Grave Guinea Pig Living Room, Sunday Morning

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

His girlfriend was a turtle. A real turtle. He was never going to forgive the squirrels. Or whatever it was. The toothpaste! Toothpaste was going on the list of dangers for sure now.

As was just about everything that was outside. Jeff had tried to go outside that morning, but it hadn't really worked out. There were spiders, and somehow, tossing his turtling girlfriend at them seemed like it might be a problem later.

So Jeff was in the living room, clutching tenaciously to a moderately-sized turtle, his feet on the couch and his gaze positively watchful.

Being Jeff, he didn't really see much.

[ open to any and all cabinmates ]

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[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Good morning," Dick said, walking into the living room.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff jumped.

Being on the couch, this was something of an issue. "...Morning!" he managed, with some fake cheer, barely landing on the couch and clinging on to the turtle for dear life.

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Feeling a little jumpy today?" Dick asked.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Me? Oh, no," he replied, "but I've got a turtle, you know how it goes." He laughed nervously.

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Actually, I don't," Dick said. "I've never had a turtle before."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff's shoulders sagged, "Well, all right, that was a lie," he acquiesced, "I'm always sort of jumpy, I think I'm in danger of falling into the trap of blaming my girlfriend. Turtle."

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, I doubt your girlfriend would like it if you kept blaming her turtle for that," Dick said.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Oh, this isn't her turtle," he said, lifting the offending animal in a careful fashion that involved clinging as much as possible. "She is Turtle. Have you met her?"

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Oh, yeah. We had Petrelli's workshop together at the beginning of the summer," Dick said. "So she's an actual turtle now?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

He pulled the turtle back into his arms for another severe clinging session. "Well, you know," Jeff replied, a touch defensively, "It happens."

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"I was a rock for a weekend," Dick said sympathetically.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Oh," Jeff said, paused, and added, "How did that work out?"

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"I got better," Dick said. "And it saved me from having to deal with Greek monsters."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Oh, when we had all the ghosts and everything?" Jeff remembered that one. Barely. "I think I was indoors. Not a rock, though, which seems like a really good defensive measure."

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Oh, it was great for that. Really boring, though," Dick said. "A rock's life isn't very interesting."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"But it's a valid career path," Jeff said.

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"There's no room for promotion, though," Dick said. "It's not like you can ever become a boulder after that."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"But it's peaceful. Not very interesting, you said," Jeff's voice was almost accusing. "And also, there's a far greater chance of achieving--" he clamped his hands over where he thought the turtle's ears must be, "--Visual Access Angle."

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"What is 'Visual Access Angle'?" Dick asked, kind of concerned about the answer.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"V.A.A.," Jeff said, importantly, keeping his hands tight on the turtle's head, "is the visual angle that leads you up a skirt down to base camp. Usually, you need to tilt your head or accidentally fall on the floor to get it, but as a rock, the opportunities are endless."

He was thinking about this, yes.

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

Wow. Dick wasn't sure what the worst part was, but he had an inkling that it was the prospect of falling down just for a view like that.

"Usually I'll just take her on a few dates and see if she's willing to take the skirt off after that."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Slowly, very slowly, Jeff let go of the turtle's ears. He swatched it warily. It flailed in extreme slow-motion. Okay. "I never got that far," he said, "Until recently. Sometimes you have to cope."

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Well, it's nice that things are looking up for you," Dick said, unable to resist the pun.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," Jeff said, after a moment, "It seems like her being an actual turtle would make that less gratifying."

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Give it time. I mean, I'm not a rock anymore," Dick said.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry to hear that."

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"Thanks. But I've learned to deal," Dick said.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Well, we all have to, don't we?" Jeff asked, philosophically, "With or without being rocks. Even if that does make life easier."

[laidanegg.livejournal.com]

"That's extremely profound," Dick said, somewhat surprised after the way the conversation had been going.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I think about these things," Jeff said, with a shrug of his shoulder. "...Ow."

The turtle stared up at him. Balefully.