fandomhighdorms | The Stables, early Wednesday morning

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The Stables, early Wednesday morning

Karal followed Altra as he made his way unerringly through the thick fog to the stables. All sound was muffled, which was both disturbing and at the same time oddly peaceful, and Karal jumped when Trenor loomed soundlessly out of the gloom.

"Silly horse," he told him, scratching the horse's nose, and Trenor snorted. "Come along." Karal led him into the barn and turned on every light before getting Trenor his breakfast.

"I need you to be at your best this morning," he said quietly, leaning on the stall door. "You are to be both a distraction and a way of soothing someone." Trenor flicked his ears and kept eating.

Altra, after a studying them for a moment, left the barn to sit atop a fence post, watching through the fog for Jaina.

[ooc: Karal's thread with Jaina locked to them, but the stables are totally open to all.]

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At least Jaina hadn't gotten lost this morning. She'd gotten up early again, made sure her bunny of a boyfriend was all right and then headed down to the stables.

"This place just keeps getting more interestng," she said when she arrived, though she looked like she was making sure she could actually be heard.

Altra leapt up to sit on the stall wall, and Karal smiled at Jaina. "I wonder if there's something in the town charter about the minimum number of boring days permitted on the island."

Trenor hung his head over the door and whickered at her, ears pricked, in a clear invitation to be patted.

"I'd say we should request that, but something tells me it's not under anyone's control," Jaina said, reaching up to pet Trenor. "Hey there."

"I suspect you're right." Trenor's ears flopped out to the sides and he sighed in contentment as he nuzzled against her hand. "I told you he'd be happy to see you," he said, smiling. "He'll be even happier after when you start grooming him, if you still don't mind helping me with him."

"Not at all," she said, not moving her hand quite yet. "What do I do?"

"It's very simple. Just clip the lead rope onto his halter and lead him out into the walkway. Normally, I'd tie him if it was just me, but I can hold the lead for you." Karal fetched the grooming box and pulled out a brush. "Then start at his ears and work your way down one side and then the other. He's clean, so you won't get dirty, he just needs to be tidied, and he loves to be groomed. I can even show you how to pick out his hooves, if you're feeling adventurous."

Jaina looked a little lost. "Pick out his hooves? He doesn't come with them?"

Karal really tried hard not to, but he burst out laughing. Trenor lifted his head, looked at him for a moment, then went back to nuzzling Jaina. "Sorry," he said, holding up his hands. "Forgive me. There is no reason at all you should know what that means." He dug around in the box and pulled out a hoofpick. "It means use this to clean his hooves."

"Oh," she said, not really offended. "What's so hard about just calling it that?" She didn't really expect an answer, though, already trying to clip the thingie onto the other thingie.

"I'm not sure," he said. "It's just always been called that."

Trenor held very still for Jaina, those his ears were flicking backwards and forwards, whether in puzzlement or excitement at seeing the brush, no one but Trenor could know.

"Can't say I don't learn anything new," she said. "Just down the walkway?"

Karal nodded. "Bring him up towards me," he said, taking a few steps backwards.

Trenor was paying very close attention to Jaina, and being very careful where he put his feet. It wouldn't do to step on the person who gave him the best treats.

The thought of being stepped on didn't even occur to her, she just led Trenor towards Karal, more worried about going too fast or letting go.

Karal held out his hand and Trenor stopped, stretching out his neck to lip at the brush. "It's not food," he said, shaking his head in amusement. "That's perfect, and I'll trade you the lead for the brush."

"Maybe he's just expanding his diet," Jaina suggested, handing him the lead to take the brush.

"He's a silly horse," Karal said, laughing quietly as he took the lead. "Now, the only things you need to know are to brush with the hair, not against it, and be gentle when you're brushing his legs and his face. Oh, and he really likes being groomed, so if he starts making funny faces, that's why." He rubbed Trenor's nose for a moment. "Thank you for helping me."

"Not a problem," she said, starting the brushing as gently as possible till she got the hang of it. "Besides, it's good to see Trenor again."

Trenor leaned into the brush, and his ears flopped completely out to the sides. "It's hard to imagine a world with no horses," Karal said, stepping back until he could sit on the steps, with the end of the lead held loosely in his hand. "The stables are one of my favourite places. I find them very peaceful."

"I think that way about docking bays," she admitted. "Even if the ships want to frustrate me to death sometimes."

"But the ships don't appreciate being groomed the way a horse does," he pointed out, while Trenor turned his head to nibble Jania's shirt. "And they don't whicker with happiness when they see you."

"No, ships just spit up on you and refuse to work like they're supposed to. At least if they're the ones I've been dealing with," Jaina said, watching Trenor. "I need that, you know."

Trenor sighed and gave her a woebegone look, but stopped nibbling.

"And truth be told, horses can be just as uncooperative," he said, and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "When we were talking at your cabin, you promised you'd listen to me later. I'd like later to be now, if you're still willing."

She couldn't say she was surprised, but still, she'd hoped. She didn't say anything besides, "Okay, shoot," wanting to see what he had to say first.

See, she was getting better.

"Thank you," he said sincerely and with a quick mental conversation, asked Altra to leave. The Firecat didn't look happy about it, but he went, padding out into the fog.

"I'd like to ask a question first, if I may." Karal folded his hands around Trenor's lead, almost grateful for the blackness, because it made it easier. "Have you grieved for your brothers?" His voice was very quiet, very calm. "You lost them in dire circumstances, circumstances which continued and worsened, with no time for much besides fighting and surviving and planning for the next fight, but was there a moment when you simply stopped and, and grieved, without anger or rage or thoughts of revenge?"

Well, she hadn't expected that. Her hand stilled on the brush, and her answer was a very careful, "That's really none of your business."

"No, it's not," he agreed, but he suspected he knew the answer based on her response. "And I'm sorry if my question caused you pain. None of this is my business. I'm only involving myself because I'm worried and because I care, about you, and about everyone who will fight with you and for you, and for everyone else. You told me that you would become a monster if it meant you could keep one person from dying who didn't have to." He paused. "Did you mean that?"

"If that's what it took, then yeah. But I'm not going to," she said, turning more towards him and sticking her free hand on her hip, not defensive at all, clearly.

Trenor nudged her shoulder, because she was supposed to be paying attention to him.

Karal couldn't see her, but he lifted his chin anyway, turning his head toward her voice. "How do you know you won't? You've said you will, should it be necessary."

Edited 2008-08-14 01:09 (UTC)

"I have other things to focus on," Jaina said. "Squadrons to form, campaigns to organize, psychological warfare to dole out. You know, work."

"A war to fight," he said, and nodded. "And you think that becoming a monster is something that happens in one moment, a single instance, when one chooses to be exactly that? It doesn't. It happens everyday, slowly, as you take the easiest route, the simplest way - war becomes vengeance, justice becomes persecution, a hundred tiny steps and suddenly your miles into the dark. Instead of pitting your will against the shadow, you are prepared to embrace it if you deem it necessary. You say you never will, because you'll be too busy working, but right now, Jaina, you are standing in the shadow's edge. You said that you chose the dark and rechose the light, but the dark is still with you. You're hiding from it, from yourself, and you think it won't find you if you lose yourself in work, but it is with you, Jaina, and I don't think you'll be free of it unless you deny it utterly and work every minute of everyday to loosen its hold on you."

Sorry, Trenor, Jaina was a little focused on something else right now. "I've had my fill of philosophy, trust me, but I know all about the fall," she said. "I've seen it, I've seen the aftermath, I've experienced it myself. The worst things I did were done before I ever made a decision. Will I ever do anything like that again? I'm not planning on it, but I'd rather put my efforts into something more constructive."

Besides, she might only have a couple more months to live, it probably wasn't time for another fall. Easy.

Karal blew out a long breath. "This is not philosophy, this is life, your life. This is what is happening right now, to you and those around you, those you will lead. And to be perfectly blunt, while I cherish you as a dear friend, and would be devastated to lose you to death or to the dark, I am more concerned for the people around you. You have already turned to the dark once, and that makes it far easier to justify doing so again."

He leaned forward, voice earnest, and Trenor snorted, shifting sideways in response to the rising tension. "I know what happens when those in power cease to serve the light. It's what turned Karse into the slaughtering tyrant it used to be. You're a Jedi, you wield powers the rest of us can barely imagine and certainly can't match and you speak as if this is all as unimportant as deciding what, what colour socks to wear."

"First off, it doesn't make it easier to justify turning back," Jaina shot back, standing her ground. "If you can say that, then you obviously don't understand it. I know full well what I could have been capable of and guess what? I'm just not doing it. And I'm a much worse critic of myself than you are. This is just who I have to be to fight this war, even from here. If you don't like it, you don't have to."

He took a deep breath and ran through a calming exercise as quickly as he could. He was doing this wrong, letting his fear overcome his training. Ulrich telling him, Never drive, never lecture, or you will simply harden their heart against you. We are guides only, and their choices must be made freely, was loud in his memory.

"I'm sorry," Karal said, and he meant it. "I didn't mean to lecture you. And you're right, I can never understand the things you've seen and the things you have had to do." He folded his hands tighter but his tone grew much softer.

"You think this is who you need to be, that hardening your heart, that not facing your grief, makes you strong, but you don't know for certain, because you won't consider being any other way. You criticise yourself, but what about yourself are you criticising?" he asked. "I don't like it. I won't accept it and I won't stop trying to convince you unless you make me."

He held out his hands. "I love you because I'm a priest, but more than that, you're my friend, one of the best I've ever had, and I'm afraid for you, Jaina. I know what could happen, I know, and it terrifies me."

It wasn't that his words didn't have an effect on her, it was just that she didn't want to hear them. Not to mention, his attitude was exactly the one she didn't want people to have about her.

"I could make you," she said softly, trying to place the brush in one of his hands. "The fact that I won't should say a lot."

It shook him deeply, and he paled. "You could," he said, sounding far calmer than he felt as he closed his fingers around the brush. "There is nothing I could do to stop you. Glory, I'd welcome it with a glad heart if in exchange you would agree to think about what I'm trying to tell you!"

Jaina sighed. "I'll think about it," she said, though she knew she wouldn't. It'd go up there with the offer to be queen, and Kyp's initial offer to train her. Things she agreed to just so the conversation could stop.

"Thank you." He bowed his head, hoping, praying, she meant it. "And will you come and see me before you go?" he asked, standing up and moving down the lead to Trenor's head. "And when you return?" Karal knew he was pushing his luck. "It doesn't have to be about this. Just, come and talk with me. Please."

She felt bad for him, that he was so worried about the thing that wasn't going to be her real problem. And she wasn't going to lie. If she disappointed him, it would hurt, but it'd be better for him in the long run. "We'll see," she said, giving Trenor a pat. "Bye, Karal."

He didn't let his sadness show. "Goodbye, Jaina," he replied quietly as Trenor snorted and turned his head to nudge Jaina's hand.

Jaina let Trenor nudge her for a second before dropping her hand and heading out, in a complete rush to not actually think about a thing.

Karal simply stood for a moment, staring into the blackness that was all he could see, then started brushing Trenor, long, slow strokes that soothed them both. "You did your part perfectly," he told Trenor as the horse sighed and shifted his weight. "I wish I could say the same."

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The Stables, early Wednesday morning

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