The Roof, Tuesday Afternoon

[endsthegame]

In the years before his trip to Ben's universe, Ender had often been drawn up here: to the roof, where he could have the best view of the weather, or of the stars. It had been a long time since he'd been, too busy with one thing or another, then too distracted by Ben and recent developments. But it had just been a matter of time.

He was leaning on the divider that kept him from tumbling off, staring up at the sky. Thinking. It had been a long time since he'd heard from anyone in Ben's galaxy. He hoped Alai had not carried through their plans yet - he had no intention of getting anyone stuck over there. More importantly, though, he thought about the future again.

It was really easy to get sucked back into the present right now. To pretend everything would be the same. At the same time, he couldn't; Ender just didn't feel equipped for that kind of thinking. It smacked too much of contentment, a quality he had yet to discover in himself. Some parts of his life were good-- others kept reminding him of the road ahead, and of how little this planet felt like home any longer.

He wondered if it would always be like that. Who am I, that I don't know my home?

"Oh, good," Jane whispered in his ear via the Bluetooth. "I had been wondering when your brain was going to jump right back to morbid, and here you are, bemoaning the fate of-- what is it, this time?"

"I'm not bemoaning anything," Ender said. "But it's November now, and MinCol still hasn't told me whether the ship will be ready to go in May, or whether I'll have to wait it out until September. Either way, we're now well over the year mark."

"Ticket to brood?" Jane asked. "There's nothing you can do about it, you know."

"I know," he said. "And I don't really want to. I'd like to avert some of the consequences - but then again, don't all men, when they make big decisions in spite of their nearest and dearest?"

"You're not actually fifty, you know. I'm pretty sure you humans are only supposed to dwell like that when you're decrepit."

Ender snorted softly. "I think most humans dwell like that every now and again," he said. "Maybe that's why alcohol is so popular - it does dull your upper brain functions."

"And then you wake up with a wax in the morning. Disgusting," Jane said. "But I don't know why you keep coming back to this time and time again, even though it's your own choice and it's inevitable. It's like an addiction for you, isn't it?"

"I'm human, Jane. Don't fault me for it."

"I can fault whoever I like," she replied. "The not-faulting is your specialty. I wouldn't dare follow in your footsteps."

Ender sighed, and shook his head. "It doesn't matter," he said. "I need to find her a home."

"And how about you, mr. Broodypants?"

"Me?" Ender asked, glancing up at the skies. "Maybe the space lanes are my home. Or maybe I'll die before I get old - it's too early to speculate."

"And still you do."

"And still I do. So please don't thwart me in my futility. I'm not sure I could take it."

[[ conversation under the cut NFB, but post is open! ]]

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[momslilassassin]

Ben wandered up to the roof a little while later, two cups of hot cider in his hands. "Ho, kreetle," he said quietly. "Long time since I've found you up here."

[endsthegame]

"I just thought I'd get some air," Ender said, glancing over his shoulder. "It'll be winter soon enough."

[momslilassassin]

Ben handed him the other cup of cider and joined him in looking out across the island. "Not a bad view from here at all," he admitted.

[endsthegame]

Ender took the cup, warming his hands with it. "No," he agreed. He took a sip. "It's not."

[momslilassassin]

"What's on your mind?" Ben asked, nudging his shoulder into Ender's.

[endsthegame]

"Nothing really new or important," Ender said, glancing at him. "Same old, same old."

[momslilassassin]

"You've got a lot of same old to choose from, kreetle," Ben said. "Point me in a general direction?"

[endsthegame]

"Have you heard from home yet?" Ender asked.

It was... a little in the direction of what he'd been thinking about. But not really.

[momslilassassin]

"No," Ben said, not hiding the worry in his voice.

[endsthegame]

Ender nodded to himself. "Of course not," he murmured. He looked up. "Do we know exactly where your father was when comms cut off?"

[momslilassassin]

"Heading into the Maw with a fleet of Sith," Ben replied.

[endsthegame]

"But it can't just be a Maw cut-off, or we'd be able to reach Coruscant," Ender said. "I'm really hoping this is just a Portalocity screw-up."

[momslilassassin]

Ben nodded. "They were pretty hiccupy when I was trying to get to you," he replied, "but I was chalking that up to them being mean to me."

[endsthegame]

"Have you tried calling their reps about it yet?" Ender asked.

[momslilassassin]

"I kind of made a few of them cry before," Ben said, looking a little guilty.

[endsthegame]

"So apologize," Ender suggested. "That goes a long way."

[momslilassassin]

"I wasn't really sorry at the time," Ben replied.

[endsthegame]

"You're sorry now," Ender pointed out. "So no time like the present."

And they had neatly steered away from half of what he'd really been thinking about.

[momslilassassin]

"Maybe," Ben agreed. He nudged into Ender's shoulder again. "Somehow I doubt you came up here to think about my issues with Portalocity."

[endsthegame]

"Not entirely," Ender admitted, "But it's a part of it. I'm trying to help, but they're not making it easy on me."

[momslilassassin]

"I appreciate it," Ben said softly. "Anything from your universe yet?"

[endsthegame]

"Nothing besides the usual," Ender said, shaking his head. "They're still not sure when they're going to be done outfitting the ship - trying to incorporate some new tech and hitting a few snags."

[momslilassassin]

"You're getting restless," Ben surmised. "Want to take a trip this weekend?"

[endsthegame]

Ender exhaled. "We are due for one, aren't we?"

[momslilassassin]

"We are," he agreed with a little smile. "I think it'll do you good. We can take the ship and not have to deal with Travelocity much at all."