Anakin Skywalker's Excruciatingly Thorough Guide to Sex Ed [Monday evening, after kiddies have gone]

[sith_happened]

As Anakin had mentioned in the handwavy email he had sent to students' email accounts, sometimes unplanned children couldn't be blamed on a portal or Fandom weirdness.

So he was in the front of his classroom with a series of beyond thorough pamphlets on contraception, abstinence, and pictures of STDs. Artoo had been given free rein to find as many horrifying educational videos on the subject. He was rocking back and forth in giddy anticipation of scarring educating the local population.

Anakin had slapped on a sign on the door welcoming people to the seminar:

I AM TOO HOT TO BE A GREAT-GRANDFATHER

And other reasons why children should remain hypothetical for a long, LONG time

(Skywalker presence mandatory)

This should go well. Really. 

Comments

Come in and mingle!

[sith_happened]

There are only so many seats at the back of the class, after all. You'd hate to be in the front for this.

Re: Come in and mingle!

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke was here, blushing to his hairline and hating everything. He found a seat as close to the door as possible and was trying to avoid eye contact.

Re: Come in and mingle!

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

Going to the seminar was like ripping off a band-aid. Had John pretended he didn't get the email like he really wanted to, it just would've hurt worse later.

Re: Come in and mingle!

[vkandis-son.livejournal.com]

Karal hadn't actually gotten the email (he avoided computers at the best of times) but he thought he might have left a notebook in Anakin's classroom, and since he was leaving tomorrow, he thought he'd best retrieve it.

Now he was just standing and staring in mingled horror and amazement.

Re: Come in and mingle!

[intraspective]

...

...

Ino? Was practically killing herself with laughter. Oh come on, like she'd miss this!

Re: Come in and mingle!

[lilpunkinbelly.livejournal.com]

Dawn wasn't really in the mood to deal with people right now, but she'd seen the e-mail and figured it was pretty mandatory for her due to Jolee and all, so here she was.

Crap. Was she the only girl?

Re: Come in and mingle!

[lovelylana.livejournal.com]

Lana was clearly horrified that once again Anakin seemed to just know that she'd been stupid and slept with a random person over the weekend.

Even if it was at least someone she'd known for a while.

Though, this time she hadn't had the excuse of being really drunk.

Did those two things cancel each other out?

Re: Come in and mingle!

[withoutverona]

Romeo had been taught sexual education by Catholic priests with vivid imaginations, and had proven himself unfortunately close to immune.

He was rather curious if hearing it from a Jedi would make a difference. Therefore, he was in the seminar, sitting near the back.

Re: Come in and mingle!

[goodgirlmeg.livejournal.com]

Okay, curiosity got the better of Meg. She had to see what the hell was going on. She regretting coming as soon as she walked in the room.

Damn you, curiosity.

Re: Come in and mingle!

[wannabehunter]

And there was Jo, she didn't look too happy about this.

Re: Come in and mingle!

[time-flyer-5.livejournal.com]

Jen had not been so -- she wasn't sure she'd use the word lucky as to be gifted with unexpected future kids (past kids? Whatever.) over the weekend. But that didn't stop her from deciding to check out the lecture.

. . . look, when the first guy you'd been sleeping with died and came back to life through some weird twist in the timeline, but came back an utter bastard, and then there was the guy who looked just like him that you wanted to sleep with but the two of you never got around to doing anything more than dance around each other until you had to go home, and anyway he was actually a thousand years older than you so technically it was kind of squicky, you developed a twisted kind of view on the birds and the bees.

Also, a really, really, really weird way of dealing with, uh, frustration. Schadenfreude as release. Who knew?

Re: Come in and mingle!

[ecirpnellehada.livejournal.com]

Adah was there purely for the entertainment value.

And maybe a few good ideas for really awful poetry.

Be horrified at the content!

[sith_happened]

Anakin has done his homework. He's covering contraception from more than a dozen different universes and most of the planets he's been to, complete with horrifying stories about when things have gone wrong.

What a great guy.

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Luke hadn't blinked for the last, oh, ten minutes or so.

If that was physically impossible, well, then it felt like it had been that long.

Regretting asking already, he raised his hand. "So, what happened to that Rodian who slept with the Twi'lek dancing girl?"

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

John was more than a little scared by the outcome of Anakin's tales. "Why does it seem like everyone dies at the end of these stories?"

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[vkandis-son.livejournal.com]

Karal was red to the ears and his mouth was hanging open. "I don't--" He stopped and started again. "Why would you--" Actually, he didn't want to know the answer to that one. Ever.

"You know, Sun-priests often swear a vow of celibacy," he finally managed to get out, in an absent tone that owed a great deal to shock.

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[lilpunkinbelly.livejournal.com]

Dawn was staring a lot. She and Sam already used three different kinds of contraception, but she was beginning to think that maybe that just wasn't enough.

"What do you think is a reasonable amount of contraception for a couple?"

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[withoutverona]

Romeo boggled. A lot.

This was worse than the priests.

"That last thing," he finally said, raising a tentative hand. "with the ..." he gestured to indicate the horror of it all. "Can that even happen on Earth?"

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[goodgirlmeg.livejournal.com]

Well, Meg was thoroughly horrified. Not horrified enough to stop having sex but still. She was pretty damn disturbed.

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[multi-madrox.livejournal.com]

Jamie was at the back of the classroom eating popcorn. "These are the worst adult entertainment videos I've ever seen."

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[wannabehunter]

Jo appreciated Anakin's attempts to ruin her sex life, really.

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[time-flyer-5.livejournal.com]

It wasn't like people weren't more open-minded about these things in Jen's year 3000. Plus she'd been a cop, and the Time Force Academy had had a lot of fun preparing the Vice Squad's lectures for shock value -- it weeded out some of the more squeamish cadets.

So Jen hadn't particularly been expecting to be shocked by any of this, but since you actually could grow babies in jars there had been a weird sort of collective mental disconnect between doing the horizontal cha-cha and the procreative result.

And yes, she was more than a little disturbed than she'd anticipated being, because hello there sudden implosion of cognitive dissonance.

Re: Be horrified at the content!

[suit-of-awesome.livejournal.com]

"Is this supposed to be alien porn?" Barney asked no one. He was always interested in hearing an Excruciatingly Thorough Guide to Sex. "Because if so, it is completely Lame. With a capital L."

Ask detailed questions!

[sith_happened]

Add to the horror!

Re: Ask detailed questions!

[missed-the-gate.livejournal.com]

"I'm confused, which of these methods of contraception are you promoting?" John tilted his head to the side. There were too many to choose from.

OOC

[sith_happened]

I'm just here for the crack. The seminar is open to all!

Re: OOC

[walks-two-paths.livejournal.com]

You are so cracked. :P