fandomhighdorms | Second Floor Common Room, Monday evening

Jim wandered out to the common room with a bowl of candy - which included a few Canary Creams from the joke shop mixed in there - and turned on the second night of the season premiere of 60. There might be dead terrorists on the screen and there might be people turning into giant birds in the common room. No matter what, Jim figured he was going to be entertained tonight.

He couldn't help but wonder who was playing the one guy. "I know I've seen him in something. Oh! Wait! The stoner movie! The guy from the White Castle movie!" Jim was way too excited about figuring that out.

[OOC: Open as a common room tends to be. There are a handful of Canary Creams in the candy bowl. If you want to eat one, feel free. You'll be a giant canary for the span of a comment or so. And 60 is, of course, 24. Unless somebody directs me to a different meta for it.

Also, I'm American. I didn't know about any Australian politicians named John Howard. But ~~meta-Bauer has a slight Australian accent~~ Australia has a meta-Bauer accent because of it, okay?]

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"It was driving me insane yesterday. Oh, Jim Halpert. That's me," Jim said. He was slightly distracted by the show, okay?

That was okay, Peter was distracted too. "This guy's doing pretty good for someone who's been dead... how many times so far? Five?"

"Only four. He was faking that one time," Jim said. "Okay, I don't know how you fake a flatline, but if I did, I'd do it all the time."

"Well you know killing him doesn't make him dead," Peter said. "Just makes him angry."

"For every death the terrorists inflict upon him, he kills fifty of them," Jim agreed. "It's a delicate balance that they should know not to mess with by now."

"I hear there were originally five Horsemen of the Apocalypse," Peter said. "John Howard said he would travel by foot."

"Only until he got bored with walking and horse-jacked War," Jim said. "That way he could kill more terrorists faster."

"Well when life hands John Howard lemons John kills terrorists," Peter said. "He hates lemonade."

"I heard that this one time, a terrorist pointed out that John Howard's shoe was untied, so John thanked the terrorist for pointing it out, removed the shoelace, and strangled the terrorist for it," Jim said. "He never lets a kind act from a terrorist go unpunished."

"I heard the 2007 budget for the US Military covers John Howard, two guns, and four billion rounds of amunition," Peter said.

"Some people think that given enough time, John Howard could take out all of the terrorists in the world single-handedly," Jim said. "They're wrong. He just needs a pinky finger and even that's overkill."

"John Howard once killed so many terrorists that at one point the #5 CIA most wanted fugitive was an 18 year old in Malaysia who'd illegally downloaded a copy of Space Battles," Peter said.

"Three days later, #3 was a guy who hadn't even been born yet. John Howard invented time travel, went forward in time to kill him, came back to the present, and then he killed time travel so nobody could misuse it," Jim said.

"Just goes to show that no matter how you die, the last thing you see will be John Howard," Peter said.

"Death actually gave up and let John Howard have his job. It was easier that way," Jim said.

"Makes sense," Peter said. "We all know that if we wake up in the morning it's only because John Howard spared our lives."

"That's why terrorism doesn't pay," Jim said.

"That and all money says 'In John Howard We Trust'."

"Which used to causes trouble in Australia," Jim said. "So John Howard went to Australia, killed the Prime Minister, and declared himself king."

"You know John doesn't have an Australian accent," Peter said. "Austraila has a John Howard accent."

"Kangaroos have pouches because John Howard was in the Outback and needed someplace to keep his guns," Jim said.

"Remember when Alligator Dunlee did his whole 'that's a knife' routine?" Peter asked. "John Howard immediately broke his knees and demanded to know who he was working for."

"When the guy with the giant boomerang in the Crazy Carl movie threw it at John Howard, the boomerang came back because it was scared," Jim said.

"The only reason water flows backwards down there is because John Howard told it to."

"The dodo is extinct because John Howard thought it looked stupid," Jim said.

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