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Near the Bog of HOLYSHITWHATFUCKINGDIEDHERE, Tuesday Afternoon

George couldn't believe she was actually going to class -- the shitty one, because the one she liked had been canceled, and naturally, if she was going to have only one class cancel today, it couldn't be the shitty one. It had to be the one she liked.

Unfortunately, going to class meant crossing a weird-looking marsh. Bad enough by itself, except --

"Oh, I think I'm gonna puke," George announced. "That is the worst -- I can't even --"

George might go to class, if she could cross the bridge of the worst scent ever fucking invented.

"I HATE THIS ISLAND," she shouted, just in case anyone was listening.

(OPEN. I am so, so calling in a Sir Didymus for this, because I MUST. Anyone else who wants to bother the knight, or pester a cranky dead girl, JOIN US!)

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"Island?" As fate would have it, somebody was listening. A narrow snout pointed in the air and sniffed around for a moment. "What... Island?"

The owner of the narrow snout apparently couldn't smell the seawater over the holyshitwhatdiedhere smell.

Oh, great. A talking ... dog? Fox? Overgrown rat?

Was this one of those goblins people had been talking about? She had expected goblins to look scarier. If someone got kidnapped by this thing, then they probably deserved it.

"The one we're standing on, you stupid oh dear God it smells," George managed, shuddering violently. Maybe she was having a seizure. Maybe she could just die.

... scratch that one.

The fox-terrier, for that was what he was, titled his head to the side contemplatively at that, before shaking his head a little.

"I am not an 'Oh dear God it smells,' Fair Maiden," he clarified. "I am Sir Didymus, and the guardian of this bridge!"

He'd traded in the old model for this new and improved one!

Edited 2010-12-08 01:17 (UTC)

"You're guarding this dump?" George asked, staring at the -- freakish little rat-fox thing. "Why? Are you worried someone is going to steal some of the ... no seriously I think I'm gonna puke. Oh, that is foul."

"Dump?" Didymus, for only a moment, appeared to be somewhat perplexed by that notion. "I guard no dump, My Lady. I have taken a pledge, on my honour, to guard this bridge!"

At least he'd learned from the last time, and wasn't demanding that people get his permission before crossing. That could always get interesting.

"Are you... quite alright, My Lady?"

"Hang on," George said, because now she was leaning over and trying to find out if she really was going to puke. "I can taste it. Ugh. You know that taste when you're gonna puke but it's not coming out yet? Oh, that is so wrong."

A few deep breaths ... well. Didn't help, since she was still smelling the foul stench of makeitgoaway. But she could breathe into her sleeve and try to smell something that wasn't that.

Her sleeve smelled like she hadn't done laundry in a while.

Still an improvement.

"Sir Diddlepants," she said, "or whatever the fuck? Be really glad your nose is broken, right now."

"Broken!?" Oh, that was all but an indignant squawk. Thank you, George, for properly inspiring a sound that could damage eardrums. "I'll assure you, my nose is not broken!"

And to prove his point, Didymus inhaled, and deeply so.

So there.

Kurt gave the odd little man a strange look. "Hello! Are you new here?"

"Greetings!" said the quite self-important fox-terrier. "I am, yes. It's such a lovely bridge. I felt it needed a guardian. And I ... am just the gentleman for the job."

He offered Kurt a sweeping bow.

Kurt returned the sweeping bow with one of his own -- a little wobbly, due to his lack of sleep and food, but a grand one nonetheless.

"Well, good. Between you and the smell, I'm sure the bridge is well-guarded. You didn't happen to see a bunch of people getting kidnapped, did you?"

Sir Didymus was hurt, Kurt. Hurt by the implications of that.

"I assure you," he said grandly, "that had I seen anyone being abducted, Ambrosius and I would have rescued them. And what smell do you speak of, sir?"

"You can't smell that?!?" Kurt asked. "Lucky you!"

"I have the keenest nose of any for miles and miles," Sir Didymus sniffed. "I resent your implication, that my olfactory senses have failed me."

He inhaled, deeply, and shook his head. "I smell the fresh, sweet air of a winter day."

"Ohmygosh!" Ariel was going to go explore, against probably any common sense, but she really didn't get very far before she was staggering, trying not to gag. "What is this?"

It was even smellier than...well, a lot of the places under the sea could really reek, but they had nothing on whatever this was.

Sir Didymus was a bit surprised, at the basic knowledge that these young people who trounced upon his bridge seemed to lack.

He drew himself up and bowed, properly, deciding that chivalry was the best course of action. As it always was.

"This, dear Lady, is a bridge," he said. "And I, its guardian."

"No, not that," Ariel said, though her words were a little funny due to her pinching her nose shut. Not that it was helping; you could even taste it. "I know what a bridge is. I mean this swamp! It wasn't here before, and what's that awful smell?"

"Smell?" Sir Didymus frowned as lifted his muzzle into the air. He sniffed a few times, keenly trying to discover the source of the girl's discomfort. "I detect nothing but the crisp air of a winter's afternoon, My Lady."

Ariel's brows lifted, her eyes imploring the little fox guy with surprise and a lot of envy. "You don't smell that? It smells like...like..."

She didn't even have words. All she could do was let out a groan as another wave of it hit her square in the face and turned her as green as her fin.

"Ohmygosh..."

Oh, dear, it seemed she too was taking ill. Sir Didymus simply felt awful that there was some strange affliction, striking the young people who attempted to cross his bridge.

"Fair Maiden, I assure you, my nose is far keener than most. And I can find no scent today which is unpleasant. Are you sure that you are well?"

"Keener?" asked Ariel. Maybe, just maybe, his nose was so keen it was able to rise above the horrible stench, and that's what made it better. She'd never get this smell out of her clearly inferior nose. "You're really, really lucky then, because this is intense. I think I had some bad peaches in the cafeteria yesterday, but those were nothing compared to this, I'm telling you."

"I'm quite fond of peaches myself," Sir Didymus said. "Forgive me, we have not been formally introduced. I ... am Sir Didymus. Guardian of this bridge. And you, Fair Lady, may I be so honored as to receive your name?"

"I'm Ariel!" Even with the terrible smell, she had to smile and bob her head in a nod as she offered her name back. He was such a cute little fox, it was hard not to. "I go to the school here; we didn't have the bridge before. Are you planning on staying?"

Hopefully without that ripe aroma...

Sir Didymus drew himself up. "Of course," he said. "I will stay here so long as there is a bridge to guard, My Lady. I should be a very poor bridge-guardian if I left."

He glanced over her shoulder, and then over his own. "Though I confess, I know not which 'school' you speak of."

"Right there," Ariel said, pointing, although, to be honest, with how much everything had been changing, she wasn't feeling so sure herself. "In the castle. But things have been changing a lot these last few days. Just yesterday, there wasn't even a bridge here to be guarded. But, look at you, you're so good at it that you're right here with it even if it did show up so suddenly."

"I saw the opportunity and I grasped it," Sir Didymus confessed. "It's a lovely bridge, and with no guardian whatsoever! It was simply crying out for my assistance."

He followed the direction of her pointing. "Am I to understand, Lady Ariel," he said, "that you attend school in a castle? Art thou royalty?"

"I am!" Ariel offered brightly, since the conversation at least made an attempt to get her to forget about the smell. It was sort of the whole maybe if she ignored it, it would just go away...

"But there are other students who come here who aren't royalty. Maybe, a long, long time ago, that's how it was, but the school welcomes anyone. We don't have any foxes, though, at the moment. Maybe you could come take classes, too!"

It was her opinion that there could be more kind, talking animals in this joint, really.

Sir Didymus tut-tutted at his new friend.

"I have no need of further schooling, Lady Ariel," he said. "Though I suppose a bridge near a school would be quite a popular location. Such a bridge might need a great deal of guarding."

"Especially around here," Ariel noted. "Though, really, when things start to go a little strange like this, it's one of the safest places to be. Even more so now, I bet, since you're helping guard the bridge."

"I had noticed no strangeness, My Lady," Sir Didymus said. "Though I do promise you safe passage, should you wish to cross the bridge."

To be fair, the labyrinth was always strange. So strange had become normality.

Kurt wasn't entirely sure how he'd ended up in this stinky swamp, but he'd been walking constantly for over a day now, and this was the first thing he'd seen that wasn't a stone corridor. And there were people here. People who might know the way out of the maze! He hadn't even slept yet, because anytime he stopped walking he could hear something start snickering.

"Gott sei Dank! Please tell me you are real!!!"

George was going to stare.

"I ... think I am?" she said. "I was, last time I ... motherfuck."

One moment, please, while George gagged and tried not to throw up.

"If I weren't real it wouldn't stink so bad," she said.

"I don't know," Kurt countered. "I think I am going to be smelling this in my dreams." At least his years of nausea-inducing travel through fire and brimstone had left him with a cast-iron stomach. No throwing up here, just wrinkling his nose and coughing.

"Thank goodness I've found someone!!! Do you know the way out of here?!?" Preferably to the cafeteria. He hadn't eaten in over a day, either.

"We're ... just at the school," George said, wondering what the fuck was wrong with the blue guy. At least he could smell the nasty smell. So she wasn't crazy.

Not that George had been worried that she was crazy, to be honest.

"You got lost?" she asked. "Are you one of those people that's missing?"

"At the school? Are you sure?!?!" Kurt sighed in relief. "No, I'm not one of the kidnapped people, but I went looking for them. There's a maze out there!!!"

"There is?" George asked. Wow, that was possibly the best excuse ever, for cutting class. Possibly getting sucked into a dimensional rift and wandering in a maze with some blue kid? Not worth it.

"Okay," she said, "let's get you ... out of here. Somewhere that doesn't have a maze that eats people."

Did that count as a rescue? She felt like it did. The slacker equivalent.

Kurt gave her a big grin and two thumbs up. "I am all about that!!!"

Then he looked over his shoulder nervously. "The maze makes things all... wonky." That was a technical term. "I don't think anyone should be out in it."

"Especially not for class," George said, offering him an arm. He looked a little woozy, and more importantly, this way they couldn't get separated on the walk back to the dorms.

Which was hardly a walk, but the guy had been stuck in a maze for a while, so maybe it would end up being one.

"I've cut for worse reasons," she said conversationally. "You probably need food."

"Yes, food!!!" Kurt agreed. "Food, and not being lost!!!" He took her arm -- hopefully, she knew the way, because he still had no idea where he was.

"...You know, for some reason, I could really go for a peach kuchen."

"I heard the peaches went bad," George said with a shrug. "I don't know. I didn't try any, myself."

Kurt considered that. "...Then maybe something with apples," he decided.

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