The Roof, Wednesday evening

[tigerundercover]

Raven had a very light schedule in the middle of the week these days -- which was good, because it turned out that taking correspondence courses was much more work than she'd expected. She'd totally thought Kathy was just extra-nerdy! But Raven had to keep on top of her online classes constantly if she wanted to keep her grades up, and no way was she going to tell Kathy she was failing.

It seemed like most of what Raven did was so she didn't have to tell someone she cared about that she was failing.

She'd spent most of the day inside studying -- anatomy especially was hard! All those latin names! Why did humans have to have so many bones? -- and as night fell, decided she needed a break and headed for the roof. It was gorgeous out, pleasantly breezy on Raven's scales, and she lounged against the edge of the garden area and looked out over the lights of the town.

Yeah, spending all day inside studying meant she hadn't noticed that this sort of behavior would lead to singing, today.

Ive been the token woman all my life
The token daughter and the token wife
Now I collected tokens one by one
Til Ive saved enough to buy a gun
Now you cant get even but you can get mad
And its not funny no and its not sad
Its just a feeling that Ive always had
Oh look out world Im about to be bad

I want a brief encounter in a stolen car
A hand on my buttock in a Spanish bar
I want to meet the man who wants to go too far
For a token of my affection
I want to taste excitement, smell the danger
Get swept off my feet by the perfect stranger
I want to try something that Ive never had
Oh look out world Im about to be bad

Ive been an awful woman all my life
A dreadful daughter and a hopeless wife
And Ive had my eyes on that carving knife
Oh youve been lucky so far
Im not crazy no Im just mad
I dont want to be sorry, no I want to be glad
Its a feeling inside that I have always had
So look out world Im about to be bad

Well. At least this time she wasn't singing about secretly being an animal.

[one expected, but also emo roof is open!]

Comments

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

Hanna was heading for the roof, humming. Not quite sure what she *was* humming, but...

Forget the bull in the china shop
There's a china doll in the bullpen
Walk with a switch, fire in her fist
Biting at the bit
Swing at every pitch
Coach put me in like

What was this? Hunh. She opened the door and was on the roof, then waved to Raven as she sang.


Forget the bull in the china shop
There's a china doll in the bullpen
It's all in the wrist, fire from the hip
Talk a little shit, roll thick
Whole clique
Let's begin

[tigerundercover]

Raven offered Hanna a smile. "I like it," she said. "Guess it's singing day, huh?"

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"I don't even know what I'm singing," Hanna admitted, looking perplexed. She opened her mouth to say something else, and more came out. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvi3UDQdl7k)

It's been assumed I'm soft or irrelevant
Cause I refuse to down play my intelligence
But in a room of thugs and rap veterans
Why am I the only one
Who's acting like a gentleman
Good form bad taste
Pity what a waste
All that style, not a thing to say
Looks to me like
A little of your true school
Is at the shallow end of the typing pool
All cloak, no dagger
Just smoke and swagger

...Hanna coughed. "I think I heard you singing too?"

[tigerundercover]

"Look out world, I'm about to be bad," Raven sang again with a nod. "This happened once before since I've been here. That time I almost outted myself in front of a whole class." She shook her head. "I wasn't quite so open about being a mutant, then."

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"No?" Hanna asked, curious. "That must have taken some effort. I mean. You said it is like being tense, all of the time..."


They love me, they love me not
Pulling pedals off my bike
You gotta strike while the irony's still hot
No telling what the kids might like
And I love this job, but ah, good god
Sometimes I hate this business

Hanna's voice cut off, and she frowned, tracing a finger over the bricks under her finger. "... maybe I understand this one a little too well."

[tigerundercover]

"That's how it usually works," Raven agreed. "And yeah, it was exhausting. But I was sort of used to it. Back home I was only ever blue while I slept or if I knew it was just going to be me and Charles at home.

"There was a time when my world was filled with darkness, darkness, darkness
And I stopped dreaming now
I'm supposed to fill it up with something, something , something
In your eyes I see the eyes of somebody I knew before long long long ago
But I'm still trying to make my mind up
Am I free or am I tied up?"

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

Hanna shivered, and asked a little plaintively, "Why would the island want us to sing?"

"I hope that your battery's charged
Cause I found this here ladder
Now your ceilings don't matter
Check me out
Now I got glass floors"


"... that sounds exhausting," Hanna admitted, listening to Raven's singing.

[tigerundercover]

Raven shrugged, rolling her eyes. "Why does this island do anything?"

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"I have no idea," Hanna admitted, looking disturbed. Was it commenting on how she couldn't hide being dangerous from herself? That being quiet and liking pretty things did nothing to disguise what she was capable of?

"There will be no consolation prize this time the bone is broken clean
No baptism, no reprise and no sweet taste of victory..."

Hanna looked frustrated and pushed her hands through her hair. "I am going to have to find these songs, tomorrow."

[tigerundercover]

"Make sure to jot down the lyrics. Otherwise you might never find them."

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"All the stars have fallen from the sky and everything else in between
Satellites have closed their eyes, the moon has gone to sleep..."

It was actually kind of pretty. "At least I'm not singing something from a cartoon. Or something obscene."

"Unloved
Unloved..."

Ack.

[tigerundercover]

Raven gave her a sympathetic look.

"Love doesn't discriminate
Between the sinners
And the saints
It takes and it takes and it takes
And we keep loving anyway
We laugh and we cry
And we break
And we make our mistakes."

She reached over to pat Hanna on the shoulder -- but as was Fandom's wont, she then KEPT SINGING.

"And if there's a reason I'm by her side
When so many have tried
Then I'm willing to wait for it
I'm willing to wait for it."

She coughed. "Not . . . that there's any 'she' in particular. . . ."

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"Of course not," Hanna readily agreed. Because, well. Even if there was, why would she call Raven on it? Especially since she hadn't *meant* to hint at that...

"Here I am inside a hotel
Choking on a million words I said
Cigarettes have burned a hole
And dreams are drunk and penniless

Here I am inside my father's arms
All jagged-bone and whiskey-dry
Whisper to me sweetly now
And tell me I will never die...."

"...and that has no significance either. At all."

[tigerundercover]

"Of course not. It's just Fandom, dancing us around like puppets.

"I am the one thing in life I can control,
I am inimitable,
I am an original,
I'm not falling behind or running late,
I'm not standing still,
I am lying in wait!"

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"Hoping that the kindness
Will lead us past the blindness
And not another living soul
Will ever have to feel

Unloved, unloved
Unloved, unloved

Unloved, unloved...."

Hanna paused, realizing the song was over - whew - and said, "You sounded proud of it, there. I think I envy that."

[tigerundercover]

Raven thought about that (and waited to see if she'd sing again). "You know, I think I am." She smiled a little. "Mutant and proud."

"I change shapes just to hide in this place,
but I'm still, I'm still an animal," she sang softly, still smiling.
"Nobody knows it but me when I slip,
Yeah, I slip, I'm still an animal."

She laughed a little. "That's what I sang in class. And then I panicked, started losing control of my shift, and ran to hide in the bathroom."

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"I'm glad you're not hiding now," Hanna said, voice quiet. "Or wanting to." She was quieter for a minute, then said, "This weekend just brought up a lot of things for me."

[tigerundercover]

Raven winced sympathetically. "Anything you want to talk about?"

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"It isn't specific, just so much as... I am very tired of being alone." Unloved. No one who loved her, or knew her, or would even miss her, it felt like sometimes. Except her cat. "I don't know what to do about it. I want to... adopt someone." She laughed at herself. "Or get married. Have a family. Something crazy. To keep me in one place. But I think those are probably terrible ideas."

[tigerundercover]

"Getting married, maybe," Raven said. "But making a family in other ways?" She shook her head. "I don't have any blood relations. I mean, I must have had parents once upon a time, but I don't remember them at all. But I have a brother, because we found each other and decided to be related. And I have people here, like Kathy and Drac -- though he's not around so much these days." She hopped up onto the wall at the edge of the roof and swung her feet. "So why not adopt someone? I think that person would be lucky."

[hexentotchen.livejournal.com]

"I am not sure it is that simple..." Hanna considered though, remembering Sparkle, and that Raven and Kathy were friends, at the very least. "I liked having a roommate. I wish Carmilla had returned. And... maybe I will be a big sister, next time. It can not hurt, can it."

[tigerundercover]

"Definitely not. I made some really good friends that way. It's no guarantee -- my last few I haven't really clicked with -- but it's a lot of fun either way."