fandomhighdorms | Second Floor Common Room

Xander dropped his face into his hands. "Dear Flying Spaghetti Monster, what in the noodly hell? This is primetime! Think of the children! Think of me!"

People thinking of him enough to look at his facepalming hands might in fact notice suspiciously-spaced gaps between the fingers. It might be their imaginations, of course.

Yeah, they're probably imagining it. Of course. "Thank you, Flying Spaghetti Monster. I promise to never eat Chef Boyardee-- well, I never have before, so I won't start."

On the commercial, Parker pokes Xander in the side and says, "Hallway. Now."

"But..." Xander pointed at the screen, which was currently displaying a pink bunny pounding on a drum and rolling past a field of people singing and holding cola bottles in the air. "TV!" he said forlornly. "Safe, non-dirty tv!"

Parker's eyebrow arches toward the ceiling. "Xander? Now."

"Ok, when you put it that way..." Which is to say, in the voice of every girl he's ever found simultaneously intimidating and hot, or possibly the second because of the first...

He swallows and stands up, following her out into the hallway.

"Right." Parker waited until she was sure there was no one around, then kept her voice down. "You're changing the TV cannels. With your mind."

Xander stared at her. Then he ticked possibilities off on his fingers. "Ok, gremlins, possible but unlikely. Cafeteria food, more common but I would've thought you wouldn't touch it with a ten foot silver spoon..."

"Look! Naked Mountie!"

Yes, evil. So?

"What? Where?"

Xander had spun around and was staring down the empty hallway by the time enough of his brain kicked in to add, "Oh, droll, Parker" or shake his head and guide it gently over to the wall to bang his forehead repeatedly thereupon.

Not that he could see into the common room from where he was doing the thereupon thing, but for anybody who could, there were some wet, naked people climbing a rock on the tv screen now. One of them did bear a striking resemblence to Constable Hat-Dude.

"Oh, wow." Parker was standing in the doorway, smiling in delight. "I was completely right. Stop that. You don't want to hurt yourself. Look! For real this time! Naked guys climbing on the TV screen!"

"Ok, that 'droll' comment? You realize that was sarcasm, right?" He was so not looking.

Parker sighed, and walked around to where he was pounding his head on the wall, then leaned against it, close enough to almost whisper. "Which would bother you more? That the TV is broadcasting your brainwaves, or what those brainwaves are?"

"I have to choose? I can't be equally bothered by these two simultaneously not-actually-happening concepts?"

Parker sighed, rolling her eyes, then peeked around the corner. "Well, it's safe to look now. The naked rock-climbing guys are gone. It's back to pretty bunnies."

Xander stopped the headbanging, more because it was starting to hurt than because he entirely believed her. He peered cautiously around the doorframe, fully expecting to be greeted by some traumatizing sight or other.

Nope, bunnies. The big pink Energizer guy and four or five smaller ones rolling around him in circles, banging on tiny drums.

"I'm... pleasantly shocked," he reported. "Just bunnies. No naked."

Well, no naked until he said it. Then the screen blipped, and there were bunnies, but only on the little station-identification logo in the bottom right corner. Most of what filled the screen was--

"GAH! Naked!" Xander flailed an arm and covered his eyes. He hadn't gotten a great look at what kind of naked it was - he thought he'd glimpsed one of each, but who cared because the point was NAKED in direct response to his thinking it.

"I think my point has now been conclusively proven," Parker said dryly, reaching for his flailing arm. "Bunnies, naked: ergo, Playboy bunnies. At least you don't flunk word association."

"But...naked. On the tv!" The thought was more complex in Xander's head, and involved how this kind of naked bunny wasn't usually disturbing to him but how was he ever supposed to go into a room with a television and other humans in it again if there was always going to be naked happening that could be traced to him, and also WTF, Flying Spaghetti Monster, WTF, and also yes, naked shower guy was disturbing for myriad reasons. MYRIAD.

The English translation of which was apparently "Naked..." because that's all that came out when he tried to speak again, in kind of a pathetic whimper.

"Xander? Harris!" Parker shook his arm, but he just kept staring at her, wide-eyed and kind of pathetic. If he'd been Broots, he'd have gotten slapped for the continued whimpering.

That was only Parker's second-favorite way of dealing with hysterics.

She braced one arm on the wall behind him, then used the other to grab his jaw, and stepped forward. No warning, just: bamph. She slid her mouth along his, the edge of her tongue tracing the seam of his lips before just going for it. Pressure, heat, tongue, zoooooom!

It was very hard to flail, or even say 'Buh?' while being kissed. Well, at least while being kissed by Parker; Xander figured he could probably manage flailing if Sunshine the squid kissed him. Then again maybe not because he'd be too worried about trying to breathe underwater.

Granted there was some similarity between his current situation and that last thing, but this was a weirdly pleasant kind of drowning.

For the sake of his pride, he thought 'Buh' as he instinctively returned the pressure of her lips against his, but he thought it pretty quietly. It's possible not even the TV heard him.

More pressure, a bit more heat, tongue, then a slow drawing away of his lower lip, before letting it go.

Parker waited for his eyes to focus, then smiled at him. "Hi. Welcome back. Breathing okay now?"

Xander blinked once, then again, then said, "Apparently. I even seem to be able to pronounce the word hyperventilate. Also 'polysyllabic.' It's entirely possible I can even play the saxophone now."

He glanced in the door at the tv screen - which was showing Smile Time now. Possibly because it was the second place he'd ever heard the word 'polysyllabic.'

"Also it occurs to me that if I can make this thing not go off whenever it feels like, it could be the Best Randomly-Appearing Power Ever. Also, that was nice; thank you."

"You better be talking about the kiss. I am *not* nice, damnit!" Despite her words, Parker's grin widened. "Ohhhh. You're going to have fun with it *now*, are you? I reserve the right to throw random pillows at you based on what's onscreen. Don't make me regret cluing you in, Xander," she growled only semi-threateningly. "A chair to your head beats TV remote control any day."

"I would never, ever accuse you of being nice ~~out loud~~, Parker. I have great fondness for all the attachments that came with my body, no matter how often they do or don't get used."

Xander peered in the door again. "I think we only get to 'fun with it' after I master the basics of 'only on command, thank you.' "

He blinked. "That came out dirtier than I thought it would."

"And let me just savor the implications of that phrase for a moment." Parker kept a wide, evil grin on her face, then shrugged. "Okay, moment over. But let me know if you need help with your training."

Any images of leashes and collars that her intonation brings to mind are just in your head. Yup.

No, they're pretty much on the TV too.

Xander peeked, then covered his eyes. "Ok, clearly still on Step One here. Parker, you probably don't wanna know, if you ever want to be able to look Professor Pierson ~~zomg NWS~~ in the eyes again. What is it with all these actors that look like our teachers? Unless it is him, and then I don't wanna know."

Second Floor Common Room - RT's Wake

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NFB, for now, OMG

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