Roof, The Wee Hours, Late Thursday Night (post-radio)

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

It was one of those nights. The kind where Elena knew she wasn't going to find sleep, not without a fight for it. Some nights, she'd get a bottle, or find a warm body for a few hours' distraction.

Neither sounded all that appealing, tonight. So instead, she was on the roof with a pack of cigarettes. Watching the city lights on the mainland, across the water. Thinking. Trying not to think.

(open roof is open! post-radio, so do not worry about dropping this, squirrels)

Comments

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"It's fucking cold out," Elena said, raising an eyebrow. "Look, I'm not going to push you or anything. If you're not ready to talk, you don't have to be. But I don't think you can say with a straight face that you're all right."

[momslilassassin]

"Then neither are you," Ben said. "No one needs to smoke this badly."

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

The words hung in the air for a few moments before Elena stubbed her cigarette out on the concrete.

"You're right," she said. "I'm not up here to smoke. I'm up here because I can't sleep."

[momslilassassin]

"Nightmares," Ben said. "Stuff of what you did, what they did, or what could've gone differently?"

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

She needed her cigarette back. She needed a whole pack of cigarettes. A carton. A bottle of whiskey. Vodka. Paint thinner. Anything.

"Something ... happened," she said. "On a mission. It's the 'shit they did' category. It's fucking stupid. It's over. They're dead, I lived, end of story. But then some nights I ... can't sleep."

It felt fucking weak. She was unqualified for this job. Tseng didn't have nightmares about this kind of thing, did he?

[momslilassassin]

Ben leaned in a little closer. "And it feels a bit like they're still winning then, huh?"

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

Elena shuddered. "It feels like it's not over," she agreed. "Like they got some small piece of me and won't give it back."

[momslilassassin]

"How long ago did it happen?" he asked.

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"Last October," she said. "The one a little over a year ago, I mean, not this one just past. It was ... two of us, three of them. They needed intel we had. Information they absolutely couldn't get. I don't know how long they tried. Hours, maybe a day or two."

[momslilassassin]

Ben nodded. "No use interrogating someone if they know how much time has passed," he said quietly.

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"They weren't as good as they thought," she said, a touch of scorn in her voice. "Torture, they excelled at, but any idiot can manage that. Interrogation isn't a magic button where you cause enough pain and the answers just fall out."

[momslilassassin]

"Depends on the device," Ben murmured, looking out across the trees.

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

Elena shivered, glancing back at the boy again. The night air was cold, and she was going to pretend that was all it was.

"When?" she asked, softly.

[momslilassassin]

"Which time?" Ben replied wryly.

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

She laughed, although there wasn't any mirth to it.

"That's answer enough right there, isn't it?" she said. "Was it because of the assassinations?"

[momslilassassin]

"No," Ben said, shaking his head. "Well, one was for a failed attempt. The other was strictly for interrogatory purposes."

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"The classic push-and-pull," she said. "They want information; you know damn well what horrific things they'd do with it, and tell them to get fucked. It's like that stupid irresistible force, unmovable object problem, except after a while the irresistible force gets bored and slits your throat."

[momslilassassin]

"She couldn't have," Ben said quietly. "She watched me grow up."

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

And that fully deserved the three seconds of silence that it got.

"Your family doesn't do anything halfway, do they?"

[momslilassassin]

"Family friend," Ben clarified.

Working for family.

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

Elena shook her head. "The Company is fairly incestuous, but I'm pretty sure your extended clan beats us as eating our own. There's --"

... shit. Elena stopped abruptly and tried to replay if anything she had said might be disastrous.

"So ... how well do you know Zack Fair?" she asked, trying to sound at least moderately casual.

[momslilassassin]

"I've had a couple of conversations with him," Ben replied, "but we're not close or anything."

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"Okay," she said, nodding again. The color was coming back to her face. "What you said earlier, about family here that can't know things that you know -- that's Zack, for me. So if you were a good friend of his, I was going to kick myself for not being more careful."

Not that she imagined he'd run off the roof and retell any of this; it was more paranoia about an offhand comment here or there that the person wouldn't even know was dangerous, and -- well. He had timeline issues, himself, so he probably understood.

[momslilassassin]

"I'm not exactly the chatty type," Ben replied. Because she wouldn't have picked that up by now or something.

[findingelena.livejournal.com]

"I noticed," she said, with a quick flash of a smile. "What ended up happening, with your family-friend?"