Third Floor Common Room, Wednesday Afternoon

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

It had taken a few moments to figure out the DVD player, but Merlin did as he was told and just pushed buttons until it worked. It was a surprisingly good method.

He sat back, ready to watch this porno thing that Emmett had said would be interesting.

And in the first five minutes, he couldn't quite understand the draw of this sort of entertainment. It was only like Morgana and Gwen in the fact that they looked vaguely similar. The way they talked and the room they were in certainly didn't look like any castle he'd ever seen. And, really, those dresses were just terribly impractical for a lady or a servant. They must be terribly cold--

Merlin's eyes went very big as the dress issue was solved and they ladies started kissing. The only sound he made was the verbal equivalent of a keysmash.

[[Open like a common room where a wizard is being scarred for life is!]]

Comments

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

Merlin just glared. "You can watch it all then! I won't be!"

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"Oh, come on, now, Merlin," Cal said, moving from the doorway and plopping onto one of the chairs. "And miss such a great educational experience? I mean, look at that!" He gestured toward the very slowly moving fingering of certain crevices. "You can see everything."

You know that theory that kids who were abused were more likely to become bullies?

Same thing sort of worked with kids who had to sit and watch porn as education.

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

Merlin was completely horrified now. Oh, the verbal keysmashing was in fine form tonight.

There just weren't words for this.

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"It's all completely natural, Merlin," Cal said, waving a hand and directly quoting from the good Doctor. "It's okay to look."

There was a pause.

"Well, okay, those boobs are definitely not natural."

He knew the fake ones from the real ones way too well.

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

Merlin looked alarmed for a moment, peering at them now. "Not natural?"

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"Big giant fakes," Cal said with a nod, and then held out his hand. "Let me see the remote."

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

Merlin didn't so much give up the remote as watch himself hand it over without even realizing he was doing so.

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"And don't worry," Cal assured him. "It's totally science, not magic."

He then waited for a good moment and paused. "Okay. You see how the one girl is laying back, but her breasts still look like great, tall, bulbous mountains?"

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

Merlin nodded slowly. Though they looked more like hills to him...

"Yes?"

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"Real boobs that size would not do that," Cal said. "Remember that gravity thing we talked about? You tell me: where's the gravity in this picture?"

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

"...Huh." Merlin just nodded slowly. "Perhaps she's just very lucky?"

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"No woman is that lucky in the face of gravity," Cal assured Merlin with the utmost of confidence. You didn't live with Desdemona Stephanides without having to hear all about that sort of thing.

Or strippers and transvestites, either, for that matter.

"I'm not sure if they're silicon or some other newer thing since my time, but they actually shove in these fake packages of gel into a woman's chest to make them like that."

Mmmm, plastic surgery.

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

"How on earth would they do that?" Merlin asked. "She not wearing anything for that to help."

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"Dude," Cal said, "they shove it under the skin." He held a hand cupped at his chest while the other, bladed, jammed up into the space between chest and hand.

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

"...Why?!"

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"To fight against gravity!" Cal informed him. "It makes the breast all round and eternally perky, which they think men would much rather like to see. And some men would."

There was a slight pause, wondering if he should even touch on the travestite side of things.

Slow steps at a time, he decided.

He shrugged.

[bigdamndestiny.livejournal.com]

"That's horrible! Wouldn't that be painful for those poor women?"

[not-a-mused.livejournal.com]

"Oh," Cal nodded, "incredibly so. Especially if the procedure doesn't take."