if he was trying to convince himself more than anyone else.

"Nothing's changed. She was my mother before she came here and she's still my mother, dead as a doornail. I knew that. I found out over a year ago. Nothing even really happened."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan shook her head. "Okay, fine, I'm not going to push you to talk about it if you don't want to. But I think you're being an idiot."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"I'm usually an idiot," he answered with a snort.

"I probably should have warned you."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, you totally are," she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "I mean, all this time I've known you and hung out with you has made that oh-so-obvious."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"Obviously," he continued dryly, not bending an inch.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"You're lucky I'm not the physically violent type. Because I really kind of want to smack you upside the head right now."

Yes, Joan, that is helpful.

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"I've had worse," he said without much ado. The broom was slipped into it's holster on his hip.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

That made her frown. "Why do you insist on thinking the worst of yourself all the time?"

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"Because," he said with a small huff, looking up at her with green green eyes that had dark circles around them, "there's not much else to me. Certainly nothing to recommend me."

So matter of fact. He could have been saying the sky was blue and the grass was green. He wasn't trying to convince her of anything. He felt as if he didn't have to.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"You need therapy."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"Yes, thank you, Joan," he said with a snort. And then, perhaps because of this weekend, perhaps just because of what he'd gotten used to this weekend--

"I appreciate your informed opinion."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Joan sighed. "Okay, sorry, that was probably uncalled for. But, you know? I like you. I think I've made that clear. And I wouldn't like you if you didn't have any redeeming qualities. So when you put yourself down like that? You're putting down all the people who like you."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"And if I told you that I do nice things so that people will be nice to me?" he asked, stepping towards her, "or that I do them because I'm used to doing this kind of work? Or because I'm terrified that they'll ask me to leave sometime, any time, what would you say then?"

He didn't even look angry. He looked scared and tired and very much in pain. Even the friendliest of dogs will show teeth when cornered, and even those who thought well of him knew Liir wasn't the friendliest of dogs.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"I'd say that you really should think about talking to someone who can help you improve your self image," she said sincerely, her expression sad. "I am totally not the poster girl for excellent mental health thanks to my summer at crazy camp, but it makes me sad that you feel that way."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

He wanted Her here. He wanted her back so they could tear into each other, pull out the old scar tissue and let things heal properly. He wanted her here to bicker and quarrel and bitch at, someone to bellow at him, snarl. He didn't know what to do with this, just as he'd never known what to do when Karal did it to him.

Karal. Another one who was gone.

"As I said; why I don't speak of myself very often. I don't particularly like pity and I hate to think I'm bringing others down."

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"So not the point I was trying to make," Joan said, stepping closer to him, wondering if he would accept a hug. "If you want to talk, I'm willing to listen. If you want me to leave you alone, I can do that too."

[new-to-liirness.livejournal.com]

"What would I even say?"

Which wasn't a no.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

"Whatever you want."