fandomhighdorms | Second Floor Common Room, Wednesday Afternoon

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Second Floor Common Room, Wednesday Afternoon

Ender had been gone for the weekend, and since then he'd spent no small amount of time either in his room or in Tony's secret laboratory. But, he decided, it was time to stroll back into the common room and see if there was anything interesting he could catch on TV.

He suspected not, honestly. But sometimes - sometimes - there was an interesting documentary or two. Like right now-- a well-researched, thoughtfully filmed piece on the social and cultural development of early man. Because of the year they were in, some of the information would be out of date, Ender knew.

But at least it was food for thought.

He sat back and snacked idly on an apple as he watched. Speaking of food for thought - that fruit basket hadn't exactly been easy to find around here. He was starting to suspect someone had exchanged all the fruit for snack food.

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"He wound up good," Ender replied, and left it at that.

He hoped that wherever Bean had gone after he died, it was peaceful. He'd certainly found something good in his last years.

"Fandom must be quite a change, in any number of ways," he said, changing the subject.

"Like talking pink ponies? Dude, I tried to claim Pinkie as mine when I got here, and spent the whole afternoon sure I was high," Kenzi said, smiling wickedly. "Then she was teaching my class. That was awesome."

Oh, soooooo many ways. Most of them good. Kenzi shied away from getting too personal, though. "Also, I've never spent so much time with so many geeks. Some of them are just hilarious."

Ender quirked another smile. "I meant being in a place where food and shelter is readily available without having to put much thought into it," he said, "And being around so many people who are used to having that, in one way or another."

That got a little too close to the bone. Kenzi didn't let her face freeze or go deadpan, but the smile might have gotten a little more careful. Three or four different responses were considered and discarded for, "I haven't stopped putting thought into it. You never know when everything's going to change again, you know?" Let that settle out there, and added lightly, "Some people I used to know would've reacted badly to a remark that on-target."

Not exactly a warning. But it was hard, to have someone looking at you closely enough to notice that. And then just comment on it. She was watching Ender now, mind ticking over the possibilities (social-worker type, anthropologist type, just-smart?). You are not invisible. I see you, seemed to be the message. Kenzi checked the urge to jump away.

"Oh, I don't doubt that," Ender replied. "But you don't strike me as one of those people." He picked up his apple again. "I'm not trying to get one over on you, Kenzi," he said. "I'm just... interested. I only have a year left here, and when I leave, I will be spending my time and sharing my space with a group of people who have all, for whatever reason, chosen to disappear."

He took a bite.

So, he'd picked up on her unease, didn't want to piss her off, guessed what had unnerved her... And had a fairly good reason to wonder about this stuff. Or at least, one reason. Who knew if he had others. She'd take that one, though. Kenzi released a covert breath, wondering if this was Ender's way of checking on his little brother, too, then shook herself and got her head back in the conversation.

"Enh. Too many different reasons why for each person. Cost-benefit, mostly, I'd guess," she said, keeping her voice level, and being, for the most part, honest. "Can't judge your world from two people. My family bailed out of Eastern Europe when there was no point in trying to fix it. The system was broken. Money was nowhere. Canada's not perfect, but it's not busted. It worked out for us."

"My family is the same," Ender said. His voice held the tone of someone who was sharing, though none of this was emotionally all that important to him. "Fleeing from Eastern Europe, I mean. My father and his entire family were brought over from Poland."

Family en masse, not family personal, was a pretty neutral topic so Kenzi relaxed a little further. "Latvia and Russia, for us. Cousins and aunts and uncles and all. Hunh. People are still fleeing there in a hundred years? Dude." She shook her head. "Some things don't get fixed, do they."

She wondered why Ender wanted to disappear. If it was the war, or whatever happened with Russia when they got back. Decided just to not go there.

"But hey. Brave New World. That was a book, wasn't it?"

"That was a book," Ender agreed. "Though probably not the one we should be citing here." He took one last bite of his apple, then tossed it at the trash can. "Population limits," he said. "My world had them for a long while, because we had nowhere to put the excess population if we kept growing. My father's family were Catholics - my sister tells me they had a lot of kids. So the government refused to give them any benefits, because they were non-compliant. A lot of Eastern European families suffered."

"Hunh." Kenzi considered that, the distracting future past the alien invasion, and before it. "My family's huge. If we'd stayed in Europe-- or if our world goes the same way-- we'll be in the same place, some of us. The ones who have kids." Wanting them, not so much a question. Kids happened. Unless you were careful and smart. "Somehow, you know, that doesn't sound like a good plan to me. You have nothing, so you have kids to get more stuff; more contacts, more resources, or hey, the religion thing, if you have jack-all else... but the government penalizes you. How does that help anyone?"

"Because if there are too many little humans running around, then we run out of resources for everyone," Ender replied. "While their religions were designed to operate best when we had a human shortage. To help prolong the species. Of course, all of that's moot now, with the Formic threat gone." He tilted his head. "How many siblings have you got?"

"Yeeeah, just..." She still never really got government thought. Things should be better designed for what they had, not how they wanted the world to be. "Anyway." She smirked, lacing her fingers together and putting them behind her head. "The ones I know about? Or the ones that might be out there on each side that I haven't met?" She shrugged, unbothered. "Either way. Not relevant. I've seen my cousins and aunts a lot more recently, and crap, there's a ton on each side. Halfs. Steps. In-laws. Fosters..." She shook her head. "Forget it, I lost track when I was ten."

"Ever considered drawing a flowchart?" Ender asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kenzi snickered. "Only to avoid the ones I owe money. Who might've talked to the in-law's brother's kid who spotted me somewhere with cash." She grinned at him, then shrugged, her momentary reaction to feeling exposed mostly forgotten. Mostly. "You have a lot of cousins, too? Wait, you said your sister told you that your dad's family was big. Haven't been around them much?"

"I haven't seen my parents since I was six," Ender said, lightly. Which wasn't completely true - but the one time he'd seen them, they'd been in the middle of a crisis, and they hadn't spoken. "If you want to know about my cousins, Peter might know more."

"Dude." Kenzi considered that, and several things to say to that; reconsidered, thinking of her own parents, and settled for, "Harsh." And waaaaay too late for him to be all family-oriented, she guessed. No wonder leaving the planet wasn't a big deal for him. "Enh. Peter would just blow me off and want to know why I want to know. He's not a lot for 'I'm bored and curious'." She quirked a smile at Ender. "So don't feel like you have to tell me shit either. Have you seen your sister and your Peter since then either?"

"Yes," Ender said, "My Peter came to visit me last year, and Valentine is coming with me to Shakespeare." He considered Kenzi. "Fearing any relatives showing up for you this semester?"

She eyed him, then offered up, "They'd have to know where I am, for that. I'm pretty sure they wonder, sometimes." She shrugged. "The ones that care can call. I might tell them."

Or, you know. Not.

"Well, Maryland's a long way from Canada," Ender said, "You're probably safe here."

Which was almost touchy, but not quite, and made less so by Kenzi's grin and next remarks. "There's a hundred exits from here. At least for as long as I'd need them. All these worlds. It wouldn't be too hard to find a bolthole." She grinned. "Another reason to like this place. That much easier to, you know. Disappear."

"And if you leave a reputation for yourself in one place, you can always chase ahead to the next," Ender said. Because that was something he understood quite readily himself. "Until you find something worth staying for, anyway."

"That, yeah," Kenzi said slowly. Ender had just put something into words that she hadn't, exactly... articulated to herself. That. Something worth staying for. Was that part of why she was still here? She blinked at Ender, wondering how he got that. Wondering if that was him (maybe it had to be? Unless he was psychic? Maybe he was?), or if he saw it in her? Either way. "That. Not as easy to find, as most people make out."

"Or as straightforward as they do," Ender said.

Most people had such romantic ideas about staying and settling down for the people you loved, or for that single person that made your life better; maybe for a lot of people, it was that straightforward. But Ender had been to Ben's universe, and known he couldn't stay there. Or in Kaeleer, for that matter, or on Fandom.

For a little while, he could stay. But something about these places - maybe the wholeness of them, or something else he couldn't articulate - rang falsely with the parts of him capable of taking root somewhere. Or maybe he didn't have those parts anymore at all.

He doubted Kenzi had exactly those problems, though, so he kept mum on them. "Especially not if you've been wandering for the better part of your life." That was more her experience than his, he thought.

"Yeah." She frowned, looking down at her cold coffee. "Probably it helps to know what you really want, I guess." Ender had a goal, at least; and maybe it would work out, and maybe it wouldn't, but he'd be going to Planet Shakespeare after graduation, and that was something to move toward. She twisted the cup in her hands, not liking having to think that far ahead. Two years.

Oh, it was too long. Who knew what would happen by then? She shrugged, mostly to herself. Poor people planned for a month; rich people planned for their grandkid's graduation, wasn't that how it went? But it wasn't just rich/poor. It was... "I kinda envy the superpower people here," she said, thinking aloud. "They can guess what they can and can't do, when they're so unique. The rest of us just have to figure it out without any clues."

Edited 2011-09-08 06:59 (UTC)

"I think most of them don't have it that easy, either," Ender said. "They might know - or figure out - what they can and can't do - though even that's a difficult process for anyone. But most of them aren't truly sure of what they want to do with it. Most of them have fairytale images of doing good, of saving and caring for people, but most of them also don't really know what it means, or where they should do it, or for whom."

Second Floor Common Room, Wednesday Afternoon

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