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Main Campfire | Afternoon | Tuesday | June 7

Nathan wasn't sure how he felt about all this cabin shit. On the one hand, it was a bed and after sleeping on the floor in a community center for months, beds were always good. On the other, there was like no fucking privacy. There was less privacy than in the regular dorm rooms and those were pretty damn open and exposed.

Nathan sighed and lit a cigarette. He wondered if sitting around a campfire meant he was supposed to sing campfire songs or if he was supposed to join hands with someone and meditate. He'd never gone to camp as a kid and was kind of really glad for that. No one was going to get him into too short puke green shorts and no one was going to get him to sleep in the bottom bunk under some smelly kid named Clive.

Nathan gingerly touched his broken nose and the bruising under his eyes before grimacing and pulling his hand away. Kate was damn lucky she'd run away because Nathan had planned on...glaring intently at her. He didn't know. He just knew he owed her something for making his face look like it did.

With a groan, Nathan leaned back against one of the logs and blew out a few smoke circles. Cabins did make it easier for him to seem like a courteous guy with his smoking, at least. Maybe he'd get a reputation as a nice guy.

Yeah, right.

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Topher hated the cabins. In an attempt to escape the apparently boy-band-themed one that he was assigned to, he took one of his laptops out to the campfire and decided to lurk there.

"Oh, hey, man," he said upon encountering Nathan.

And he promptly took his laptop several logs away and sat down there. Not that he had anything against the smoking. He just didn't want any of the ash finding its way to the computer.

Maybe outside wasn't the best place for him.

Yeah, Nathan was just gonna give that laptop and then the owner of the laptop a look. He snorted and shook his head. "Don't nerds belong in libraries? Isn't that your natural habitat?"

Yes, that was hello in some language.

Topher feigned shock. "You mean this isn't the library? Crap, I must be lost. Must've been all the mining that confused me."

"The change in scenery can confuse the slow," Nathan said, taking Topher's sarcasm literally before puffing a few more times on his cigarette. "It's okay, I won't judge you."

He already had. Oops.

"Whatever, libraries are boring anyway," Topher concluded. "And I gotta say, smoking by a campfire? Doesn't exactly sell you as a party animal."

"I am recovering from a very traumatic weekend," Nathan said, gesturing to his smashed up face. "Besides, there's nothing fucking open right now to have a party in or around. Why? You wanna have a game of pin the tail on the donkey? Sorry, mate, you're not my type."

Well, that was disturbing.

"Gonna pass on that," Topher said in a tone that implied Nathan would be disappointed. "And, uh."

He was just gonna go ahead and look at the injuries, yeah. He was a curious guy.

"Uh?" Nathan repeated, raising an eyebrow. "How eloquent of you. Got any other linguistic excellence to display? Maybe something like um? Or hmm? Or maybe you wanna grunt and groan like you're sitting on the toilet, trying to push one out."

Nathan flicked a few ashes towards the unlit campfire. "You're astounding me with your verbal abilities."

"Oh, dude, that sucks," Topher said sympathetically. "You should try some bran for that. Or maybe drinking more water."

"Yeah? You gonna come wipe my ass for me after I successfully drop a deuce?" Nathan asked, having absolutely no problem with being crude. "I've never let a dude do for it for me before but hey, we've all got our kinks, don't we?"

Maybe soon it would dawn on him that he didn't even know this guy's name.

And, meanwhile, Butters loved the cabins. He loved that the island had moved again and he loved that things now felt like a real camp! Donning his Big Texas Butters hat, he sidled on out of his cabin with the intent to go check things out, but he had to at least swing by the campfire to greet everyone with a cheerful, "Howdy, pardners! How's everyone doin' today?"

Okay, ew.

"Yours are apparently pretty serious," Topher observed, taking that opportunity to make reference to the injuries on Nathan's face. "Getting hit, and all that?"

And wouldn't he feel silly if Nathan happened to notice the half-healed vampire bite on his neck. Thanks for starting a beautiful friendship, Kate.

"Welp, I'm just about to go rope me some steed and then I might head over to the brothel and bang the dirtiest girl in there so I'm doing just dandy," Nathan drawling, not even caring that he sounded extremely sarcastic. "Pardner."

Yeah, he was just wondering if Butters was serious or not. The look he was giving the kid probably spoke of that.

"Headbutted," Nathan corrected, reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose. "I looked at the inside of someone's asshole and got headbutted for it."

Or maybe that had just been Kate's vampire face. That had been the ugliest fucking thing he'd seen in awhile.

"No one's face should look like the inside of an asshole, man."

"Maybe that wasn't the best idea," Topher advised him. "Could get awkward if you had to sneeze."

"Oh, you think I wanted this to happen?" Nathan asked, shaking his head. "Yeah, I just invited for the assface to headbutt me in the nose. She was being a giant cocktease and when I decided I didn't want to shag her, she got all pissed, went all vampire on me and headbutted me in the fucking face."

Logically, Nathan knew it hadn't been Kate but he was still a little pissed. His face hurt. He couldn't help it.

"Well, boy howdy," said Butters, swaggering over to a log so he could have a seat. "That there sure sounds like a fine idea, pardner. Just remember to use protection and wash your hands afterwards. Wouldn't want you to get one of them thar sex-ually transmitted diseases."

Because of course Butters was going to keep playing along.

"Yeah? That something you know a lot about?" Nathan asked, dropping his drawl for his normal accent. "Wait, don't tell me!"

Nathan put two fingers to his temple and stared intently at Butters as if he was reading his mind. Too bad Kelly wasn't around to do that for him.

"You've got warts on your dick, I bet! Genital warts! I bet I'm right."

Whoa.

"Wait, wait, wait," Topher said quickly and excitedly, holding up a hand. "Vampire? You mean that weirdo who lives on the third floor?" He pulled aside the collar of his sweater vest, revealing the bite she'd been nice enough to give him. "She got me too!"

Nathan recoiled and grimaced in sympathy. When he realized the bite didn't mean that Topher was a vampire too, he took a closer look at it.

"Fuck, she bit you?" Nathan asked, frowning. "And she didn't turn you? What happened? Did you kick her in the proverbial balls or something?"

"No!" Topher exclaimed. "I was just minding my own business and she got all creepy and practically climbed on top of me. Told her I wasn't interested and all of a sudden her fangs were in my neck."

That was the Topher-interpreted version of events, anyway.

"Jesus fucking Christ." Well, he could bet that normal Kate was probably wherever she was now, getting off her ass drunk to try and forget that.

"She just headbutted the fuck out of me," he said, gesturing to his face again. "Completely broke my fucking nose and ruined my shirt and pants. Blood doesn't come out! It stains!"

Maybe he'd make Kate do his laundry or buy him a new shirt.

"You wouldn't look good as a vampire, mate."

"No, I would not," Topher agreed, somberly shaking his head. "And we should send her our dry-cleaning bills."

Yes, Topher actually got his clothing dry-cleaned. It completed the dorky-genius look.

"Naw, I reckon yer wrong," said Butters; his mouth shifted over a little to allow for a good cowboy spit. "My weiner's in good shape; real good shape. I gar-ran-teee."

"She took off," Nathan informed him, waving a hand. "She left me a voicemail on my mobile about how she's normal now but she took off. Probably ran home to Kansas to have a good cry."

Nathan stuck the cigarette between his lips and poked delicately at the bruises under his eyes. "How much blood did you lose? I bet I lost more."

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Main Campfire | Afternoon | Tuesday | June 7

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