Zombie Campfire [Friday Late Morning]

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Today was bound to be a shitty day for Effy.

Carried around enough issues as it was, without them suddenly sprouting up in luggage all over the fucking place. Really didn't want to be dealing with any of this. There was a reason she liked her denial.

Island didn't seem to care, though. Suitcase labeled with 'watched sibling get hit by a bus' as a giant reminder of one of the worst moments of her life was just the first thing to pop up. Just great. It got a blanket thrown over it in no time at all. That left her with an easily hidden 'beat someone with a rock' backpack to throw into a drawer, and kicking of a 'defective parenting' overnight bag under the bed in her alcove. Well, that and the hope that vacating to the campfire outside would help.

Which no, just had her glaring at the large box helpfully marked 'trust issues' which got dumped in the soon blazing campfire with no hesitation at all. At least out here any baggage that showed up could be disposed of immediately.

[[Open campfire, like they are!]]

Comments

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"What does it matter?" She just was. "Works for me."

Well, it helped her to avoid, anyway. Usually, no one bothered to question it.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"It matters because it's me that asked, not some fucking therapist," Alex pointed out. "It makes a difference."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Effy went quiet. Or quieter than usual, anyway, shrugging and looking away. "Why does there have to be a reason?" Naturally fucked up, that was her. Even as a kid, before the shit she remembered, always been something different. Wrong.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Most people don't just set out to destroy themselves unless there's a damn good reason." Or reasons and from her reaction, he was getting she probably had one or two or fifty. "Telling me there isn't?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Oh, it was definitely closer to the fifty mark, and her discomfort and all those bags might've answered that question for her. Which was a good thing, because she herself was saying nothing. Morbid as it might be, Effy didn't exactly plan on a long future and living with that in mind was all she was doing.

But not everyone wanted to hear depressing shit like that, so she kept it to herself.

"Not saying that," she replied finally. He had an uncanny knack for reading her lies. Why bother?

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"So, what are you saying?" Alex asked, deciding against pointing out that she wasn't saying much at all. She never said much at all. And he was pretty sure she'd point that out if he did go that route.

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"That its better left alone." Disturbing all that just meant her dealing with it all over again, and she was getting worse and worse at that as time went on. With some of the previous bags disintegration, there was enough space to roughly dump that bag full of mental problems in the middle.

"You gonna start sharing about all yours?" He smoked, and drank, and got into fights... She wasn't the only one with that problem here.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Alex flicked his cigarette away and glared at her, already feeling the edges of anger nipping at him.

"What the fuck do you want to know?" he wondered. "Something specific? Something broad? Or is this just because I showed some concern and you don't like that so let's flip it back to me?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine." Still holding on to that, yeah. "I don't need concern. I handle it." Not always well, but she always pulled it back eventually.

... Last time, with his help, admittedly. But with any luck, he'd forget to bring that up.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Don't need me at all then, do you?" he asked, shaking his head and resisting the urge to just laugh at all this.

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Just said I don't need concern," she pointed out, keeping her eyes on Alex. Of all people at the moment, she probably did need him. Admitting that, was another thing entirely.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"So, maybe I should just take a hike for awhile," Alex decided after a moment, sounding almost resigned. "Because I am concerned, I can't fucking it help but hey, you don't need it. Maybe it'll go away."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"You worry yesterday?" she asked. "Because nothing's changed. Only difference is you're seeing it lying around. Sure it'll be gone tomorrow." Still there, but buried again.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Did I worry yesterday? Are you really asking me that? Can you really think I hadn't after some of the shit that's gone down?" Alex asked, rubbing at his temple with the heel of his hand. "This is not a new thing, Effy. I don't admit to anyone else but yeah, I worry about you. I get concerned. I wonder if you're all right sometimes. It won't be gone tomorrow, don't fucking lie when we both know that."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Wont be gone, gone," Effy allowed. "But it won't be sitting there glaringly fucking obvious." It was gone enough to be an improvement. "So it's there? I'm still alright." For now, she was alright.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Whatever. This is a pointless fucking conversation," he said, finally letting the frustration get the best of him. "You do your thing. Keep acting like I'm just some random fuck."

That was probably a bit of a low blow but he wasn't always rational and all of his unburied issues plus trying to talk to her with his caring showing was making it hard for him to maintain his calm.

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Think you'd be getting any of this if you were just some random to me?" No, the answer was no. She'd have stalked off long ago to take her issues elsewhere. The fact she was just letting him see these was something in itself.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"I don't know, Effy, would I?" Alex shot back. "You keep telling me you're just fine and you're all right when you know that's not true and I'm pretty sure you know I can tell that's not true. I knew this shit was here before this day even started. I have seen you when you're pretty low. Why are you acting like this sort of thing from me is so foreign?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Can you blame me, not wanting you looking at me like I'm gonna crack at any moment?" So yeah, she'd keep telling everyone she was Just Fine Thanks. The more she said it, the more likely it was people would believe it and that she could put it to the back of her mind.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Oh come on, give me some fucking credit," Alex said, rolling his eyes. "I know that's hard for you what with thinking I'm gonna leave and thinking I'm gonna just go find someone else but come on. Have I ever looked at you like that? These issues of yours aren't new to me, Effy, and I haven't looked at you like that before. Tell me I'm wrong and that I have."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

He hadn't. Which didn't change that she hated the idea anyone might. Still. Effy shook her head. She couldn't, and wouldn't lie about that.

"You think I haven't been listening? Heard you when you say this isn't nothing to you. That you're not gonna fuck off. I know that."

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, but do you believe that?" Alex asked. "Knowing it and believing it? Two different things."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Effy nodded. Slowly, but she did. Everyone had their irrational thoughts, their boggling worries... Didn't mean she didn't believe what he told her.

Still didn't want anyone, Alex or otherwise, to feel like she needed concern. Better things to be pre-occupied with than fussing about her. The less attention on her problems, the better.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, but I'm getting the feeling you'd still rather be alone," Alex said, shaking his head and reaching to light another cigarette. "Right?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Probably better." For him. In the long run, people around her just wound up getting hurt anyway. "Less for everyone to get concerned about."