fandomhighdorms | Behind the Dorms, Tuesday Afternoon

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Behind the Dorms, Tuesday Afternoon

"Okay, this week was supposed to be my turn to share a little something or other," Zack confessed, rubbing the back of his neck almost awkwardly as the reserves group gathered. "But I... Kinda got a little sidetracked, and so I'll have something figured out to teach next week. If anyone else has something that they'd like to share with the group, come see me, and we'll figure out a day, and try to round up what you'll need if you want to give the group some hands-on experience with your topic of choice."

He stood there a moment, kind of scuffing his heel against the ground.

"This week, we're going to try the same thing on a slightly smaller scale. We've all got expertise in different areas, right? I mean, there's no way we can all be professionals at the exact same thing. So I want you to pair off, and talk amongst yourselves about where your respective strengths and weaknesses lie. And then, over the course of the week, I want you and your partner to focus on teaching one another. Take those weaknesses, and work them out of your systems. Take your strengths, and see if your partner can use what you've learned in order to improve on their own, as well."

And another moment, kind of quiet, before he shrugged at the group.

"If anyone needs me for anything, I'll stick around after the meeting for a bit. I don't really have anywhere to be this afternoon."

[OCD ~~on the way~~ up!]

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"Believe me," she said dryly, "I am more than willing to stand 'round and listen to people when I actually care 'bout what they're saying."

"I know. It's just..." Zack chewed on his lip for a moment. "He wasn't undercover."

That would have been a nice, easy, clean explanation, and he could totally have handled something like that, really.

See, now Ino was going to wince.

"You fought?" she asked, eyes steady on his face.

Fighting explained more than just, like, seeing him or something.

"Not exactly." Zack gave his head a little shake. "It's... complicated. The deserter who took all the 2nds and 3rds with him a while back? He was Angeal's best friend, growing up."

"So Angeal joined his side?" she asked, pursing her lips. "What was his name? The friend?"

"Genesis," Zack replied, frowning. "Angeal.. didn't really join him, either. I don't think. I don't know."

It was all so damn confusing.

"He... did some things, though. That he can't take back. And." Shrug. "He ran off again, while I was distracted trying not to get eaten by a Bahamut."

...

...

Oh. Well. Ino's face shut down, almost imperceptibly, as she registered the name Genesis.

Genesis Copies made from SOLDIER members. Reno had told her and she knew she couldn't tell Zack. Not about what little she knew. Or about the fact that there were... other clones--Sephiroth, right?--or anything.

For the first time, Ino was glad that Zack wasn't at his best.

"I know what a Bahamut is," she said, pleased despite herself at that, but didn't let herself be distracted. "What can't he take back, Zack?"

Zack was going to nibble his lip right off if he kept chewing on it like this.

"He can't un-kill his mom."

Eyes, meet toes. Angeal's mother had been so... sad. So something. Zack had wanted so badly to fix everything, to bring Angeal back, to keep his promise to her. And he hadn't.

"No," she said evenly. "He can't."

Ino was going to bore a hole into him with her eyes if she kept staring at him.

"Why do you feel responsible?"

It was a guess, bore of a hundred little details observed.

Zack looked up a little, at that. Frowned. Shook his head. Shrugged. And so on.

"I had been trying to get back to her house in time to save her life," he said, after a moment. "Angeal beat me there."

What made it sting even more was that he hadn't been trying to save her from Angeal. He'd been trying to save her for Angeal's sake. And her own, of course.

Ino had several options, with that.

"Your mission," she said, picking her words with deceptive ease. "Was 'bout Angeal and Genesis in the first place? Else his mom had the world's worst luck if she needed her life saved and lost it instead."

Zack shrugged.

"The job was about Genesis. He's the one who took off with a bunch of the 2nds and 3rds, you know? And the Turks tracked him down to Banora, where he's been... Making copies of himself."

His guts were now doing flip-flops again. Awesome.

"By copying himself onto the SOLDIER members. Or something."

"Sounds like a nightmare," she said softly. "You knew those people, at least some of them."

Ino didn't say that she still thought the idea was rather scarily brilliant. She knew better than that. It was a nightmare.

Zack nodded faintly.

"I wouldn't know who is who, anymore," he mumbled. His boots had zippers, wasn't that awesome? He was going to inspect them some more. Very thoroughly. "They all have his face. And... no personality. No mind left. They... twitch, or they lunge for the kill. Like monsters."

Wow, that managed to hit a raw note, which stood out all the more because it was Zack who was saying it.

"Then be grateful that they died a while ago," Ino said, reaching out to rest one hand on his arm, if he'd let her. "And that the monsters you--you killed, weren't your friends anymore. Weren't nothing but monsters."

Zack wasn't going to ever, ever turn down a comforting hand, no.

But he did wince a little. Not at the touch, but at the words.

"Genesis... I guess he has the ability to copy his traits over to SOLDIER and monsters," he noted, carefully. Trying to sound... far more nonchalant than he actually managed. "So, you know, there's not really much of a difference in the two."

He'd been a monster before, in that other Fandom. He still got that same thrill of the hunt, of the battle and of the kill. He just managed to get through it with far less eating people involved.

"Why are SOLDIER monsters?" Ino asked.

Yes, she could have picked her way through a game of twenty million questions to get to the point but Zack, she thought, would rather it be quick. Because then he could ignore it again.

And now the puppy was going to open his mouth to attempt a reply.

And then shut it again.

And then open it again! Words? Words!

And then... Close it again. And shake his head.

"I have no idea," he admitted. "We're... not exactly normal. There's that treatment that we go through when we join, but I can't see how that would make us... You know."

Monsters. That.

"At home," she said, "in a different country, there was a massacre. People turned against those who were different, who had powers, 'cause they blamed those with powers for the wars that plagued their country. To those people, the people they killed were monsters--even if those people were nothing but housewives and farmers and had never fought a battle in their life."

"I can almost understand people thinking the ones who fight are monsters," Ino admitted. "Why not? Even if they were following orders, they fought and killed differently. But when the civilians got involved, those who'd done nothing but happen to be born with their blood different... who is the monster then?"

"If you're different," she said, "if you're a monster, then so am I. I've got powers that, if I talked 'bout them here, would and have had people here treat me like a monster. I'm not saying what you go through to change you makes you normal, but Zack--normal is a matter of perception."

"Do you think you're a monster?"

Zack was listening. Just because his eyes were still on the ground didn't mean he wasn't paying very, very careful attention to every word that she was saying. And when she was done talking, when she'd asked him that question, he even looked up.

"I don't know anymore," he mumbled. "It's not just about what I can do. It's what I do. Everything... goes different, when I'm fighting. It's more than just a thrill, Ino. It's what I'm made for."

"There are more types of fighters in the world than I could possibly list," she said, looking him in the eye for all that he was way taller than her. "But you know what two of the major groups are?"

"Fighters who'll fight to protect something, to defend something, who do the job 'cause it's a job and they have a reason to."

She studied him, raking in every nuance of his posture before continuing on. "Then there's the fighters who fight 'cause they can, 'cause they want to, 'cause it makes them feel alive and it's the only time the world feels solid and right and everything clicks."

"By employment, I'm the first. By nature, I'm the second--and I don't see that fighting for a living, enjoying it, needing it, wanting it so long as you're not killing indiscriminately is something that makes you a monster. What's wrong with being made for fighting? So what if you got a little help to make yourself better suited to it? It's still who you are."

Zack pursed his lips a little, thinking on her words, soaking them in. Making sense of them and trying to relate them to himself as best as possible.

"... When people kept falling asleep here, a while back, I was one of the ones who crossed over into a vampire's body," he noted, carefully, trying not to make this sound like too much of a tangent. "There was a thirst, in that body. A... kind of an itch, I guess. That would nag and pull and drive you insane if you didn't satisfy the bloodlust. And when you gave in, when you had your teeth buried in somebody's skin and you were drinking it..."

He shook his head. This was not an easy explanation to give, here.

"That was the closest to feeling alive that you could ever get. It wasn't just about the blood. It was about the power. The control over another life. You could just... pull a little more deeply, and take it all away in that moment." He shrugged. "When I'm fighting, it's almost like that all over again. I step into a fight, and there might be five, six, a dozen of them. And I laugh, because I'm stronger. I'll win. And maybe, if I feel like it, when they've gone down I'll go looking for more. Not because it's the job. Because I can."

One eyebrow smoothly arched up.

"Hey, Zack--I ever tell you what I can do? Power-wise, I mean."

Zack had kind of... worded himself half to death. So he was going to shake his head a bit, and keep his reply as monosyllabic as possible, now.

"No. I don't think so."

Really, Zack, it was one of those things you'd be likely to remember.

Ino stepped closer, totally invading his space, not quite touching but... It was in the hope that it'd keep the squirrels from picking up on it.

"Minds and bodies, Zack," Ino said, voice barely above a whisper. This was the wrong venue for this conversation but she was stuck with it. "I'm a possessor. People are like puppets, if I want them to be. Like toys."

She lowered her eyelashes, almost coy, more worried about what he'd say than flirtatious. "It's sick, yeah? I can take away free will. I can have people do whatever I want and they won't remember it after. And all of it? Because I can."

Behind the Dorms, Tuesday Afternoon

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NFB, please!

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