The Pool, Friday Evening

[endsthegame]

It had been a couple of months, and Earth still made him uncomfortable.

Not for the first time, Ender had retreated, his back like a raft on the surface of the water. His eyes weren't closed. He was watching the ceiling, watching one spider crawl across that particular surface, not-watching the skunk that had draped itself (himself? Herself?) over the diving board some time into his presence here.

He was tired of thinking, but he also knew he wasn't going to stop, and so spinning around in circles about it wasn't going to help him. It would have to be like the Battle Room, way back when: still drifting idle paths from one side of the pool to the other.

You could almost mistake it for being content.

[ open like a pool, kids ]

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[momslilassassin]

Ben didn't have classes on Friday, so he'd spent his time getting the lay of the land.

The pool was his last stop, and he hadn't expected to run into anyone there.

"Oh, hello," he said, cheeks turning pink.

[endsthegame]

There was an audible displacement of water as Ender moved, just enough to catch sight of the intruder--

His eyes settled on the young boy present, and it was almost familiar. "Ho," he said, tiredly.

[momslilassassin]

"I didn't mean to interrupt," Ben said quickly. "I was just finishing up some initial recon on the school and I hadn't been down here yet."

[endsthegame]

He'd been much the same when he'd come here, as decisively stuck to the island as he was. Ender had been allowed to stay, back when Dink had floated through the battle room, and he didn't really see the point in acting any different. "It's fine," he said, his tone settling down along with the slight tenseness in his limbs, "Don't drown."

[momslilassassin]

Ben's lips quirked up. "I wasn't planning on being quite that comprehensive," he said. He glanced over at the skunk. "Is your little furry friend normally here?"

[endsthegame]

"Sometimes it's better to be," Ender replied, shifting his face so he could continue tracking the spider on the ceiling. Except that it had disappeared. Whatever. It wasn't important. "No. It's the island again." At least it wasn't singing rats, this time.

[momslilassassin]

"I was chased by a furry thing with teeth earlier this week," Ben offered. "This place will keep me on my toes."

[endsthegame]

His instincts came to him again. "Too much and not nearly enough." He twisted in the water, his lower body slipping under, his head quickly gaining space to breathe. "What's your name?" He told himself he wasn't that curious; it was just the way this island worked, and that saved him some trouble.

[momslilassassin]

"Ben," he replied. "Skywalker."

Maybe this student hadn't met one of his relatives. Ben wasn't exactly counting on it, though.

[endsthegame]

"You're related to the Ethics teacher?" That statement just managed to scrape the edge of being a question.

[momslilassassin]

Ben's expression turned a little guarded. "He's my grandfather. Here, anyway."

[endsthegame]

Somewhat dully, and most certainly automatically, he stored the image of that expression, connected it to the person in question. "I'm his TA this term," Ender replied, replacing his drifting with sure strokes that carried him to the edge of the pool, "It seems."

[momslilassassin]

"You're interested in ethics, then?" Ben asked, sitting near the edge of the pool and hauling his boots off. He remembered the girl in his leadership class. "Or someone wants you to be?"

[endsthegame]

He put his hands on the edge of the pool, and pushed; the next moment, he was seated there, considering Ben with something akin to thoughtfulness. "I'm interested in ethics," Ender confirmed, "Although I'll trust my own judgement first."

[momslilassassin]

Ben dipped his nearly bare feet into the pool and nodded. "Using someone else's ethics doesn't make sense anyway," he said. "They aren't where you are and don't know how you got there."

[endsthegame]

"And in the end, your crimes are your own," Ender said, nudging little circles in the water of the pool. "But when it comes to those, people rarely ask you for your own ideas."

[momslilassassin]

"The 'how could yous', you mean?" Ben asked carefully, tilting his head.

[endsthegame]

"The 'what should you gets'," Ender amended. He wasn't sure why he was talking about it, except that it was always on his mind; he supposed it was better than discussing it in class.

[momslilassassin]

"Oh, those," Ben said, nodding. "I think it depends a lot on what you did, and if you were sorry later."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela hadn't been by the pool in quite some time, but for some reason she felt the need to this evening.

So there she was, suit jacket, pants, and boots, simply leaning against the wall and watching.

[endsthegame]

"And you always have the guilt, whatever you get," he said, "There's little so interesting as watching a whole room of people try to decide what y-- someone's done."

[endsthegame]

He'd noticed her, to be sure, soon enough. The pool, it seemed, was something of a voyeuristic area for people. It was starting to bug him, slowly, but not yet enough for him to bother to do anything about it.

She didn't say anything, and so neither did Ender, continuing his slow drift along the pool.

[momslilassassin]

Ben caught the slip. "If you don't have guilt for doing something that's wrong, all the punishment in the galaxy isn't going to help you understand."

[endsthegame]

"It's not the guilty party's understanding that's usually the problem," Ender replied, with a shake of his head, "Because how can anyone understand what and why has been done if those involved haven't been asked?"

[momslilassassin]

And that question hit right at Ben's sore spot with his parents. "Exactly!" he said. "They just assume they know what happened by the results! Sometimes y-the guilty party made the best choice they could with the data they had available."

[endsthegame]

And that was a slip Ender caught, but he wasn't going to pass comment on it just yet. He was interested now, though, and he spoke the words to fit. "Sometimes," he said. "But the guilt is different." He gave Ben a look that both managed to say nothing and ask a question all at the same time.

[momslilassassin]

Ben gave him a small smile that didn't reach his too-old eyes. "Seems we have some things in common," he said quietly.

[endsthegame]

"Seems like it," Ender replied, dangling his fingers over the edge of the pool. He found his feet interesting. It was eerily familiar, and that made him more uncomfortable than he'd ever admit.

[momslilassassin]

"Were you sent here as punishment, too?" he asked, finding his feet equally fascinating.

[endsthegame]

"I might as well have been," Ender said, more decisively than he'd intended it to be. "This island is a lot like what they used to call purgatory."

[momslilassassin]

"How so?" Ben asked.

[endsthegame]

He considered the evasive answer.

But Ender was tired of evasion, had no time for it, and there was no one here to judge him for it. "They sent me here so they wouldn't have to send me home. There's nothing to do here but wait."

[momslilassassin]

"Would home have been an improvement?" Ben asked.

[endsthegame]

"Nobody wants me there," he said, simply, and without any particular emotion but pure neutrality. It almost surprised him. "It doesn't matter. How about you?"

[momslilassassin]

"It depends on what counts as home," he said. "My parents are busy fighting with the cousin who's trained me since I was nine. I was sent here to be out of the way."

[endsthegame]

He considered that. "Everyone seems to be manipulating everyone these days," Ender replied. He wasn't bitter about that, or anything. "'Out of the way' might be better than the alternative." Unless 'out of the way' implied plans, too.

[momslilassassin]

Ben shrugged. "I still have responsibilities there," he said. "'Out of the way' just makes me seem more important than I am. It's going to be hard to live down when I get back to the Guard."

[endsthegame]

"Are you going to fight the good fight?"

He couldn't help the irony in his tone.

[momslilassassin]

Ben's lips quirked up in a humorless smile. "I'm going to fight the fight that's in front of me and let history decide which side I was on."

[endsthegame]

He shouldn't say it. He knew that. He had said too much already, and he'd be giving away well-protected secrets if he didn't watch his words. Still, the anger won out, even if his words were as neutral as they'd ever been. "And turn yourself into a murderer?"

It wasn't really Ben who he was asking the question. Flash back, eight whole years. Ender, do you want to be a killer?

[momslilassassin]

"Too late for that not to happen," Ben said, hunching his shoulders up. "Even if I don't remember it."

[sorella-vecchia.livejournal.com]

Triela was content with silence. It was nice to be away from people sometimes. And while she wasn't strictly alone, when no one was talking it was close.