fandomhighdorms | Locker 327, mid-morning

Yzma didn't have to wait long for someone else to be in the same boat.

The locker door flung open and Jack Carter was spat out at high velocity. He bounced off the wall on the opposite side and landed on his face. Jack's reaction was immediate.

“FARGO!”

Well the shouting was useless because the locker door snapped closed right behind him.

Jack stomped around in a comical hissy-fit for a few seconds before realizing exactly where he was.

“Oh. Come. ON! FANDOM?! Are you kidding me?!”

He let out a sigh and shook his head. “Last time I ever let Fargo press a button in front of me.”

Yzma gave the man her most charming smile. (It wasn't that charming.) "Indeed," she agreed. "Meanwhile, I pulled the lever to my own destruction! I don't even know why we have that lever."

Jack did a double take looking at the... yeah, okay that was a really creepy smile. Levers? There were levers? Thank God, Fargo didn't have access to levers. Jack was fidgeting, pulling his hair for a second or two before one word got through his thick skull.

"Wait! Destruction?" Jack asked suddenly looking worried. "There's not a whole reality eating fog out there is there? Because MAN I do not want to do that again!"

He tried to get his bearings. Where was that weird special collections place, again? Because if there was the Nothing happening again he was going straight there...

Yzma waved her hand. "Nothing so dire," she assured him. "I merely did not wish to be here today. I had a very important meeting to attend!"

Not really.

Jack took a step back.

Seriously. This woman was creepy. He did not want to know about the important meeting.

"Did you go to school here?" he asked carefully. "Or did you just randomly show up?"

Because if so he may blame ALL of this on Fargo.

Okay, he would but he'd be less yelly.

"I used to mold young minds!" she exclaimed. "I taught Management Theories!"

Feel free to judge the hell out of the school board.

Jack had GLaDOS as a teacher and spent one semester doing radio with Madrox. He had already judged the school board many many times.

"And I'm sure you did a very good job," he said diplomatically.

He was also looking for the nearest exit.

That was the effect Yzma had on most men, honestly.

"I was amazing at it. Ask anyone!" She threw her hands up and a crack of thunder accompanied her pronouncement.

Those things happened around Yzma.

Jack didn't exactly duck for cover, but he certainly flailed and covered his head before realizing he wasn't going to be struck by lightning.

"Okay, can we not blow up the hallway with storms?" he said with a twitch. "I'm sure you were very good but I'd rather not be struck with lightning."

Yzma sniffed. "You have no flair for the dramatic."

"Yeah, I'm pretty boring that way," Jack quipped. "Not so much with the burning alive thing. I like that kind of non-drama."

"How did you ever survive here?" Yzma demanded.

"I ran. A lot. And somehow never got eaten alive," he admitted. "Running is really good way to avoid the weird."

Why he wasn't running now? He had no good idea.

"But it is impossible when you are wearing fabulous shoes," Yzma told him.

The locker door BURST open once again and a gigantic blue... probably a man stepped out.

"Breathe in deep, friends. What's that you smell? LEARNING. Maybe it's not as potent as it would be other days, since this is the weekend... but it's there. BREATHE DEEP AND LET THE LEARNING IN THROUGH YOUR NOSTRILS AND INTO YOUR BRAIN! But it's not just book learning that happens here. No, some of that learning smell is going to take a detour and hit you here." The Tick pounded his chest mightily, like Celine Dion. "And if you've been around the block as many times as I have, you'd know that nothing smells harder and better than the heart. That ole' factory of emotions is getting to me right now, because of memories."

"Fandom High! The Tick is back to visit you! Open up your big, smelly hearts and give your old Dean a hug!"

Jack just sort of stood there for a moment looking at the man in a giant blue suit.

"Yep. I'm definitely back in Fandom," he quipped.

He was so not in a hugging mood. Sorry Tick.

"Yes, you are, chum!" The Tick said. "I know for sure because it's on that banner over there."

And yes. There was a banner. One that was RIGHT behind Jack and he could have noticed if had bothered to.

"Oh. Right. The banner," he said said turning around. "Because of course there's a banner. Along with a crazy woman and a guy in a blue suit."

Forgive Jack. He was prepared to deal with Eureka-weird today. Not Fandom-weird.

"Don't worry, chum, you'll be fine. You're here for the reunion, I'd imagine?" The Tick checked. "I'm The Tick, one-time Dean of Students, and I know this town like the back of my hand, if my hand were stuck in a cookie jar for several years. Sure, maybe I haven't seen it in a while. But I remember what it looks like. And I can feel it. CAN YOU FEEL IT, CHUM? FANDOM IS ALL AROUND US!"

His antennae were also moving, suggesting that they felt it, too.

Dean of Students. Wow. Okay. Honestly? This guy? Way less intimidating than Skywalker.

And his mood was infectious. Even if the antennae moving thing was a little weird.

"Jack Carter," he said by way of introduction. "Former student and metaphorical punching bag for weird things. And yeah... I can feel it. It's all around us."

He let out a long sigh.

"And hopefully it would try to out-weird us."

Granted meeting Tick and Yzma first was a great way to start off with weird.

"Well, Jack, welcome back," The Tick said. "And don't forget, in Fandom, everything is weird for most people almost all of the time. Personally, I never found it too different than my regular life, but to each their own."

"Very well!" Yzma said, giving him her most ~~terrifying~~ ingratiating smile and leaning in, boobs first, to give the Tick a hug.

"See? Some people appreciate the power of a hug from a stranger, asked for and delivered," The Tick said. "I'm The Tick! Former Dean of Students here, and I taught a class or several. And who, faithful hugger, are you?"

"I am Yzma!" she declared, throwing her hands up as thunder crashed. "I taught management techniques."

The Tick considered the thunder. "Were these evil management techniques?"

"Nooooooooo?" Yzma tried.

"Is that secretly a yes that you're trying to pass off as a no by stretching it out?" The Tick asked. "Come on, chum, be honest."

"Well, most of the students weren't very evil," she said, sounding perturbed.

"Now, now, I'm not judging you. That's a job for a judge, not a superhero/former administrator at a school," The Tick said. "Just stay on the right side of Justice over the next couple days and you'll stay on the right side of... THE TICK!"

Yzma gave him her brightest smile. "...even if someone is being very annoying?"

"Especially then!" The Tick said. "That's when true mettle is tested. Forge that mettle into Armor of Patience! Becomee a less evil you! At least for the weekend!"

"I will try!" Yzma declared, throwing her hands back up. There was more thunder because of course there was.

"That's all I can ask," The Tick said. He was no Yoda. Noda.

Harper still held a little bit of a grudge against Portalocity and wouldn't have willingly entered a portal. Besides, she told herself she was too busy planning her wedding to head back to Fandom for an event.

Sadly, she hadn't planned on the portal catching up with her while she was trying on wedding dresses. One moment, she was trying on her 5th dress (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/353391901988294297/) (which was very pretty, but it just didn't seem to match the vision of what she wanted). But when she stepped out of the dressing room to show the dress to her mother and Alex, she found herself stepping through Locker 327 and into a familiar-looking hallway.

"Oh crap!"

"No, I am Yzma!" Yzma proclaimed.

"I'm Harper. Is this Fandom? Because I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be in New York City," said Harper, gathering up her dress so she didn't trip on it as she stepped away from the locker.

"This is Fandom," Yzma agreed, not sounding pleased about it.

"So if the portal brought me to Fandom, I should hopefully be able to get a portal out of here and back to New York," said Harper as she started to pace up and down the hallway. "It's just a matter of getting the right portal at the right time. The last time I relied on Portalocity for my travel arrangements, I had the world's longest layover clocking in at nearly three years."

Yzma blinked. "...but that does not concern me," she finally replied. "I do not want to go to New York."

Not the point, Yzma.

Sluuuurp. Slither.

Slash crash BANG! The door slammed open and Illyria rolled out and into the hallway in a relatively graceful somersault.

Relatively being the operative word, hampered as she was by a long green tentacle wrapped around her left leg. She managed to make it upright with some level of dignity still intact, so she chose to call it graceful. In her head. Out loud, she chose only to say, "I said STAY," while she tapped the tentacle none too gently with the battle-ax she was carrying.

"∀∂∃ ∅∇ ∈∉∋∇∇ ∏ ∑#8719#8719#8719∇∇∇∇∇!!" echoed out of the locker.

"I do not require your protection here," she answered, her voice losing a bit of irritation when she realized it wasn't just being sulky. "You can help me best by remaining in the gateway to prevent the entry of any entities planning harm to this dimension."

"∑∑∑∑ ∃∃∀∂ ∅∇∃∃∃∃ ∈∉∋∏?" The tentacle uncoiled from her leg, but still poked and waved uncertainly from the gaping black void inside the locker.

If your brain was complex enough to comprehend the interdimensional impossibilities of such a condition without going completely bug-shagging crazy, you might almost believe that Illyria's reply contained something resembling fondness. "Yes, Pancakes, I'll bring you a treat."

"∃∀∂∑∑∑∑ ∃ ∃∃∅∇∃∃ ∉∋∉∋∉∋ ∈∉∋∏∉∋∉ ∋∉∋∉∋?"

Eyeroll. Wide blue eyeroll. "Yes, the ones with the sprinkles. Now, go."

Locker 327, mid-morning

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