Third Floor Common Room: Thursday Afternoon

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

Done with classes for the week, Dor had slept in late and skipped breakfast entirely and missing lunch to boot.

So he found himself down at the common room with a large bowl of cereal where he sat and chatted with the furniture.

"Boy," he said with his mouth partially full of chocolate frosted sugar bombs. "People were sure cranky about the fire alarm last night."

The objects in the room all chuckled. "Well everyone's a bit more frustrated than usual these days," the chair mentioned and all the objects burst into laughter.

"Oh?" Dor asked innocently. "Why is that?"

"Because everyone is a little... frustrated. If you know what I mean," the lamp replied.

"Um. No," Dor said. "I don't. What do you mean?"

All the objects paused in the room and then died of laughter.

"What's so funny?" Dor asked.

"Nobody is getting any action," the sofa replied. "Do you know what I mean by that?"

Dor frowned. "No. What are you talking about?"

And the sofa began to tell a story. A story about a vampire and a girl in black leather pants. And the sofa's role in this particular story. And the actions that happened on said sofa.

In graphic detail

Dor should have left the room. He should have run. But the words just kept coming from the sofa and he just stared horrified as his innocence began to disappear in a few moments of Vampire/Alien raunchiness.

It didn't help that the other objects in the room started making rauchy sounds while the refrigerator hummed a porn soundtrack.

[Open! The couch is telling the NSFW story linked above from the way early days of FH. Dor's magic allows anyone to hear the story and all the sound effects the furniture are making.]

Comments

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

Mac was looking for coffee (since her common room seemed to be lacking the good stuff). She was not looking to hear about someone else's sex life, and definitely not in this much detail.

She stopped dead in the doorway.

"... It's like walking in on an invisible orgy," she said after a second. It was the sound effects that gave that impression.

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

Dor's face was red as a beet as he tried to stop the furniture from talking. "I asked the couch a question and it won't stop!" He flailed.

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

"What did you ask to get this?"

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"It said something about 'action'," Dor babbled. "I didn't know what it meant!"

The lamp on the other hand did know as it was doing a pretty good impression of the girl in the scenario.

Dor groaned and started to massage his temples. "Oh, please stop."

Unfortunately for Dor they just continued.

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

"... That is definitely some kind of action," she said, looking horrified at the noise coming from the lamp.

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

Dor let out a groan as he tried to shush the furniture. Unfortunately his own anxiety was affecting his powers so they only got louder.

"And they won't stop!" He cried out in despair

[imac-kenzie.livejournal.com]

"Bribery!" Mac suggested immediately. Always full of bright ideas. "Can you bribe them with something?"

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"I don't know!" He flailed. "They only want to make this noise!"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Dor," Jeff said, without any kind of preamble whatsoever, stormed into the common room, and tried to hug him. Desperately. "IT'S THE END TIMES."

He hadn't even noticed the talking.

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"I didn't mean to do it!" Dor flailed.

Because Doe wasn't aware of any other problems going on.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Neither did I!" Jeff exclaimed to the wind, "It's just begun expanding and soon enough, no pants will be safe! Anywhere!"

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"But I didn't do anything to the pants!" Dor wailed. "Did I say something wrong to them?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"...Did you speak to my pants?" Jeff asked him, and now he was ineffectually clawing at his collar. "Make them stop!"

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"You mean your pants are talking to you?" Dor almost shouted. "I didn't tell them to talk! What did they say?"

Unfortunately for Dor and Jeff that's when the pants did start talking.

"WE CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! THE CLOSET! THE SOCK GAP! MAKE HIM STOP! MAKE HIM STOP!"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"..."

Jeff scrambled back, poking at his trousers. "I said talk to my pants!" he declared, "Oh god, my trousers hate me, this is like that dream I had with the deer and the porn videos!"

[likes-chicken.livejournal.com]

Hurley was walking by the common room, when he heard the tale the couch was recounting.

He bug-eyed, then ducked away from the door framed.

Quietly, Hurley peeked into the room, listening intently. Just to be sure he wasn't interrupting someone's... private time.

"Dude, what the..."

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"I didn't mean to do it!" Dor exclaimed.

[likes-chicken.livejournal.com]

"Oh man," Hurley said, entering the common room. "I... both don't and do want to know how you started this."

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"I just asked a simple question!" Dor said holding his hands up. "I swear! That was it!"

[likes-chicken.livejournal.com]

"...It didn't involve the words 'birds' or 'bees', did it?" Hurley asked.

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"It involved 'action'," Dor said meekly.

[likes-chicken.livejournal.com]

"...oh man, that's just low of the couch," Hurley said. "I'm sorry, dude."

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

Jack was wandering around, wondering if people in other common rooms had food cooking.


That was not the sounds of food cooking. "What the...?"

[talks2objects.livejournal.com]

"I didn't mean to!"

That was becoming Dor's catchphrase.

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

"Didn't mean to what?!"
Oh, this was so not good.