Fourth Floor Common Room, Friday afternoon

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

Joker sat on the couch with his foot propped up. Stress fractures like the ones he'd given himself yesterday weren't so big of a deal -- he had pills for that -- but it still hurt, dammit.

He was playing a match 3 game -- in other words, swiping with one hand at glowing objects floating in the air above his other wrist -- and he had the TV on in the background, for company. It was tuned to The Weather Channel, and he was starting to get a little sick of the Winter Storm Orion coverage. "You know what I hate?" he remarked, to no one in particular. "Weather. We don't really get that, where I'm from."


[Open like a common room!]

Comments

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor's jaw dropped, and -- oh. He thought she meant --

Right. It was fairly mortifying, to either have Joker think she was some sort of terrible small-minded person, or have to actually explain what she was talking about. And not just 'I have powers,' but the actual ugly truth of it.

She wasn't especially willing to do either. And she was fairly sure she owed him an apology, and he looked furious. Most likely because he was hurt, if he truly thought she had meant what she was now sure he did.

None of that was improving her mood.

"Clean your ears," she said. Her tone was sullen, but most of the fire had dissipated. "I didn't say cripple. I said freak."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"And how is that not the same thing?" Joker demanded.

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"It isn't," Eleanor insisted. She put both hands over her eyes. Maybe if she squeezed her eyeballs completely into her head, this conversation would have never have happened. Maybe the entire past two days could disappear, if she pushed harder.

When that failed to happen, she had to make a decision. It was fairly straightforward one, which was not to say it was easy. Or, rather, easy to make, significantly harder to swallow and follow up on.

Back to easy again if she realized that Joker might actually count as a friend, at least as of one hour ago, and that that friendship was important to her.

Right.

"Jeff," she said, softly, taking a long breath with it. The nickname seemed wrong, for this situation. "I'm very tired, and I spoke rather carelessly. I would never speak that way of ..." Cripple was a harsh word. "... people with legitimate medical conditions. I should have realized that you would hear that, from what I said. I owe you an apology."

Which ... wasn't actually one, was it?

"I'm sorry."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"Well..."

Okay, yeah. No better indicator that he was going a little overboard than a sincere apology. Joker let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding, and winced a little. "I'm sorry I took it badly," he told her.

"So, then... what did you mean? You... is everything all right?"

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"You don't need to apologize," she insisted, shaking her head. This was her fault; she was just relieved he'd stopped being angry. "I'm ... not like you. Or anyone else here. My genes are ... different."

That wasn't helping, either, was it?

"I have no idea if your condition is genetic, so let me add that I'm not talking about random mutations," she added quickly. "Either the superpower or disability variety. I mean splices and -- someone being made into something entirely else. I don't know if I still count as human."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"...Oh." Joker shifted uncomfortably, not really sure how to process that. "You, uh... You... Are you okay?" Every single time she'd shared something little about her past in classes, it had just served to add pieces to the picture of something sick and twisted that had been done to her. "I mean... Yeah, my disease is genetic. But you... You're talking illegal medical experiments, and twisted stuff like that..."

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"I'm fine," she said, brushing it off. "I seem to be resenting it today, that's all."

She tried to drag her attention back to the doll he was holding, to work up some enthusiasm for fussing over it for an entire sleepless week.

"So I touch it and sing and it won't scream so much?"

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"Just... You know, be comforting. You're supposed to be trying to be it's mother." Joker gave her a worried look. "If, uh... If you know what that means."

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"I'll presume it means someone other than my mother," she said, trying for a darkly humorous note. "It's not exactly old enough that I can reason with it, anyway."

She thought, suddenly, of Aunt Gracie, placing Eleanor on her lap while she brushed out those long, tangled braids. Singing quietly to herself during every stroke. The doll didn't exactly have hair long enough for that sort of thing, but ...

"It finds touch to be soothing," she presumed. "So I hold it, then?"

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

As Joker held out the doll again for her to take, he blinked at her in horror. "Your mother never held you????"

He wasn't sure how to ask the next question delicately, but it refused to stay unasked. "Was there any part of your childhood that wasn't utter shit???"

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure she must have," Eleanor decided, in her most dismissive tone. "I was probably too young to remember it, that's all. Aunt Gracie was lovely, when I stayed with her. It was just what was, that's all. I'm free now, so it doesn't do to dwell on it."

She snatched the doll out of his hands and tried to shape her own around it. The neck was weak, so fine, she'd prop up its head so it wouldn't snap. She still felt like an idiot fussing over a plastic doll.

Her eyes were blazing when they met his again. "I don't want your pity."

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"No, no, this isn't pity," Joker lied. It's, uh, surprise. And shock. And horror and disgust at the people who hurt you. And, uh... I'm really amazed at how okay you seem."

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor huffed. "You're writing this story in your mind that I'm some poor little girl, wronged by the cruel, uncaring world. That I made some brave, noble escape with trumpets blaring a soundtrack."

There was nothing noble about survival. That was as primitive as it got.

"The world isn't like that. Rapture was just reality, stripped down to its barest truths. Ugly, harsh, and distasteful. If I told you half of it, you'd never look at me the same."

His revulsion might be more welcome than his pity. It was hard to say.

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"Oh, sure, because you strike me as the damsel-in-distress type. No, look, the story that I'm writing in my mind is that in the middle of this crazy city of yours collapsing around you under the weight of its founders' utter stupidity, you had horrible things done to you that, plus side, turned you into a superhero, and minus side, were completely brutal. That's not reality, that's catastrophe. And I'm not sure where your mother fits into the mess, but it's probably not good. How'm I doin' so far?"

NFB from here please!

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor bit her lip and fussed more with the doll. Easier than meeting his eyes. If she didn't deny it, he'd know it was all true.

She must have been more open than she'd realized, in the bits and pieces she'd mentioned in class. Was that bad? No one seemed that upset about revelations about one another's lives. But they still didn't know the half of Rapture, and that was saying a lot.

Several seconds passed. She couldn't think of a plausible denial, and she was too tired to try very hard.

"I could split hairs," she admitted, "but not many."

She'd gained the powers themselves later than he realized, and the city had been crumbling for a long time. The rest was startlingly close.

"Mother thought the experiments were a smashing idea, so she restarted the program herself."

Re: NFB from here please!

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

To be fair, Joker was pretty perceptive.

"Your mother thought that... Your own mother did things to... Hang on. Your actual mother, or some evil overlord with the title of Mother? I'm trying to decide which would be more fucked up."

Re: NFB from here please!

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Some people seemed very attached to their mothers. She understood it, psychologically, even if she couldn't feel that same attachment.

"Biological," she said. "I was conceived in order to further her life's work. The greater good, the elimination of the self, all of her self-important philosophical ramblings in that horrid book of hers. She wanted me to be the Messiah."

And had gone to great lengths in the attempt.

Re: NFB from here please!

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"That's... a lot of pressure. Did she want you to die on a cross, too, or was she going for something a little less specific? And did she really expect you'd believe in her crap?"

Re: NFB from here please!

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"She wanted me make judgments for all of humanity," Eleanor said. "No death required, except that I'd lose all of my own self in the process. I'd be a vessel that could speak with many voices."

She lifted a shoulder. "It didn't matter that I didn't believe. She just sedated me and performed the experiments anyway."

Re: NFB from here please!

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

What did you say to something like that? How did you respond?

"That-- that's some motherly love, right there," he told her. "I mean, most mothers are just content to assume their child is perfect. Not many would use sadistic medical experiments and torture in order to ensure it."

...She understood that that was sarcasm, right?

Re: NFB from here please!

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

She did. It helped. Sarcasm was easier to deal with than pity.

"There's one thing you can say for Mother," she agreed. "She didn't lack for ambition."

She fidgeted slightly, then tucked the child back into the crook of her arm.

"She doesn't know I'm here," she said, which was a considerably nicer topic. "The Little Sisters sent me. A going-away present, for Big Sister. With luck, I'll never see her again."

Re: NFB from here please!

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"'Ambition' isn't really the word I'd use. 'Hubris', maybe. Or 'batshit'. And don't worry if you do see her again -- if she comes here, she'll have swaths of people to cut down before she gets to you."

Re: NFB from here please!

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

Eleanor opened her mouth to protest, but ... no. This island did seem the sort of place to close ranks about one of its own. And she was most decidedly that.

If nothing else, Professor Jono would scowl at her. She found she rather liked that mental picture.

"Thank you," she said. "I'd rather no one get hurt just for my sake. Although, by herself, she's not physically dangerous. It's what she says, and how it poisons you."

Mother was a psychiatrist. She wielded vulnerabilities like weapons.

"Earlier," she began, falteringly. "I'm not ... good with people. I've never had friends. I don't always know ... how to say things properly."

Re: NFB from here please!

[fly-so-serious.livejournal.com]

"A battle of wits, to the death," Joker mused. "That could be intriguing." Her other comment, he shrugged off. "Don't worry about it," he told her. "I'm not so good with people, either. Just say whatever it was you were going say, and you'll learn the right ways to tweak it as you go along.

Re: NFB from here please!

[nobloodymessiah.livejournal.com]

"All right," she said, nodding. "Then I want to say I wasn't exaggerating, earlier. What I said about ... misshapen freaks. I don't mean a child of mine might have a club foot or a cleft palate. The treatments I've undergone ... someone who had similar experiments done is now an amorphous blob. A completely mad one, at that."