5th Floor Common Room, Friday afternoon

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

Just a few weeks left in Fandom and still so much for Bruce to do. He'd spent many sleepless nights over the course of the semester mapping out sketchy places on the mainland where he could pick fights for some group fight practice - warehouses that served as bases for gangs, unruly bars, a couple dark alleys... - where he wouldn't be causing any issues that didn't already exist. Well, aside from broken furniture, perhaps, some broken faces, and maybe broken crime rings. He'd have to play it smart, but maybe with a little help he could get some good training in.

Of course, plotting this out only worked while there were no distractions. And there on the TV was a terribly compelling movie called, simply, All Animals vs. All Humans. Normally Bruce could have ignored this kind of science fiction animal attack movie, but the concept seemed compelling. All animals versus all humans? The stakes were high. And he happened to look up during a scene in which a duckbilled platypus venomous-foot-spurred a man to death. And how could anyone look away while that was happening?

Planning be damned, there was a giraffe on the screen now, and she looked angry. Bruce was hooked.

[OOC: What has two thumbs and got out of work early so he decided to post a CR like three hours earlier than he would usually be able to and based it around a Hodgman reference? THIS GUY.]

Comments

[shestheworst.livejournal.com]

"That," Britta commented, plopping down on the couch after grabbing a baggy of celery sticks and a few packets of mustard from the fridge, "is one angry giraffe."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I'm just waiting to see how it attacks," Bruce said. "I figure it has to pick people up with its teeth and then just drop them to their deaths."

"I never thought I'd end up thinking about something like that. Movie magic."

[shestheworst.livejournal.com]

"I bet it's just pissed because humans keep destroying its natural habitat," Britta noted, snapping into a celery stick. "Giraffes are really gentle creatures, but that's just what happens when another species thinks it's better than all the others and keeps pushing and pushing and pushing. Mayhem. Attacking giraffes. What's next, chipmunk uprising? Titmouse terror? Maybe even the sloths will rise up and smack us all down with their creepy long fingers."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"The sloth thing happened twenty minutes ago. It was less creepy than you'd think," Bruce mentioned.

[shestheworst.livejournal.com]

Britta eyed Bruce for a moment to judge whether he was messing with her, her eyes narrowed, but, considering what was on the screen now...

She shook her head. "Animals are going to take over the world some day, mark my words," she said. "Or, well, take it back, I should say. And I, for one, will welcome our cute, furry, quadrupedal overlords."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"You wouldn't welcome them for very long," Bruce said. "If the animals did revolt en masse, most of us would be dinner pretty quickly."

Bruce would survive, of course. He had some ideas for how to fight back against an animal revolution, and had a few wild animal fights under his belt already.

[shestheworst.livejournal.com]

"They'll know their friends," Britta said confidently with a nod. "And, if not, well, then, I can't think of a better way to die than in the chaos that ensues when humanity is brought down to its knees as Nature reasserts herself and claims back what is rightfully hers."

"No, scratch that. I can't think of any better way to die than in the chaos of anything bringing the evil powers down their knees and reasserting its freedom."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I can. Of old age, peacefully in my sleep, surrounded by loved ones," Bruce said. "But I may just be a gentle soul."

[shestheworst.livejournal.com]

And Britta was just going to shake her head in disappointment at you, Bruce, for a moment anyway, before the look turned sympathetic.

"It's okay," she said. "We need gentle souls in the world, too, otherwise, what would we all be dying for in the first place?"

[wasthecuteone]

Petra came into the common room carrying a couple of bottles of nail polish, and observed as she flopped down in a chair, "Wow, that giraffe looks pissed."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I'm not sure I'd ever seen a murderously angry giraffe before, either," Bruce said. "Now I know what to look out for."

[wasthecuteone]

"They usually look so sweet, too," Petra observed. "Those long eyelashes."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"That's how they trick you. But now you know better," Bruce said. "Whatever you do, never let yourself get attacked by a fictional giraffe."

[wasthecuteone]

"I will definitely do that," Petra told him. "I'll try to avoid getting attacked by any real ones, either. And you should do the same."

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I don't know. I bet I could take one in a fight if I really had to," Bruce mused.

He would go for the knees. Obviously.

[wasthecuteone]

Petra considered the screen for a moment, then concluded, "You'd go for the legs, of course. Or if you had time to prepare some kind of wire trap up at strangling height." Look, she had experience with the wildlife trying to kill her.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

Bruce was fairly impressed by that response. "I'm not sure about a strangling trap to cut off air supply will work very well thanks to how long it takes oxygen to get to a giraffe's heart in the first place, but that should be a good way of trapping it for a while."

"Realistically, I think you'd only need to take out one leg. Gravity should do the rest."

[wrongkindofsith]

Cara was avoid the gym for the next few days for...reasons. Which left few options for places which weren't her room. "What's with the giant blotchy deer?"

No, she had no idea what a giraffe was.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"I's a giraffe. And it's killing people for no clearly specified reason that made the final cut of the film," Bruce said.

[wrongkindofsith]

Cue Cara trying to catch a glimpse of the giraffe's teeth. "So it's not going to eat them?"

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"No, it's an herbivore," Bruce said.

[wrongkindofsith]

"And they didn't go into its territory or threaten its young?" Cara ran through the reasons a herbivore might attack a person rather than just running away.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Nope. All animals are just attacking all humans," Bruce said. "And yes, that includes insects."

[wrongkindofsith]

"But that doesn't make sense." You'd think by now Cara would have accepted that sense and television narratives didn't always go together.

[willbethenight.livejournal.com]

"Not really," Bruce said. "But it's not really a movie that cares about logic."