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The Roof [Monday, Very Early Morning]

After this weekend, was it really surprising that Effy still couldn’t sleep? It was better here, better not being so alone... But every time she closed her eyes it was still burning children, dead and deformed monsters, and maniacs wielding six foot long swords.

The roof was a sort of sanctuary for her. Quiet, open, free, and she slipped away from Alex, still wearing just the oversized t-shirt she’d been sleeping in, and came up to let the air clear her head. The thought of getting properly dressed for this barely crossed her mind.

She curled up on the edge of the roof, arms wrapped around her balled up form, shirt over her knees and toes just over the edge, and stared out across the island in an almost trance-like state.

[[Roof of angst and emo can be open ofc, but I’m on extreme work-related SP until this afternoon!]]

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"You couldn't wake me up or something?" Alex asked, keeping the threads of panic out of his voice even if they were swirling in his stomach. He'd managed to remember pants but a shirt was just too much trouble when his shoulder was still useless, swollen and ugly looking.

The clinic was still waiting, obviously. He was up there now, hair standing on end and looking tired but relieved. "Leave a note next time so I don't think the past week is repeating itself."

[I'll be hitting SP myself today ugh but yes]

Edited 2010-08-09 12:02 (UTC)

It took a second or two for his voice to register. That bit too deeply lost in her own thoughts. She turned her head to look back at him only to the end of his words.

"... Right." Still came across a little vague. Bad habit of being so self-reliant and insular, it sometimes just didn't occur to her other people might really care where she was. Might worry. His comment at least nudged that realisation home. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," he said, wandering slowly closer to her. He leaned a hip against the roof's ledge and looked over at her. For awhile, he didn't say anything, enjoying the silence. "Did you sleep at all?"

"Not much." But not much was more than the last couple nights had given her. Shouldn't be too picky. "Almost don't want to."

Last night she'd been so numb she hadn't really taken much in, but now he was out in the light and it was so obvious she couldn't stop herself reaching up to barely brush two fingers across the fringe of the bruising to his shoulder.

"You'll end up passing out," he advised, staying still while she prodded his shoulder. As long as he didn't move and she didn't push down, he was fine. It was the moving and the pressure that sent him wincing.

"A house collapsed on top of me and Emma," he explained without waiting for the question. "It was kind of heavy. It hurt."

And then there was that whole buried alive thing but details.

Effy's lips twisted, a hint of her dislike of that. Preferred him unsquashed, and would rather not think of what other potential outcomes could've been. Messed up shoulder was getting off lightly. "Hear that's not advised," she commented. There might normally have been a tone of dry teasing there, but she was far too tired for that today.

"Should get it checked."

"I should." He knew that but that didn't mean he was in any hurry. "It's separated. I've done it before. I'll deal with the pain until then. It wasn't high on my things to do for the weekend."

At least he hadn't been alone. He probably would have gone a little crazy if that had happened. Crazier. Those hallucinations were haunting him still. "You should come with me."

Effy nodded slowly, her eyes so far still on the bruising under her fingers rather than his face. Didn't mind sticking with him if he wanted that. Probably need dragging around to do something or she'd just sit and stew over everything in the least healthy way possible.

Unfortunately, her way of dealing with things was clamming the fuck up and letting her mind run with it. Might be okay if it actually worked.

"I guess asking if you wanna talk about it is out of the question," he said, not really meaning it but asking it nonetheless. He reached for her hand and moved it over his heart, letting her feel that instead. See, he was real and alive.

He could ask.

The answer was, clearly, 'fuck no', but Effy was aware of how well that did not go down with him. For a few moments she kept her fingers still, eventually tapping out a couple of the beats.

She paused, just to turn her hand over and expose the scratches on her forearm and examine those instead, dragging the finger down the length of one. "Dead thing fingernails," she said simply. Since he'd shared.

Baby steps to talking about it.

"Hm." He didn't say anything else, choosing instead to examine those scratches with his eyes. He didn't really want to know what that meant, what she'd dealt with because he didn't want to freak out more than he was.

"They still hurt?" he asked, looking back up at her. "You should have them wrapped."

Effy shrugged. "Bit sore," she answered. "Itchy." Being vague and distant really helped when clinging to her calm.

Clinic visits hadn't really been top of her agenda this weekend either. If she went with him, she imagined someone would hold her still and stick a bandage on, but it hadn't been something she thought it was necessary to go out of her way to do.

Alex stopped short of touching the scratches but he did ghost a few fingers over them, just giving the impression that he wanted to touch. They looked like they hurt at the time.

"I thought about you," he said instead. "Where I was, I thought about you. I hoped you were okay."

"I am," she said, the barest attempt of a smile twitching her lips. Well, she wasn't dead. 'Okay' could be fairly relative compared to the lies he bitched about when she told him she was 'all right'.

"Would've rather been with you." Silent Hill. The place kept you terrified, all of the time. Not that she knew what it had been where he'd gone. But she wasn't sure it would have mattered. Feeling safe, and being with him... kind of synonymous, these days. It would've been better.

"I would've rather you been with me too but I wouldn't have wanted either of us to be where we were," he said, reaching for the hand she'd had on his chest so he could kiss her fingers.

"And I don't think anyone's all right," he added in a quieter voice, "but I think we will be. I probably won't be carrying you anywhere for awhile but c'est la vie."

Somehow, she thought she'd live without being carried around. Might even be able to help once she pulled herself properly out of her own head. At least in getting him into a shirt or make sure he was not fucking straining himself trying to wash or something dumb like that.

"Really thought," she said, shaking her head with eyes still resolutely settled on his chest, "we weren't getting back from that." Almost resigned herself to it. The ease with which she'd slipped into that mindset bothered her a hell of a lot.

"Come here," he said, already reaching for her to bring her closer to him, bum arm or not. The benefit of not wearing a shirt on a fairly warm morning meant she'd able to feel warmth when she embrace her.

"It's all right," he said, soothing her a bit with quiet words and a hand on her back. "You did get back, though. You did. It's all right."

Effy leaned gratefully into him, turning his way and shifting her balled position into something that made actually getting close a little easier and closing her eyes and breathing.

Benefit of this position, even if he was probably well aware of how everything was getting to her, he couldn't see it, with her forehead pressed against his chest.

"You're only half dressed," he said, smartly veering away from asking what she was thinking or why she was so upset. That didn't need to come out now. Instead, he was going to try and make light of the situation so she didn't get too lost in her own head.

"Too bad that's not my shirt," he said murmured before kissing the top of her head. "That'd be pretty fucking hot, if it was. Then my shirt would smell like you."

Effy exhaled a short breath, and mumbled a "Next time," into his chest.

But she might actually do pantsless on purpose for that. Today was just-- Dressing and looking after herself seemed to go out the window when her mind was engaged elsewhere. For now, what he was doing had the desired effect, and after closing her eyes and taking a couple of steadying breaths she looked back up at him.

Felt stupid, really, missing him after three days. Not like her. Except obviously, it was. Sliding her hand up to his neck and stretching up to kiss him? That felt more like her. That was in her comfort zone. She could do that.

And he could respond to that. He could lean down and return that kiss, lightly, careful not to push anything despite the fact that touching her like that was as much a relief to him as it was a comfort to her. It was nice to feel her warm lips under his again.

She'd be comforted to know that he missed her after three days too. He'd forced himself not to show it though, not to talk about it but it'd eaten away at his gut with each passing hour.

He'd almost said as much. Or, that he'd thought of her. Which was still more than Effy'd given him. Still a failure at sharing her feelings, even if she had grown in many ways.

Curling her fingers against his neck, she lingered. This was part of her normality these days, and after the last few, she'd cling to that a little, yes.

Well, she wasn't fighting being around him and wasn't trying to sulk off to be alone so he'd take that as an indication that she'd missed him too. He could read non vocal cues pretty easily these days.

Still being careful of his arm and her scratches, he lingered too, lazily and languidly kissing her. He didn't often kiss for comfort but that didn't mean he didn't know how. He did and he was doing it here.

One of those things spending an extended amount of time with Effy taught you. If you didn't pick up on the subtler hints, you were likely to miss a good half of the conversation. It was a rare moment she actually said out loud exactly what she thought.

"Not exactly dressed either, are you?" she whispered, a breath away from his lips. This occurred to her to bring up now, yes, after several minutes pressed against him.

"I couldn't get a shirt on," he explained, smirking a little. "You don't like it when I'm half naked? Today, I even have a reason."

Lifting his shoulder was a fucking bitch right now and he'd been too impatient to look for a button up.

Effy shook her head - not true, no - and ducked briefly to kiss the spot her fingers had been not more than a few minutes ago.

"Can stay that way for now."

'I like you shirtless, thanks' in vague and cryptic.

"It's not like I'll catch a cold," he pointed out quietly, half smiling at her actions. "Too hot to do that. I'll see if I can't take some painkillers later and get a button up shirt on, at least. Wouldn't wanna flaunt myself."

That was a lie. He'd flaunt himself without being asked.

Effy huffed a short breath, and shook her head. "Right. You? Never." Bullshit. She might be a little out of it, but not enough to fall for that.

"Get you sympathy from all the girls."

"I'm sure they'd be oh so interested in the arm I can't use without immense pain," he said, snickering a bit. "That always drives the girls wild."

"Might be surprised," she said, eying that shoulder again briefly. "We're weird." Pretty sure she knew some girls who'd go all 'aww, poor guy' over something like that. Wasn't so sure Alex would put up with that shut for long, though.

"Yeah, I don't wanna be coddled by some girl who wants to play mommy," he said, making a face. "Now, playing doctor, that's different."

Effy honestly wouldn't be much good at either of those. But caught in the right mood, she would probably at least try that second one for him.

"Some things, never gonna change." Alex and his ability to always drag a conversation into the territory of sex, was one of those. Strangely comforting consistency there, at least.

"I'd rather do my brooding and self loathing in private," he said, shrugging. He knew those would come along with some nightmares and breakdowns about what he'd seen. "You think you'd still be here if I came up here, sulking and acting like my problems were worse than yours?"

[And here I thought Effy was just censoring herself! Turning over a new leaf!]

Edited 2010-08-10 18:25 (UTC)

"Probably." Hey, she was here first. This being Effy, she'd probably have had no qualms about telling him to fuck off if she really didn't want to deal with him.

But, it being him, she was likely to be slightly more tolerant than with anyone else, at least?

But, yeah, she was like him, and preferred to get her emo on alone. She could understand that.

"You wanna be alone right now?" Alex asked her, sounding tired but not upset.

Usually, the answer would be a resounding yes. Retreating into herself was her defense mechanism of choice when things were hard.

... Today? Today she shook her head, curling the hand on his chest into a fist.

At least with him around, she wasn't busy winding herself up into a worse state. Something else to concentrate on.

She'd come up here for the empty quiet, the early morning calm. But it hadn't really helped all that much. What had? "You're here."

"I am," he assured her with a quiet sigh and a tighter hold. "It bad inside your mind today? Worse?"

"It's--" Confusing, creepy... and deeply disturbing. But preoccupied with the horrors of Silent Hill, the sources of it got a little convoluted.

"Different," she settled on eventually. It wasn't right. "Like, catching conversation on the street. You know?" He probably didn't.

He didn't but he wasn't really going to ask her to explain. Instead, he rubbed her back and tangled his fingers in the ends of her hair. "Does it hurt at all?"

Effy shook her head watching some distant point over his shoulder.

"No one's talking to you," she continued quietly "--just... around you. But you listen anyway." As in life, so in her brain.

It might explain a little.

Alex nodded and reached a hand up to cradle the back of her head. He wasn't trying to coddle but he could still comfort. He had one arm, he wanted to use it for something worthwhile.

"A little out of control after the past few days?" he guessed. "Harder to wrangle?"

A couple more moments and Effy pulled herself back in somewhat, looking at him again. "Something like that." Where she might normally spend a lot of energy quashing anything, the last few days had drained and distracted and given her plenty of other things to repress. Control started to slip on one thing or another.

"I'm handling it."

No Effy, you're really not. The whole hazy and distant tone of the conversation probably said as much.

Yeah, the look on his face spoke to how much he believed that one. "Need me to do anything?"

Well, that was better than vocally arguing with her.

Yeah, and Effy... was either choosing to ignore, or just wasn't really paying attention to his look of disbelief.

"No," she assured him, a little more believably. At least, nothing more than he was already, and assumed he'd hold to.

"Thank you." For the offer, for caring, for... all that.

Alex disliked being helpless as much as the next person but he bit his tongue to keep from arguing. Instead, he nodded. "Gonna come back downstairs with me at some point? Get some more sleep?"

Well, she might try. Sleep was playing hard to get.

"Sure." But, she wasn't planning on going to class today, and trying to get some actual rest was probably a good idea. "Sure."

"You wanna just meet me back down there?" he asked quietly. "I'll leave the door open if you want some quiet time up here."

Effy nodded slowly. "I'll be down in a minute, okay?" Or a few minutes. But she'd find him eventually. He probably needed the break from her crazy, as much as anything else. Had enough to deal with, without adding that.

"Take your time," he said, stepping back from her carefully and holding his arm against his body. "I'll be there."

With that said, he nodded at her and headed back to his room.

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The Roof [Monday, Very Early Morning]

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