Basement pool [late afternoon]

[momslilassassin]

Ben really wanted to be at the gym, but even he wasn't stubborn enough to punch a bag when his joints weren't fully healed.

Floating in the water was better for that, even if he looked a little ridiculous wearing a shirt and long pants. The scars the Embrace of Pain had left weren't for other people to stare at, he'd decided.

He closed his eyes and enjoyed the silence.

[OOC: Naturally, the silence doesn't have to last. Open!]

Comments

[endsthegame]

The pool was where Ender drifted.

The pool was where Ender always came back.

While he'd had plans to see Ben after all he'd heard on the radio, he hadn't expected everything to come together quite like this.

So he stood by the side of the pool for a while, watching Ben drift, thinking of zero-grav and paddling through warzones.

After some time, he sat down, slipping his legs into the water, and waited. It was well enough.

[momslilassassin]

Ben didn't open his eyes. "Ho, Ender," he said quietly.

[endsthegame]

"Ho, Ben," he replied, with equal quietness, and kicked one foot against the water. "It's been a while."

[momslilassassin]

Ben kicked one foot out, heading away of the center of the pool and closer to where Ender was. "How was your break?"

[endsthegame]

"I learned a few things," he said, vaguely, and stilled his feet, his eyes searching out Ben's form underneath the water. "Otherwise, it's been quiet. You?"

[momslilassassin]

"Learned a few things," Ben echoed. "It wasn't exactly quiet."

[endsthegame]

"Anything you want to tell me?"

Ender's feet were still still, but his eyes were anything but: alert and watching for any change at all.

"Winters tend to be a little strange, small fry."

[momslilassassin]

"Wouldn't know where to start," Ben said, hauling himself out of the pool with a tiny wince.

If someone was being observant, they'd have noticed the fading welts across Ben's stomach and back when his shirt rode up.

[endsthegame]

Someone was, and Ender's eyes categorized as they always did. "You could start with the injuries," he said, subdued. Because they were injuries, not because they meant anything to him. Really. "They're a little obvious."

[momslilassassin]

"Then you should've seen them a week ago," Ben said. "This is after three days in a bacta bath and whatever that lady did to me at the clinic."

He shrugged. "Jacen's a bastard. We knew that."

[endsthegame]

"We did," he agreed, easily. So Jacen had gotten close to Ben. Ben's cover had been broken. Ben had been hurt by Jacen. It was an easy three-step plan to understanding. "He's alive?"

[momslilassassin]

"Not due to my lack of trying," Ben said, a definite edge to his voice. "Dad wouldn't let me have the kill. Said I wouldn't come back from the dark side if I did it."

[endsthegame]

"I'd say that was a good call," Ender said, watching Ben, listening to the edge in his voice. He could imagine it: striking out against Graff, blaming him for all that had happened, except Graff would be the buggers and the other way around.

But it wasn't. "The kill's not worth it. Most of the time."

[momslilassassin]

"The things I did to get close to him..." Ben shook his head. "And he's still out there, ruining the galaxy. If I had been anyone other than Dad's kid, he would've let me turn to the dark side to end Jacen's hold on the galaxy. I made him a worse Jedi by being his son instead of just another apprentice."

Ben was working with a lot of guilt.

[endsthegame]

"I did a lot of things to keep the universe safe," Ender said, without any emotion of any kind. It shouldn't be, not when they were talking about this. "You're just another soldier, Ben. You should be glad someone loves you that much."

Like Valentine, always Valentine.

"We're always negotiating between two sides." His feet slid further into the water as he stretched one of his legs, just to see how warm it was.

[momslilassassin]

"I would've been a lot happier if he hadn't found me strapped to the kriffing Embrace of Pain," Ben said. "I'll never get that look out of my mind."

[endsthegame]

"What look?"

Because that was important than his own ideas right now. He was content to stay where he was, superficially paddling, his eyes set on the lines where Ben's injuries would be.

[momslilassassin]

"When it dawned on my father that what he was seeing was real," Ben said quietly. "Just before he kicked Jacen's teeth in. It was the first time I've ever understood why people could be afraid of Dad."

[endsthegame]

"The best strategists understand their enemy," Ender noted, looking sideways to catch Ben's eyes. "Love them, even. It's what it makes it so easy to kick their teeth in."

He searched Ben's expression for something. Anything, really. "And what did you do?"

[momslilassassin]

"Sat there," Ben said, absolutely disgusted with himself. "At least until I could get to my vibroblade. Then I cut myself out of the Embrace."

And spent two minutes trying to stand up without toppling over. Hardly heroic.

[endsthegame]

"Must've been horrible," Ender opined, dryly, sliding his chin down into the palm of one hand while watching him. "Surviving the whole thing."

[momslilassassin]

"It wasn't exactly a highlight," Ben agreed softly. He didn't want to look like a wimp in front of Ender, though. "Other people've had it worse. I was only in the Embrace for a day and a half. It's killed Jedi."

[endsthegame]

"And you're still standing," he observed. Not that it wasn't obvious, but that's hardly the point. "And blaming yourself. You've got a good trick going for you there. I should steal it."

Like he cared if Ben looked like a wimp. That'd been a long time ago.

[momslilassassin]

"Dad still doesn't think Jacen killed Mom," Ben said. "Jacen's still running around the galaxy burning planets. I had a chance to stop him and I killed the guy in front of him instead. Yeah, I'm gonna blame myself."

And that was more than he'd said about what had happened to anyone.

[endsthegame]

There was a beat. Maybe two. The water fell off Ender's feet and straight back into the pool, quietly tinkling off the surface of the body before him.

"Because obviously, you're the guy who made Jacen," he said. "You said something wrong, or you breathed something wrong, and he decided to do something stupid. And then you couldn't make him stop. All on your head. Sorry, Ben. Nobody's been a bigger failure than you."