The Roof | Afternoon | Sunday | July 11

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

It felt like a day to get out of his room. Really, everyday felt like that but today more than others. He was getting that restless, walls closing in feeling that he tended to get every few months. It'd put him into a bad mood (though he hadn't gotten out of that from a few days ago) and made him snappy and irritable.

That, naturally, brought him to the roof and had him sprawled out on the edge of the roof, cigarette stuck between his lips, earbuds in his ears playing some raucously loud, and hand tucked underneath his head. It was warm and he'd probably get some sun but he wasn't one to burn. Benefit of coming from the Midwest where you either got sun or you moved.

At least he'd foregone walking along the ledge of the roof and probably causing a panic in a few people that didn't know him. He was being safe by contrast. Laying on the roof's ledge meant he'd have to roll over to fall instead of missing a step and falling. Completely safer.

[Roof's open. Summer is too long.]

Comments

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Yeah. You're wrong." Simple as that. And she was sure he'd try to argue that point, because, this was Alex, and being wrong was not something he'd take easily.

People gave a shit. She did. He knew it, and was just being fucking overdramatic today.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Being overdramatic was a talent and he hadn't done it in so long. He hadn't felt quite as he did in awhile though so he thought he had reason, at least.

"You think so?" he asked, looking at her a little more sharply. "I dunno, I'm starting to wonder. People can say they care all they want. I've been smacked in the face with how fucking much that's not true lately."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Effy huffed wry breath, glancing back at him. "Really." A brief shrug came out before she continued. "Hows that then?" Couldn't help but feel a part of that was getting aimed at her. Perhaps she was paranoid, but-- Whatever.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"How's what?" Alex asked, looking over at her now that he'd gotten himself a little worked up about things. Unfortunately for her, she was just getting caught in the crossfire of his stressed out anger.

"How's it been smacking in the face?" he asked once he figured out what the question was. "How much time do you have?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Sunday afternoon," she reminded him. "Fucking tonnes." And she was wasting it sniping back and forth with him. Great plan. "Well?"

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

Alex rolled his eyes at that and pushed himself into a sitting position because otherwise, he'd be tempted to roll over and show his back to her and that would mean...rolling off the roof.

"Wow, you really do sound interested," he said, catching onto that last word and shaking his head. "Am I bothering you with my mood or something?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"You're bitchy. I'm curious." On some level, because she did care, and did want to know what went through his head... And okay, yes, the bad attitude pricked her a little.

"Not in a sharing kind of mood?"

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"I'm not bitchy." Yes, he was and even he made a face at that blatant lie. "And really, you think you have room to talk about being bitchy? That's like your default state."

Maybe he was deflecting her questions a little. Maybe. He knew talking about his shit would only upset him and he was trying to fight that off.

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Not talking about me today." Not that she was going to deny the truth in that statement. He'd pushed at her to talk enough times that she felt she was allowed to do the same right back on occasion.

He was bitchy. No question.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"And you wanna talk about me instead?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow that. "Why? Satisfy your curiosity? Get your answers and then you can fuck off, feeling superior?"

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"That why you ask me everything you do?" If so, she should probably stop being quite as honest as she had been lately.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"No," he said, forcing that honesty out even if he wanted to snap and lie to her. "I ask you everything I do because I want to fucking annoy you."

Even so, that sentence sounded a lot less pissy than before. Considering it was a bold faced lie, it was probably good he'd eased off. Alex rubbed a spot over his eye and felt those telltale signs of stress building in his neck.

"My mom's sick," he said, not looking at her while he did. "Sicker. Whatever. I have to make all the fucking medical decisions because she can't. She doesn't even know who I am right now."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Well, there had to be something specific eating him, and prodding seemed to have brought up the source, just as she'd aimed. Occasionally, it needed to be done.

"Got someone looking after her?" she asked after a few moments to take that in. It was shit, but she wasn't one to offer platitudes at times like this.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"We don't have the money for that," Alex said, shaking his head. "So, you know, it's gonna be me making the decision to put my fucking mother in some psychiatric hospital that's got shitty funding and an even shittier reputation because she can't take care of herself right now and I'm here."

He shook his head and rubbed at his temple. "What the fuck ever. I'll do it if I have to and take the blame."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"You do what you have to." Even if it wasn't always nice, and definitely wasn't in this case. "Can't just leave her, do nothing." Even Effy, who wasn't really the caring sort, looked after her family when she had to.

"Shouldn't blame you for that." But he'd blame himself, if nothing else.

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Effy, the last time I talked to her, she asked for my fucking father," Alex said, still sounding disgusted and disdainful of the whole thing.

He reached down and pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket, already on his way to lighting it. "I don't need Hallmark words. They don't do shit."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Effy's lips twisted in a half-disguised reaction and she turned to watch him.

"No." There was no denying that. "And it is shit. But what can you do about that? Nothing." There wasn't much he could change. "Not trying to inspire positivity in you here."

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"What're you trying to do?" he asked, scowling at her and shaking his head. "You wanted to know what was pissing me off so bad. There you go."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Effy hitched her shoulders in a shrug, turning to lean back against the roof edge. "It's you. I wanted to know." Was that so difficult to understand?

She wasn't much of a comforter, but when it came to listening... That she could do. If he wanted to take it out snapping at her, she could also take that.

"And I think there's a part of you wanted it out too."

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"What, you think I wanted to talk about this?" Alex shook his head, showing what he thought of that statement. If there was any truth in what she said, he wasn't going to show it.

"It doesn't make a difference, anyway, talking about it," he said, almost snide. "Things are gonna fall to shit anyway. My mother will end up in the hospital, my brother and sister will end up forgetting about me, and I'll be alone like I always am. That's how it works."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

"Nice to know you've got your optimism." About as much as Effy herself had. So... yeah, not a huge amount at all. "It's very encouraging." Ah, sarcasm.

"Should bottle and sell it."

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Whatever," he said, rolling his eyes at her and turning his attention to his cigarette since she was just poking at his attitude and he was trying not to yell at her.

"If you're going to stand here and lecture me on shit you don't do, you can save your fucking breath," Alex said. "I'm not in the mood."

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Effy rolled her eyes right back at him. "I'm not going to lecture." Like she'd even be any good at that, what with her not liking to talk much at all. "I don't lecture."

"I'm just here. If you don't want me here, I'll go."

[fratboybitch.livejournal.com]

"Effy, I don't know what you want me to do. I told you what was wrong. I'm sorry, you can't say anything that's going to help me right now. No one can," he said, angrily flicking that cigarette over the roof and then slumping down until his head was in hands.

Maybe he'd just stay there for awhile, feeling like his head was going to explode and that he couldn't do any fucking thing right. He didn't want her to go but he had no idea what to do.

[pastmewrong.livejournal.com]

Nothing like this was going to get fixed overnight, or with a few stupid words. It just wasn't.

What he hadn't done, was tell her to fuck off and let him be. Sensible enough, today, to take that as a reason to reach out. That she could do. The touch of her fingers to his temple and trailing back behind his ear was about as much reassurance she could offer.