3rd Floor Common Room, Saturday Morning

[apocalypsehow]

Because it was funnier Five had woken up perfectly normal this morning. Normal and enjoying the fact that his roommate wasn't there so he could work on setting up a chain of events that may have started the apocalypse now that he had access to more materials.

You know. Since it wasn't destroyed in said apocalypse and all.

But right now, he was just enjoying a nice cup of coffee without anyone throwing knives at him and contemplating going to get himself a donut.

[open!]

Comments

[grayskollar]

Adora had woken up in an uncomfortably soft bed, wrapped in too heavy and warm blankets, and she'd barely glanced at the walls before realising she had more important worries, but Shadow Weaver was going to be so mad if she saw them.

"Catra?" she called out as she wandered into the room. "Catra?"

[apocalypsehow]

Five squinted at the small child over his coffee cup.

"No," he settled on. Because, if there was a Catra here, she was hiding really well.

Look, there were certain Hargreeves that were good with kids. You did not just meet one of them, Adora.

[grayskollar]

Like Adora had ever interacted with any one who was good with kids in her life.

She eyed the older cadet with suspicion. "Were you mean to her? Is that why she's hiding?" She was completely prepared to make him sorry if he had been.

[apocalypsehow]

Hey, same hat!

"You are literally the only person I've seen this morning," Five replied dryly. "Are you lost or something?"

Because, sure, everyone looked like a toddler to him and all, but this was a bit much.

[howareyanow]

"Isth that coffee?" lisped Wayne, walking into the common room and then giving it a good assessment with his wide little stance, his little thumbs tucked into his little belt loops. "Coffee'll sthunth yer growff."

[apocalypsehow]

"Oh, advice from an infant," Five replied. "Just what I'd been hoping for."

[howareyanow]

"Infanths are babieths," Wayne pointed out. "I'm sixsth."

So you were clearly wrong, Five. Nice try, anyway!

[grayskollar]

Adora knew better than to admit that to someone she didn't know, he might still be mean about it, or worse, go find Shadow Weaver. "No, I'm on a drill."

Looking for Catra was almost like a scouting drill.

[apocalypsehow]

You know what? That totally tracked with his experience growing up too.

Five nodded like that made way more sense than anything leading up to it. "Well. There's coffee."

FIVE, WHY ARE YOU OFFERING COFFEE TO A LITERAL CHILD?

[apocalypsehow]

You can't be wrong if you don't care!

"Like I said. An infant."

And are a jerk.

[grayskollar]

A child who'd never even had sugar, no less.

"What's coffee?"

There was no coffee in the Horde, either, Five.

[apocalypsehow]

"It's a drink. Are you from some place that doesn't have coffee?" Was it hell? It sounded like hell.

Not for the child abuse and gaslighting thing, but for the coffee thing. That other stuff was normal to him.

[howareyanow]

"Infanths only 'till a year old," Wayne informed the other older kid like he was doing the poor sod a favor. "After that, itsth a toddler. After four, yer no longer a baby. 'Lesth you goesth around actin' like one."

Mostly by crying a lot, but Wayne never did!

[apocalypsehow]

"Sorry, were those actual words? It just came out as infant babble," Five replied, going back to his coffee.

[grayskollar]

Sadly, this was one of the most civil conversations Adora had ever had with an older cadet. "Like water?"

The Rebellion could probably have gotten entire companies to defect with a strong pot of coffee.

[howareyanow]

"Mebbe you thould clear out yer earsth, then," Wayne lisped staunchly, his heels lifting a little before settling back down. "Hard to hear whenth you got patatahsth in 'em."

[apocalypsehow]

"...sure. Like water." He was going to give coffee to a toddler. Straight up.

Five teleported the few feet to grab a coffee cup before teleporting back to shove it into her hands. He assumed she knew what to do with it. You know. Wrongly.

[apocalypsehow]

Five just gave him a confused look like he wasn't going to muddle through all that to decide if there were actual words in the infant babble. "Well, I'm sure you need to go take a nap or whatever infants do."

[howareyanow]

There was a long pause, filled with a distressed kind of squint, as Wayne was faced with the conundrum the importance of informing people who apparently didn't know any better and admitting that he did, in fact, take naps.

"Naptime'sth not until after lunchtime."

It was very important information!

[grayskollar]

Shadow Weaver was going to come back from the dead just to cast judgement on Five's life choices at this rate.

"Huh, it's warm." She lifted the cup up to down it.

Adora, no.

[apocalypsehow]

Shadow Weaver could bite his entire ass.

He opened his mouth to stop it before, you know, just letting it happen. If he learned anything, it was the experience was the best teacher.

[apocalypsehow]

Five nodded and gave him the most obnoxious look possible at the admission. He was possibly the worst person in his entire family--save Reginald--to be allowed around children.

Yes, that even included Klaus.

[lovethatjourney]

Little Alexis was exactly the type of kid who'd walk right up to someone who looked older to say, "Yes, hi, I'll have a latte, thank you."

Should eight-year-olds have lattes? Eh, it's not like anyone was watching her.

[apocalypsehow]

Five gave her such a look for that. "Then go to the coffee shop."

[lovethatjourney]

"But you're here right now," she pointed out, wisely.

Were you not at her beck and call? Jeez.