Fourth Floor Common Room - Saturday Afternoon

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

After hamming it up at play auditions, Shep brings the ferrets down to the common room for a change of scenery. He has his US History homework and his computer with the Sims on it. After channel surfing for a while he ends up with the VH1 Top Twenty Countdown on the t.v.


Come on in to bother him, but watch where you sit. :)

Comments

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana wanders in after her own audition and crouches down to let the ferrets bounce around in greeting, before she makes her way over to Shep.

She kisses him lightly, then checks the couch for ferrets before sitting herself down with one leg tucked underneath.

"I think I just did something really stupid."

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

Shep shooes Magick out of Lana's way, still keeping an eye on his sick little girl. (the ferret, not the girlfriend)

"Were you down on your knees banging on the stage yelling, "I did it! I did it!" too?

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana's eyes widen. "Um... no..."

She looks at him curiously. "So, I'm guessing your audition for the play was a little... *dramatic*?"

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

"I did Poe. And I sang. Do you think it was a bad idea to sing a song about getting kicked out of school for the principal?" He shrugs fatalistically.

"How'd yours go?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana tilts her head to one side and tries to imagine Shep's audition and ends up grinning and shaking her head. "Sorry I didn't see it. Maybe you'll do it for me some time?"

"Mine was okay. I'm just thinking now that it was stupid of me to audition. What business do *I* have on a stage?" She makes a face.

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

"Oh please, save the self-effacing stuff for someone who will buy it. You're as good a pretender as I am. Hell, as anyone here is. This is the place where you have to pretend to believe -or not- 50 impossible things that have really happened before breakfast. You were fine, I'm sure. What did you sing?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana's really quiet for a minute. "Okay," she said finally. She starts to say something, then changes her mind, figuring at least he didn't say, 'well, you're pretty, so who cares'.

"I sang this Janis Ian song (http://community.livejournal.com/fandomhigh/654757.html?thread=31183269#t31183269) "From Me to You."

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

Shep has that feeling that he's stepped in something he didn't even know was there.

"Okay, what'd I do now?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Doesn't matter." Lana put her head down, feeling unreasonably self-conscious. "I'll just try not to bother you with my insecurities again, okay? I'm sorry."

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

Shep bent over to pick up Spirit so Lana wouldn't see him roll his eyes. He really, really hated when girls did stuff like this. Clearly something was wrong, but instead of just saying, "Hey, you know..." they go through all this "oh it's nothing" nonsense. He scratches Spirit's neck. If it's nothing, it needs to be nothing, if he's been stupid then for god's sake call him on it. It wouldn't be the first time and it wasn't likely to be the last. Especially if he isn't told what he did stupid this time.

He just gives Lana a pull-the-other-one look, that's probably more comical than he wants it to be.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

She almost smiles at the face he makes. Almost.

"Why do guys assume that if you tell them you don't think you're good at something that you must be making it up to get some sort of compliment out of them?" She pulls at a loose thread on the edge of the couch, worrying at it.

"I auditioned for the stupid play and now I feel like an idiot. You're about the only person I'd admit that to, and when I do..." She shakes her head. "Whatever. My hang-up, I guess."

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

"Why do some girls refuse to believe that they're good at stuff?" he counters with a 'betcha didn't think of that possibility' look.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

She shakes her head. "You just... God, you remind me of Clark. He's got this whole warped vision of me as just... being this... idealized person. And I'm not. I'm... yes, I'm pretty and because I am, he doesn't - people don't - realize how... *nothing* I am. I kept telling him I was afraid someday he'd take the time to see the real me and he'd realize how far from his imaginings I am."

She's gotten up and moved behind the couch, not looking at him, angry with herself. "I work so hard to try and be all these things people think I am, but..." she shakes her head, "I just keep waiting for them to realize it's all just a sham."

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

"I'm looking for something to bang my head into. You're pissed off because I *do* believe in you? Do you hear how warped that sounds? I never said anything about ideal - I'm the guy you kissed and then ran out on, leaving me standing at the altar. Not exactly ideal. All I said was that it was unlikely that your audition was some kind of walking disaster. How did we get from there to here?

Seriously, how is it that the only thing we seem to agree on tonight is that, yes, you are pretty. But the rest... I'm at a loss here."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"I'm not pissed off," she yells. "I'm scared! You... damn it, I care for you a whole lot more than I know what to do with and I'm terrified that you're going to see how little I really am and not want anything more to do with me!"

Her breath hitches, almost as if she were trying to hide a sob and she turns away to hide this emotion that just seemed to come bursting out of her.

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

Shep's at a loss. Telling her she wasn't a total loser has her thinking she's a total loser. She's screaming at him for telling her that she's not worthless.

He scrubs a hand through his hair. "You do realize that none of this makes sense, right? I tell you that you're not worthless so you start screaming that you're worthless... I know I play dumb sometimes because it works for me... so not playing here. I have no idea what you want me to say. Can I buy a vowel or something?"

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Don't say anything. Just.... Will you hold me? I know it's stupid and senseless, but it's the way I feel inside sometimes and I..." she shakes her head again. "I don't care if you think I'm crazy, that's fine. Just... hold me and tell me it's okay."

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

Following directions he can do. He opens his arms. "It's okay."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

She hesitates for the briefest of seconds then goes over and wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. "I'm sorry," she says again. "I know I'm being... ridiculous."

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

"I would have said 'confusing', but I'm not sure I should try to correct you tonight." He's rubbing her back and hoping this ... whatever it was... is over now.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Confusing's okay," she said quietly, still holding on to him.

"Could we maybe just start this whole thing over again? Pretend I just came in and wasn't insane? And we can sit and watch TV and play with the ferrets and snuggle or whatever?"

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

Shep laughs and kisses the top of her head. "I'd really be okay with that, because I'm still not sure what the hell happened here."

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

"Lana went off the rails?" she suggested only half-jokingly.

[wraithbaitjohn.livejournal.com]

"I think this is where I shut up and say, 'Hey look what's on t.v.!'"

He has no idea what's on, but it's got to be a better answer than anything that either confirms or denies what she just said.

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana just smiles and curls up next to him on the couch. "US History," she says looking at the homework he has out, figuring a complete subject change might be good. I really like that class. Well, more I really like the professor. I think he's great - really makes it all come alive."