fandomhighdorms | Library, Saturday

Library, Saturday

Cassidy was in the library, today. She carefully shelved all of the books that were waiting to be put away and straightened up the study areas.

That would have been enough to keep her occupied, except that there seemed to be some kind of competition going on between the books in the sports section. Every time she put one away, another would come flipping and spinning off the shelf.

It was going to be one of those kinds of library days, wasn't it?

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You just might want to avoid the sports section until Cassidy gets them under control.

She'd be happy to talk to you or help you find what you're looking for.

One down, a whole lot more to go. And even though Raven knew that other Raven really wasn't her, she still felt guilty and had the need to apologize.

"Cassidy?" she called softly as she slipped into the library.

Cassidy didn't start at the voice because she was expecting people to visit her. She didn't want Raven to know that she was still having difficulties -- silly Cassidy thinking she could hide that from Raven -- so she carefully schooled her features into a smile before she turned around.

"Hello, Raven."

No, there would be no hiding from Raven.

"Hello, Cassidy," she said nervously. "I...I hope I am not disturbing you. I wished to see how you were doing. And...to apologize."

"You're not disturbing me," she said honestly. "I'm doing very well." Lies.

She gave her a slightly confused look. "Apologize?"

"For how I treated you last week," Raven said, looking down at the floor. "I was very cruel to you."

Cassidy let out a breath.

"She was not you, Raven. What she did to me, you never would have done to me." She did believe that. She didn't blame this Raven for the nightmares and the fears she was still having. "You're my friend. That person was not."

"She was what I could be," Raven said. "But not what I am, not what I wish to be." Just what she feared to be.

"I have the memories, though, as it she were me." And guilt, so much guilt. "But the things I did -- you are right, I would never wish to do that to a friend, not to anyone."

"No. She's not who you are. The person you are, my friend, you seek to take care of people, not enjoy their pain and fear."

Cassidy nodded. "I have the memories, too." And so many doubts about herself. "Raven, I know who you are and I know that what she did to that other me was not something you would even do to an enemy."

Raven wasn't too sure about that, but she nodded.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" she said. "Are you sleeping well? I have some skill in manipulating dreams to make them more pleasant and restful."

Of course, letting Raven into her head after what the other Raven had done was probably not high on anyone's list.

"If we manipulate my dreams, then I won't be facing my fears," she finally said sadly. "Part of me wants your help and part of me thinks that I need to do this or I'll never be the Queen I'm supposed to be."

Don't feel bad, Raven. She didn't even want her own court Healer and Black Widow in her head right now.

"It is no sin to accept help for one night of rest," Raven pointed out. Which was slightly hypocritical of her, since she'd slept in only restless fits for the past week.

"But I understand. If there is anything I can do for you, you will tell me, please?"

Cassidy raised her eyebrow at her. "Have you been sleeping well?"

She nodded. "Yes, I promise that I will."

"Good, thank you," Raven said, exhaling in relief. She was desperate to do something good for her friends to erase the past week.

"I have been sleeping well enough," she said. The dark smudges under her eyes wouldn't make that sound terribly convincing. "Better now, than I was."

"Of course." She smiled sadly at Raven. "You look like I feel. You've been guilting yourself all week, haven't you?"

Raven managed half a smile. "I have," she admitted. She touched her fingers to her temple. "I know in my head that it was not me who did those teerrible things, but it is harder for my heart to accept it. And when I sleep it fills my thoughts."

"I know," Cassidy said quietly. "I know that it wasn't really me that was so close to falling into the Twisted Kingdom, but when I go to sleep, I can't separate me and her."

She blew out a breath, causing her hair around her face to move a little bit. "I think that it will take all of us some time to heal from what happened here last week."

Edited 2012-08-04 23:00 (UTC)

"It has only been a week," Raven said, nodding. "It has started to fade a little, but the memories are still so fresh. I wish that I could just banish them, if only for a night."

"I wish I could banish them for you, Raven." Cassidy's eyes were full of concern.

Raven wrapped her arms around herself and hugged her shoulders. "It helps to know I am not despised for what I -- what she did," she said. "But there is a long list of people I must still speak to before my anxiety will be eased."

"I don't blame you and I don't despise you for anything." She leaned against the shelves she had been fussing with. "It wasn't you."

"I know," Raven said. "It will just take some time to truly believe it. It reminded me too much of what I became when my father controlled me." Of what she still could become if her brothers had their way. But she'd defeated them once, and she would do it again.

"If it helps?" Cassidy's voice was tentative, not sure how this would make Raven feel, but she needed to say it. "No matter how many issues I'm having with my memories from last week and coping, you are one of the first people I would still run to if I was in trouble and needed help. The only people ahead of you in that are Karla and Shira."

"That does help, thank you," Raven said, sending a little warm pulse of gratitude and comfort toward Cassidy. "I have feared so much that people would not wish to see me again. I know it is not entirely rational to think that way, but I cannot seem to help it."

This time her smile was more relaxed when she looked at Raven.

"I have been hiding this week, but I'm not hiding from you or from anyone else. I've been hiding from myself." She played with a strand of her hair. "I know that's not rational, either, but I think that's the way people deal with overly traumatic things."

She gave Raven a serious look. "Just know that I know you are my friend beyond any doubt and when I run from my memories of last week, I'm not associating that person who called herself Raven with my friend Raven."

Raven's eyes welled with tears, but they weren't born of sorrow. "Thank you," she said again. "That means a great deal to me. And I understand what you mean. I have been hiding from both myself and others."

Maybe she'd sleep a little better tonight, but she still had many people she needed to talk to before she could truly put her worries to rest.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"Of course," Raven said. "Anything you wish."

Now Cassidy looked shy and worried because she didn't know if this would make things worse.

"Could I have a hug?"

Raven smiled warmly. "Of course," she said, opening her arms and moving toward Cassidy.

Relief was very evident in Cassidy's demeanor as she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Raven.

Raven hugged her tightly; this was the first physical contact she'd had since Fandom had been restored to normal. She was almost shaking with relief.

Cassidy wanted to break down and cry from her own relief, but the tears still would not come. So, instead, she was just going to keep hugging Raven.

[OOC: Pain spike. :( Have to lay down for a bit again.]

Raven sniffled, but she was still smiling. "Thank you," she said. "I needed that a great deal."

[*snuggles* No worries, bb. Get some rest.]

When he tags in.

La.

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Library, Saturday

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