fandomhighdorms | 2nd Floor Common Room, Wednesday Evening

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2nd Floor Common Room, Wednesday Evening

Cars, Thorin could handle. He could even deal with the soldering irons that were, in retrospect, far more useful than his pride would allow him to admit.

But the box from which images and sound sprang was a step too far. Not because it was too fanciful of an invention. Oh no. But because of what was airing on it: Cupcake Wars. Thorin didn't quite understand what a vegan was, but he didn't like it. He didn't like it at all.

Someone really needed to show him how to change the channel before a table was thrown at the TV.

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"A cooking show? Really?" Ronan did not know of Thorin's struggles with the television. "There's not anything better on? You know, like anything else ever?"

Cooking shows were boring.

"I could not rightly say." Oh please, tell him of the ways of the remote. "This was all that was being shown when I arrived."

And it was terrible.

Ronan paused and gave Thorin a look that was a mixture of 'seriously' and 'are you fucking with me?'

"So, change the channel." Time to admit your problem, Thorin.

Rude, Ronan. Rude.

"And how would I do that?" Thorin asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Because there was no way he could loom over anyone here.

Stupid men. Still better than elves, though.

"Turn around three times and tap your nose."

He just wanted to see if this guy would do it. Could he possibly get that lucky?

He wasn't stupid, damn it!

"How about you show me?" Thorin replied. "I don't know if I could manage it as well."

Ronan snickered and picked up the remote control.

"You use this," he said, clicking the channel up button. "Push the arrows to go up or go down. Magic, man. You won't have to watch cooking shows anymore."

"I don't know if I would call it magic."

Said the dwarf.

"But anything is better than listening to 'vegans' discuss how only they may bake tiny cakes so that they're edible."

"Anything is better than vegans."

Ronan didn't have a lot of love for people who wanted him to basically eat dirt and plants.

"You looking for anything specific?"

Right? It was just against nature.

Thorin waved to allow Ronan free reign with the television. "I have no preference."

Because he didn't know better.

Ronan wasn't big on television either but he flopped down to at least find something that wouldn't make him want to punch a wall.

"Where the hell are you from where you don't know about remotes?"

"Erebor," Thorin replied. "I don't believe anyone has heard of it here."

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Thorin, son of Thrain. At your service."

"You're right on that," he said, shaking his head. "Ronan Lynch. Congratulations on your parentage."

Dry, so dry.

"It is nice, yes," Thorin replied, mirroring that dry tone.

Being royalty and all.

"That a thing in Eeyore?" Not what he said, Ronan. "You tell everyone who daddy is?"

"Yes, among my people it is a traditional greeting."

Because it was super fucking patriarchal. TOLKIEN.

"What if you have no father?" Or didn't know who he was. "They get left out?"

"...how would you be born without a father?"

Point. Ronan shrugged.

"Metaphorically," he corrected. "I know people who've biologically got a father but have pretty much said 'fuck off' in terms of calling them father because they're damn deadbeats."

Mr. Parrish.

Right, that was a thing that men tended to do. Weird. So weird.

"Then I suppose they should introduce themselves with the name of their mother."

Ronan nodded.

"I'm not introducing myself either way," he said though he didn't think Thorin cared. It was more talking to talk. "How'd you end up in this place? Fall into a portal or something?"

"Good to know." Psst. Your issues were showing, Ronan. "A... portal? I suppose would be the best explanation. I have looked for a way to return, but nothing so far."

Which sucked. Majorly.

"Why would you want to leave this utopia?" First his issues showed, then his sarcasm. "It's the size of a freaking thimble and free food is their biggest asset. Who doesn't wanna be here?"

Him. And Thorin, apparently.

What next, Ronan? If you cried on him, Thorin was leaving. And he was taking the remote with him.

"Yes, it seems like a gift to be here. One I will gladly return."

"I'd ask you to take me with you but I don't actually want that." He just knew it was the funny thing to say. He shook his head. "Do you not have vegans where you're from? Are you that goddamn lucky?"

"Not to my knowledge." Hey, the closest was a dude who turned into a bear. But he ate honey, so it didn't even count. FAKE VEGAN. "It seems frivolous. Why not eat all that is available?"

"Because you'd have to kill the animals to get to the meat," he said, rolling his eyes. "And that's just cruel. Would you like it if the animals killed you and ate you with a side of french fries?"

Another eyeroll. "And no, before you go asking, that's not how I feel. Those are excuses I've heard."

Clearly these vegans didn't know about wild boar. Those things would eat you in a heartbeat.

"I have a need to eat a whole roast boar now."

Just to spite people.

"You know where to find one?" He was actually curious, sue him.

"No. Consider it another downside to this place."

All they had was vast amounts of free pizza and Chinese food. Neither of which Thorin even recognized.

"Could try the preserve," Ronan said, proving that he was in a helpful mood tonight! Maybe yesterday's dalliance with Isabelle had put him in a good mood. "Heard they have some animals roving around in there."

Thorin would drag an Alot back to be butchered and traumatize so many students, Ronan. This will be on your head.

"Really?"

Thorin's stock would actually go way up if he did that. Way up.

"Yep." He nodded. "I'm not really one to go tromping around in the woods but I know there're animals in there. Might be able to snag something big and meaty."

"I'll have to look into that."

Such trauma.

"Ooh, cupcakes!" Kira said, peeking at the TV on her way in. This wasn't her floor, but she was going to check out her tea options here before going upstairs. "Now I'm going to get hungry."

"You enjoy this...?" THING.

"Um, sometimes?" Kira said, like she wasn't sure that was the right answer. "It can be fun to watch other people cook stuff and get ideas."

"They seem to spend much of the time they could be baking, panicking over trivial things."

Thorin was not meant for reality television. He was a reality TV buzzkill.

"A lot of that is faked so the show is more entertaining," Kira said with a nod. "It'd be boring to just watch people bake."

That was true. "I still don't see the point of it. Obviously this isn't a war."

Obviously.

"No, it's not a real war," Kira said. "It's just a competition to see who can make better food. And the winner usually gets a lot of money."

"But what becomes of the loser's cup-cakes?" That seemed like a waste.

"You know, I always wondered that. I think the people who work on the show get to eat the leftovers. Or they might throw the food out, but I hope not," Kira said. "Especially food that tastes really good."

"Or it simply appears good. Who knows what else is fabricated for entertainment?"

Thanks buzzkillington the third..

"I don't know if that's overly cynical or really brilliant," Kira said. "It'd be a conspiracy to fool everyone into thinking the food is good!"

He'd go with brilliant. "We would never know for certain."

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2nd Floor Common Room, Wednesday Evening

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