Third Floor Common Room, Thursday Morning

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff had felt this one last night. He didn't have a lot of superpowers, but he had one, and that was exactly concerned with the kind of thing going on here.

So he poked his head into the common room on the third floor. Stealthily. Carefully. With big eyes. Finding everything clear, his body soon followed. He siddled up to the TV, reached over, and... patted it.

"Good job," he said, with feeling. "Good job. But you should have waited. Surprise only works so often, you know. Especially if it's lesbians."

He hugged it once, then let go.

[ and common room is open! ]

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[future_sandworm]

It was morning, and Leto walked into the common room to find some breakfast. He was getting used to preparing his own food in the mornings, and found it oddly comforting.

He noticed the young man he had learnt was Turtle's boyfriend by the TV and gave him a curious look. "Good morning," he greeted.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Morning," Jeff said, grinning like a loon. In the direction of the TV, mind. He didn't seem to have fully recognized Leto was actually there yet.

[future_sandworm]

"Is there something unusual about the TV?" he asked, a little confused, while rummaging through the cupboards.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"There was porn on it yesterday," Jeff said, sounding awfully lyrical about the whole thing. He patted the TV again. "Lesbian porn."

[future_sandworm]

Leto gave him a confused look. "I believe I need some further clarification."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Lesbian pornography," Jeff explained, "Is the absolute cusp of porn. There's two women. No men. It's like a jam sandwich, except there's just the jam and no sandwich." He made some lewd gestures with his hands. "...Although they wouldn't actually be jam, 'cos that's a bit more difficult to justify putting on film. And it was publically shown lesbian pornography," he continued, "Which does add to the cuspiness. I mean, there's less fear. Or more of it, it sort of depends on what the light density is."

[future_sandworm]

Leto tried you combine this statement with what Jeff had said during their first meeting. He tried not to think 'What does Turtle see in this man?' but failed slightly. "I assume pornography does include nakedness," he finally said. "Even if there are only women involved."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"More than just nudity," Jeff gleed, "Pornography is the art of on-camera squelching. The science of the horizontal, the discipline of the--" He paused, "Discipline," he grinned, "Naked discipline." He made a helpful hand gesture for it. "It is the one thing every man aspires to every single day," he said, solemnly, "Although if you want a speech on that my friend Steve's probably a bit better. And lesbian porn is ten times as good as any other porn because of the women-density."

[future_sandworm]

Clearly, Jeff came from a culture where pornography had some kind of religious significance. "You mentioned recently that nudity might herald the apocalypse, if I remember correctly." Not that it was inherently contradictory, depending on what metaphysical state one aspired to.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Uncontrolled nudity," Jeff corrected him. "In pornography, the nudity is skillfully tailored to bring us all to a higher plane."

He paused, then snickered. "Higher plane."

[future_sandworm]

So it was a matter of control. "Do all men where you are from prefer lesbians?" Leto inquired. "And would it be for the pleasure of the women themselves or for the visual enjoyment of men?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I don't know if all men do. Gay ones probably don't," he mused, "But generally. Overabundance of women also means there's less of a chance of lower whiplash if your eyes happen to slip to the bloke in the middle of viewing."

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

Dor had been wandering about when he saw Jeff talk to the television set.

"Is it talking back to you?" Dor asked cautiously. "Because I haven't told it to say anything."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"It's not talking, but it's speaking to me," Jeff said, grinning brightly, "It's speaking to be of lesbian porn!"

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

The "Lesbian Porn" comment kind of blipped by Dor's brain. Might be the Adult Conspiracy.

He seemed more concerned about the television.

"Are you really speaking to him?" Dor asked the TV.

"No," the TV replied, "He's just happy there was porn on last night. GLORIOUS PORN! HUG ME AGAIN! IT FELT GOOD!"

Dor blinked. "Porn?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Pornography," Jeff replied, happily, "The great cornerstone of all men's minds everywhere. And there was the lesbian kind which is even better."

He pointed at the TV. "It knows," he said, gleefully. Jeff had long since stopped caring about the weird.

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"I do know," The TV agreed. "It was glorious. Why aren't you hugging me more for providing porn?"

Dor however was frowning. "I'm sorry. I've never heard of pornography or lesbians," he said. "Is it like geography? I never was good at that subject."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry," Jeff said, apologetically, and hugged the television again. "Thank you for your services," he said, solemnly, "It's all in the name of men everywhere."

He slanted his head over to look at Dor right afterwards. "...You've never heard of pornography?"

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"No," Dor said feeling a little ashamed. "Should I?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff stared at him.

"You're a bloke, right?" he checked. "Not some sort of..." he waved a hand, "Alien that's got both or where the women look like men, like in Attack of the Genderquads?"

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"A bloke?" Dor asked. "I'm a guy if that's what you're saying. Not an... got both what?"

Dor was hoplessly confused.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Bits," Jeff said, seriously, and gestured at his crotch.

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

Dor blinked. "Oh! Yes. I only have my parts. Is that pornography?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Oh, no," Jeff said, grinning, and let go of the TV. "No, pornography is the fine art of two people getting squelchy before a camera for the elevation of the audience."

He didn't get to watch much of it these days. When judged against actual sex, though, he grudgingly had to admit the latter won out.

[robinthefrog.livejournal.com]

Robin came in, just to see who was about. "Hi, Jeff right?" he said.