[East Attic -- locked to Belthazor and Phoebe and any roommates who might show up]

[demonbelthazor]

Phoebe was back. And she'd agreed to see him. Belthazor shimmered upstairs to the East Attic, appearing outside the door. His heart was racing. He didn't know why he was doing this. He'd decided his necessary course of action last night -- get rid of the soul, and the pain and confusion would all stop. No more human weakness to hinder him. But still she called to him like a Siren. He had to see her or he'd go crazy. But what the hell was he going to say?

He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

Comments

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe stood up and took a deep breath. She couldn't believe that she was doing this. She walked over to the door and opened it slowly.

"Belthazor."

[demonbelthazor]

He flinched a little at the coldness in her tone. "Um, hi," he said lamely. "Can I come in?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe looked into his face and felt parts of her break away inside her. She moved to the side, holding the door open.

"Sure, come on in. Make yourself mostly comfortable."

[demonbelthazor]

He stepped into the room and waited for her to close the door before he spoke. "How...how are you?"

The look on her face was killing him.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe closed the door and then leaned against it. She tried not to look at him, but the pain was just too real this time. She lifted her face and looked at him.

"Why?" she whispered brokenly.

[demonbelthazor]

He reached out to touch her face, then drew it back quickly. "Would you believe me if I said I was sorry?" he said.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe took a step back and ran a hand over her eyes.

"Should I? You told me you loved me...and...I felt you...and then you...WHY?!" Tears were in her eyes. "If you were just using me for a cheap fuck, you could have just said so."

[demonbelthazor]

"It wasn't that." He looked away from her, unable to meet her gaze. "You wouldn't understand."

[sensethevisions]

"How do you know what I would and wouldn't understand, Belthazor?"

Belthazor, not Cole. Cole said he loved her.

Tears were threatening to spill from her eyes as she advanced on him.

"I thought you cared about me. You said you loved me. I felt you in my head, damn it." Phoebe was shaking as she moved closer to him.

"What was it, Belthazor? You could have just told me that since you had gotten what you wanted, you were done with me."

[demonbelthazor]

"I...did. I do." The admission just slipped out, and he took a step back as she advanced. "You just have no idea who I am...what I am."

He cocked his head and gave her a strange look. "Were you just with someone?"

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe threw her hands up in the air.

"Not really. Apparently I'm some sort of pariah. I'm good enough to fuck, but no one wants me!" Phoebe dropped onto the bed. "I tried to get someone I cared about...because I can't stop thinking about you...but he shot me down!" Phoebe covered her face with her hands.

"I thought you loved me...like I love you."

Phoebe shook her head, despair in her eyes and in her voice. "I tried to do to you...like I found you, but I couldn't. Then, I tried to get someone I cared about to want me, but he doesn't." She swallowed. "I can't gt you out of my head or my heart." Her voice dropped. "I wonder if I could get a job at the Apple?"

It was obvious that Phoebe was crushed and not thinking straight.

[demonbelthazor]

The pain her words caused him surprised him. It shouldn't be unexpected that she'd jump into bed with another man -- hell, he deserved it -- but the thought of it was devastating. He stared at her for a long moment, almost unable to breathe, trying to wash the image from his mind. He'd never felt that kind of pain before, or the jealousy that accompanied it. Phoebe and another man. It made him sick.

[sensethevisions]

"I'm in love with you and nothing makes it stop. The pain just stays there. I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me, but I couldn't go through with it." Phoebe tries to take a breath. "When you told me you loved me, it made me the happiest girl in the world." She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. "What I don't understand is why you said those words at all? You had already been given my virginity. I was already sleeping with you. Why lie about something like that?"

[demonbelthazor]

He could see how scared she was. Just like her sisters were. He was a monster, and they had every right to fear him. "I'm...I'm a demon," he said, and instead of pride, he felt misery.

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe reaches out to him and touches his face and then his arms. She was making sure that he was solid.

Her fear wasn't as great as it was when he had first changed.

"Are you going to kill me, now?" Her voice is sad, but not scared.

[demonbelthazor]

He closed his eyes at the touch of her hand on his face and drew in a sharp breath. How could he want this so much?

"I'm not going to kill you," he said raggedly. "But if I tell them...if they find out about you...they could tell me to do it."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe's voice is quiet.

"And...would you?"

[demonbelthazor]

"I haven't told them yet," he admitted, looking away from her. "I should've...but I haven't. I haven't reported any of you." Dammit, why the hell was he telling her all this?

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe's voice is steady.

"You'd kill me if they told you to?"

[demonbelthazor]

"A month ago...yeah," he said, still avoiding her gaze. "But that was before...."

[sensethevisions]

Phoebe looked at him, her gaze solid.

"Before...?"

[demonbelthazor]

"Before I realized that I...." He broke off the thought. "You're going to be told to kill me one day, you know. It's your sacred duty."

[sensethevisions]

"I don't kill unless I have to...and I don't think I could ever kill you..."

[demonbelthazor]

"That's because you haven't met the Elders yet," he said. "They'll tell you what you need to do. And they're even more controlling than your friend Ms. Parker. Just about as useful, too."

He sighed and finally looked into her eyes. "I...wish this could work. But we're from two different worlds, Phoebe. You're good and...I'm not."

[sensethevisions]

"The Elders? Who are they? No one controls me."

She frowns. "You have good in you."