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fandomhighdorms2006-01-20 04:23 pm
bridge-carson.livejournal.com) wrote in fandomhighdorms2006-01-20 04:23 pm
2nd Floor Common Room [Friday Evening]
Bridge is in the Common Room, standing on his head and trying to read from a textbook.
The TV is on, providing appropriate background noise.
ETA:Now with King Arthur playing on the TV!
[ooc: open for all!]
The TV is on, providing appropriate background noise.
ETA:Now with King Arthur playing on the TV!
[ooc: open for all!]
Re: King Arthur-- the movie! (Thank you, Cleolinda and m15m)
Hillus of Hotness
ARTHUR: Yay! I knew you would all come back!
The knights all line up on the hill so their armor can shine in the sun and their pretty, pretty banners can wave in the breeze.
Lawnus Romanus
CERDIC: Dammit, you said there was only one crazy bastard left, and now there’s, like, six.
TRAITOR SERF: So now you only have nine sprillion nine hundred and ninety-four more men than he does, rather than nine sprillion nine hundred and ninety-nine.
CERDIC: Point taken. Oh, and I saved a tree for you.
TRAITOR SERF: Thanks, man.
Hillus of Hotness
ARTHUR: Home is not some broke-ass village in a land no one in the audience has never heard of! Home is inside each of us, and inside the COMPLETELY PLATONIC LOVE we feel for each other and this godforsaken rock. Now we all fight for a common cause!
LANCELOT: What's our common cause, again?
ARTHUR: Freedom! Britain! And the development of a feudal economy in which no one is actually free!
KNIGHTS: YAY!
TRISTAN: *pulls out his bow and shoots the Traitor Serf in the Traitor Tree from five miles away*
Lawnus Romanus
CERDIC: OH, WHATEVER! YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS UP THERE!
Hillus of Hotness
THE KNIGHTS: *point and laugh*
"Oh, this is ridiculous. Remind me to give a copy to Professor Carter for Tactics. It's the perfect cliche' of stupidity and Hollywood."
Hillus Woadus
MERLIN: Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Guineveira and the Woadettes!
GUINEVEIRA: HOW Y’ALL FEEL?
WOADS: RAAAAAAAAAA!!!!
GUINEVEIRA: I SAID, HOW! Y’ALL! FEEEEEEL?
WOADS: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
The Woads storm the battlefield. Guineveira and the Woadettes all jump on this one guy and start hacking him to pieces.
MERLIN: ROLL UP THE PARTY-SIZE CATAPULTS! RELEASE THE FLAMING OOZE!
FLAMING OOZE: *GOOOOSH!*
FLAMING SAXONS: AHHHHHHH!!!
ARTHUR: Dude! That’s my backyard! YOU’RE PAYING FOR THE RELANDSCAPING, BITCH!
Battlefield of Foggy Death
CYNRIC: *whales on Guineveira*
GUINEVEIRA: Ow! My thinness! *collapses*
LANCELOT: NOOOO!
Lancelot runs to Guineveira’s aid, only to get nailed in the heart by a crossbolt for his trouble. Slowly.
Somewhere Deep in the Scott Household, The Middle of the Night
RIDLEY SCOTT: Hey, who took my Dramatic Shaky Slo-Mo?
Battlefield of Foggy Death
AUDIENCE: OMGWTF!
GUINEVEIRA [slowly]: NOOO . . . OOO . . . OOO!
ARTHUR [slowly]: NOOO . . . OOO . . . OOO!
LANCELOT [looking down, slowly]: The . . . hell . . .? I THROW MY SWORD AT YOU, BIATCH!
CYNRIC: *dies*
LANCELOT: *thud*
Somewhere Else on the Battlefield of Foggy Death
TRISTAN: I KEEL YOU, CERDIC!
HAWK: Uh, that’s all you, man. *flies away*
ARTHUR: Tristan, NOOOOO! We've clearly established that only I can kill him!
CERDIC: *kills Tristan*
ARTHUR: AHHHHHH! EVERYBODY STOP DYING!
CERDIC: We meet at last.
ARTHUR: Again.
CERDIC: Shut up.
CERDIC: *whales on Arthur*
ARTHUR: *whales on Cerdic*
CERDIC: *whales on Arthur*
ARTHUR: *falls to his knees*
AUDIENCE: Well, damn. If they killed Lancelot, I guess anyone could die now.
LANCELOT FANGIRLS: He—he’s not dead! He’s just sleeping!
CERDIC: I KEEL YOU!
ARTHUR: Oh. No. Please don’t. Come any. Closer. Mr. Saxon.
CERDIC: I KEEL YOU CLOSER!
ARTHUR: *stabs backwards*
CERDIC: *thud*
ARTHUR: *hauls Cerdic up by the hair* Look at me! LOOK AT ME!
CERDIC: Damn, son, LET IT GO.
ARTHUR: LOOK UPON MY FACE AND KNOW THAT WE HAVE UTTERLY KICKED THE ASSES OF YOUR PEOPLE.
CERDIC: Shpfff, that’s what you think.
ARTHUR: AND THEN THERE WILL BE THE NORMAN CONQUEST.
CERDIC: GAHHHH! ACK! *dies*
Battlefield of Studly Death
Arthur and Guineveira split the Cradling the Dying Hero duties. The surviving knights gather round.
ARTHUR [weeping]: My brave knights, I have failed you! If only I had taught you the rules of movie death sooner! GOD! I SAID KILL ME! WHY, GOD, WHY???
GUINEVEIRA: Go in peace, Lancelot. We'll always have that one time you were stalking me.
"That's not how it happened. Nope. They all lived happily ever after, damnit!" Parker told the TV screen.
Re: King Arthur-- the movie! (Thank you, Cleolinda and m15m)
Re: King Arthur-- the movie! (Thank you, Cleolinda and m15m)
Completely Foreshadowed Funeral
LANCELOT VOICEOVER: So . . . I died.
AUDIENCE: OMG THAT IS SO CHEATING!
"He so did not die in the books or the other movies. He was always the one to live through it. I am irate."
LANCELOT: And they burned my body exactly the way I asked them to. And Tristan’s, so I hope that’s what he wanted.
HAWK: *cries*
Warrior Wedding Well-Attended by Woads
A bunch of Woads cordially request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their sort-of princess chick,
Guinevere
to
King Arthur
on Sunday, Four Hundred and Something A.D.,
at
Stonehenge-by-the-Sea, The Isle of Britannia
MERLIN: I now pronounce you King and Woad!
© 2004 Cleolinda Jones. All rights reserved. cleolinda.livejournal.com
ARTHUR: Baby, now that I'm king, you can have all the sleeves you want.
GUINEVEIRA: YAY!
EVERYONE: *shoots flaming arrows into sea*
ARTHUR: Note to self: put more money into fireworks budget.
LANCELOT VOICEOVER: And so . . . I’m still dead. But hey, I got a pretty good new gig here in the afterlife, so whatever. Arthur and Guineveira got tons of work. Dagonet got himself a nice TV series about Rome, you know, after all the experience he'd racked up here. Galahad landed some fairy tale movie, and Gawain went on to raise Luke Skywalker. We're all kind of worried about Cerdic's Exorcist thing, but I'm sure he'll make out all right. I didn’t get to nail Guinevere like Lancelot usually gets to, but we will all live on forever as legends, or myths, or horses, or something.
BORS: Think about that the next time you go riding, ladies.
FIN.
Re: King Arthur-- the movie! (Thank you, Cleolinda and m15m)