fandomhighdorms | Behind the Dorms, Tuesday Afternoon

"Today," Arthur announced, looking fit and rested after his first night in a room that did not have an annoying desert noble in it. "We will be talking about the kind of inconveniences that Fandom likes to drop on us from the skies. Sure, poptarts or syrup may seem like a novelty, but when we're dealing with it in a combat situation it suddenly takes on an entirely new angle. Because of that, we are going to spend this week coming up with potential items of rain, and how to deal with them."

He was not going to allow any laughter in his reserves, and his expression made it clear that this was not funny. No, not even to you, newbies.

Zack was not going to giggle. He wasn't. He was going to plaster the most solemn look ever onto his face and he was going to nod. Solemnly.

"We saw the syrup on Friday," he noted, crossing his arms over his chest, because it was easier to pretend that he wasn't about to start giggling like an idiot if he looked at least remotely professional on the outside. "Which was inconvenient enough on Friday. Can you imagine what it would have been like, trying to slog through that mess with a bunch of vampires or griffons or malboros bearing down on top of you? It'd gum up your weapons, get in your eyes. We'd be dead meat." A pause. "And extra tasty."

That was helpful, Zack. Thank you.

... Zack, Arthur was trying to be serious. Please don't make him laugh.

Which he was making an effortless show of not doing, thank you. "Those of you who've been here long," he said, "Should share what you know about what rains from the sky. There are things we should be able to stock up on in case an invasion coincides with one of these things, such as glasses when the rain is-- glittery." Not. Laughing. "There are also ways we should be able to use these effects against our enemy. Had the harpies attacked during the syrup rain, it may have slowed their flight considerably, offering us new chances to attack."

"Or like the rain of condoms over in that other--" Zack clapped his hands over his mouth, wide-eyed and blushing. And then he fell into a fit of giggles the like the world had never before seen. There was a moment of that, and then he moved one hand away from his mouth, waving it vaguely in the direction of the other people around them. They could start any time now!

Helpfully, Arthur reached over to give Zack a thwap over the back of his head. "Get talking," he informed the crowd with a restrained smile.

[OCD ~~on the way!~~ up, and it helps if I note that fact, self.]

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Zack crossed his arms and continued pouting.

"There are accessories to prevent that," he replied. "It'd kinda be dumb to wander around the woods of Gongaga without a white cape on."

He was not denying that he'd been a frog. On a fairly frequent basis. No.

"Then why'd you do it?" she asked pertly. "And, like, what--they allergic to white or something?"

"They're magic accessories," Zack replied, rolling his eyes as though anyone should have known that. It was common knowledge! True facts! Still, he was smiling pleasantly anyhow. "And I did it because it was more interesting that way. Though you can't really do much but punch people with your little froggy fists, that way."

Zack was going to ball his hands into fists and punch at the air to demonstrate, yes.

He was such a dork, yes.

"How'd you stop being a frog then?"

"They punch you again!" A pause. "Or else you use a remedy. Or an impaler. Or else one of them sings a frog song."

There were many, many ways to not be a frog anymore.

"Or else you win the fight!"

...

"...a frog song?"

Ino felt that needed to be commented on.

Zack really, really had no idea how ridiculous any of this sounded, no. This was his youth!

"That would be when they sing, and it turns you into a frog. Or puts you to sleep. Or both. Both sucks."

This was insane.

"I can imagine," she said, lips twitching. "It's good to know you've outgrown the frog stage."

"I'll leave the being a frog thing up to the frogs," Zack agreed, as if this was the most normal conversation ever. "Robin is better at it than I am, anyhow."

"Robin is made of felt," she had to point out. "I don't think you were a felt frog, were you?"

"Well, no..." Zack blinked. "I was pretty non-felty. Robin's sort of a special case, there."

Ino laughed.

"Is there anything else your world can turn you into?" she asked playfully. "Frogs, so then--oooh, can you get turned into chocobos?"

"No, not really," Zack replied. And then he blinked, and he laughed. "But that sounds like it would be a lot of fun! The most we get if we don't get turned to frogs or put to sleep are stupid things, like curses and getting confused or poisoned or turning to stone."

... Okay, being turned to stone really sucked. You kinda didn't come back from that one, unless someone was around to hit you with a soft or a remedy.

"...stone would not be cool," she decided, wrinkling her nose. "And poison and stuff is dealable 'less you're already weakened."

"Thats it, exactly," Zack agreed, nodding. "The death sentence is pretty harsh, too, come to think of it..."

That one was the worst. From just fine to, well, dead. Just like that.

"Death sentence?" Ino raised her eyebrows at him.

"Oh, yeah." Zack shrugged. Totally the most normal thing ever! "Some monsters will cast this spell where, if you don't kill them in time, you'll just drop dead. There on the spot. There are some that are even more mean, with no countdown. Those are the ones I'll probably end up having to face off with, once I start getting handed the really dangerous jobs."

Ino gave him a long look.

"I don't suppose you got a magic accessory that'll stop that one from happening, yeah?"

"Oh, sure!" They had an accessory for everything. "That's what Safety Bits are for."

Yes. They were called Safety Bits.

Gaia was weird.

...

"...nice name," she said, struggling to keep a straight face. "Are those expensive, or what? 'Cause I'm thinking you'd better have one for missions like that."

"They're not that hard to afford if you've been doing regular missions. You gather up plenty of Gil killing monsters, after all." Zack shrugged. "I don't know where the store is that you can buy them from, though. I'll have to scout around before I get that far, I guess."

"You seriously mean they're not standard stock for your job?"

Incredulous, oh my yes.

"Standard stock?"

There was Zack, giving a kind of a blank look, yeah.

"There... kinda isn't standard stock for the job. I get the uniform and the sword from them, and they supply me with a Fire, a Blizzard, and a Cure Materia, and then away I go. ShinRa's kind of cheap."

"But that's stupid," she said, aghast. "Against enemies that can instant kill you!"

"Yeah, but somebody's got to do it, right?"

Zack was... still not seeing the issue, here.

Re: Discuss!

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