Fourth Floor Common Room, Sunday morning

[revengenotebook]

Yesterday had been extremely trying and that was before Paris had moved into a room with the...shark guy.

And to think until this weekend, she'd thought the weirdest person she'd ever met had been Brad Langford--a kid so weak he'd transferred from Chilton to escape her.

But Paris was nothing if not adaptable she lied to herself! So here she was, in front of the television, yelling at the Sunday morning political talk shows, just like this was any other Sunday and not a weekend where she'd seen multiple people with green skin.

[OOC: Oh so open.]

Comments

[intotheout]

Tip heard yelling, and swung by to investigate.

"Wow," she said, when she saw that it was someone watching political television. "I usually try to avoid getting angry at the state of the world until the afternoon, on weekends."

[revengenotebook]

Paris shrugged. "I like to see what the spin of the week is going to be," she said. "Normally there's a set of talking points that everyone's working off of, but I don't recognize most of these people and I'm pretty politically savvy. And are they saying President Trump?"

[intotheout]

Tip sighed and sat down. "Yeeeeeeah. Whatever world this island is attached to is kind of garbage. My world got invaded by aliens and we've still managed not to elect someone that bad."

Tip had once watched a group nearly elect a parrot for their president. And yet. . . .

[revengenotebook]

"Actual aliens? Not just undocumented people from Central America?" Paris checked.

[intotheout]

"I mean, by that definition they could have come from Canada as easily as Mexico," Tip pointed out. "But yeah, from space. First the Boov and then the Gorg. After we kicked them back out, our former president refused to come out of hiding and retake the job." She wrinkled her nose at the TV. "My mom says that the people who want to be president are actually the last ones we want in the job."

[revengenotebook]

"The Boov and the Gorg? Really?" Paris said. "Did they put zero effort into naming themselves?"

[intotheout]

"We basically named our planet 'Dirt'," Tip pointed out. "And one of our big classifications of people is based on a simplified description of their skin tone. Not a whole lot of room to talk."

[revengenotebook]

Paris haaaated being wrong, and she wasn't about to admit to it even now, which was why she changed the subject instead. "I'm Paris. Got here yesterday."

[intotheout]

"I'm Gratuity." Tip smiled. She liked a nice friendly argument. "I've been here a little more than a year now. Nice to meet you."

[revengenotebook]

"I'm down in 420," Paris said, "but please don't make pot jokes. I'm going to Harvard in two years and I don't need any kind of rumors around me and potential drug use."

[intotheout]

"That is some seriously early admission there," Tip said. "I've had a teacher tell me I have a stripper name, you won't get any stupid jokes from me."

[revengenotebook]

"My family's been going to Harvard for ten generations," Paris said. "I have to go, too. And that was a completely inappropriate thing for a teacher to say to you. Not untrue, but still. Inappropriate."

[intotheout]

Huh. Tip wasn't sure she'd ever really met someone who was raised a WASP before.

"Yeah. . . . English wasn't Mom's first language. On the other hand, she is bilingual, so." Tip got to make fun of her mom all she liked. She would preemptively defend her from anyone else, though. "What would happen if you decided to, you know, buck tradition and apply to, like, Oxford? That's supposed to be super respectable too, right? It wouldn't be like you were running away to join a rock band."

[revengenotebook]

Paris's eyes bugged out. "It would be so much worse than running away to join a rock band. It would be like getting a tramp stamp and deciding to become a bus driver. Running off to voluntarily move to Cleveland. No. No, no, no."

[intotheout]

"Isn't it, like, the oldest and most prestigious school in the world?" Tip said. She'd read somewhere that Oxford was around while the Aztecs were still a thing. Harvard was a baby in comparison. "We come from very different worlds."

And that wasn't including the alien invasions.

[revengenotebook]

"But it's not in New England," Paris said. "It's fine for a semester abroad, though."

[intotheout]

"Nooo, it's in old England." Tip shook her head. "Why is being in New England important?"

[revengenotebook]

No one had ever asked Paris that before--because everyone she knew was also a WASP who could trace their family back to the Mayflower or close.

"It's not New England, precisely. It's being the Ivies," she said. "In my house, Yale is considered slumming it."

[intotheout]

Mmmm, elitism.

"And you've never wanted to just say 'screw that' and do you own thing?"

[revengenotebook]

"Of course not," Paris said, looking aghast. "My rebellion was learning Portuguese instead of Spanish."

[intotheout]

"Should have gone with Italian," Tip said. Not that she was biased or anything. "Hope it works out for you. Maybe you can subtly undermine the system from within."

[revengenotebook]

Because nothing said subtle like Paris Geller.

"Oh, I plan on just undermining it," she said.

[intotheout]

"Oh yeah?" Tip said, genuinely interested since this could so easily be read as sarcastic. "What are you going to do?"

[revengenotebook]

"I'm going to go into law. Or medicine. Maybe both," Paris said. "I'll become President eventually. I already wrote to Senator Clinton to get some suggestions about how to run for politics."

Oh, Paris. Bad news there on the whole "Trump's president" front.

[intotheout]

Tip's eyes went ever so slightly wider. "Um," she said. "Well. The first thing might be to figure out how to make sure Russia doesn't hack the election against you."

[revengenotebook]

"WHAT?!" Paris screeched.

[intotheout]

"Yep. And the republicans managed to stack enough decks in the 2010 census that the federal government has barely even gotten around to investigating that properly yet."

[revengenotebook]

"Are you kidding me?!"

Sorry, everyone else on this floor.

[intotheout]

Tip shook her head. "Trump was openly endorsed by neo-nazis and members of the KKK." Did she sound salty? She was extremely salty. And dry as a salt flat. "Honestly, the Boov were better. And they decided to move the entire human population of North America to Arizona."

[revengenotebook]

"Why Arizona?" Paris asked.

[intotheout]

"They were going to go with Florida at first, but then they decided they really liked oranges."

Sorry, Paris. That was the best she could do.

[revengenotebook]

"Not enough to elect one," Paris muttered, glaring at the television.

[intotheout]

"Nope, even the Boov are smarter than that," Tip agreed. "And they seriously considered electing a parrot."

[revengenotebook]

"Any chance we can get the parrot in this timeline?" Paris asked. "Because seriously."

[intotheout]

"I'm still hoping they manage to replace him with someone who, you know, actually knows how to govern." Pence didn't count. "But barring that . . . maybe?"

[revengenotebook]

"With the way they lie, they could tell us all that the parrot is Donald Trump and we'd all pretend to believe them," Paris said.

[intotheout]

"I get the feeling a lot of his constituency isn't even pretending. They're just that dumb."

[revengenotebook]

"Stay in school, kids," Paris said, rolling her eyes.

[intotheout]

"And also don't actually believe what your teachers or textbooks tell you."

[revengenotebook]

Paris nodded. "Critical reading skills are essential," she agreed with a glare towards the television. "Not just yelling fake news."

[intotheout]

"Well, I mean. You can literally just take whatever he says the other side is doing as a confession for what his is up to. So yelling 'fake news' is at least a little useful."

[revengenotebook]

"I know actual toddlers who are less work than this guy," Paris muttered.

[intotheout]

"They probably have better manners and are at least passingly familiar with the concept of sharing, too."

[revengenotebook]

Paris laughed. "I have to laugh or else I'm going to end up screaming," she explained.

[intotheout]

"Welcome to this world's version of 2017. There's plenty of people online who post videos doing both."